Asked him not to take drugs - unreasonable?

Dovekie

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My boyfriend went out at the weekend, returned home at 9am without getting in touch with me, and took ecstasy. He doesn't make a habit of it as he suffers from colitis. It was his 40th and he says a one-off. He does have a long history of recreational drugs, however, and there will be more special occasions in the future, such as this one.

Last night, I asked him to promise me he wouldn't do it again as I've just moved in with him and I'll be having his baby in May. He went crazy and said I'm trying to take away his freedom and basic human rights. He said he "doubts" it would happen again but simply will not agree with me, that it will be inappropriate in the future. He said he can't promise that sort of thing and kept blaming my "attitude" for his unwillingness to promise me he won't do it.

I ended up packing everything I'd just unpacked a couple of weeks ago. This morning, he behaved like nothing happened and asks me what's wrong and why I'm not happy. I'm scared to talk and cause another argument and stressful situation for our baby. I try to explain that i need to be able to discuss issues with him and i need to know that the drug taking will not happen again, as it's a deal breaker for me. Once again, he gets defensive and tells me he won't agree because I'm raising my voice (i can hardly speak). He then accuses me of just wanting an excuse to leave him. He did apologise afterwards for shouting at me but still wouldn't promise me.

I'm so fed up. We keep arguing. Last week I left him and stayed with my parents for a few days. We have only lived together for 2 weeks! I have antenatal depression, but I wonder if I would have it at all if I wasn't in this sort of environment. I'm living out of bags and boxes in the spare room. I'm struggling to organise my life because I don't know if I'm staying or going. My mother basically tells me I'm ridiculous for thinking about moving out into my own place. I feel like I have no support. I just want to have a happy pregnancy and not get postnatal depression, which I think I'm at risk of getting right now.

What would you do?
 
Your little bubba is due on my wedding anniversary :)

As for what I have read, I am quite appalled at his behaviour. So he treats every 'special occasion' as a reason to take drugs?? Well there will be others such as the day baby arrives, other birthdays, a wedding day, wedding anniversaries, fathers day etc. If he thinks it is acceptable to do that then I really do think he needs to reassess his priorities.

I wouldnt say that you are wanting to control him- you just need to know he will be responsible, its not like he can drive you to the hospital in labour if he is off his face can he. If the babby comes on a special occasion for him, surely he has put his love of drugs before all else? Given his age, he really does need to mature and act like a father to be instead of a silly teenager

Do what is right for you, you need to feel safe secure and looked after so dont let others put pressure on you. Do what is best for you and baby not for him or any other family. Good luck with it
 
I had an ex like this, he snorted speed on my living room table when our son was 2 weeks old because it was his birthday!. I didn't agree with what he did as my sons dummy was on the same table. He wouldn't talk about it and left, my son hasn't seen him in 14years.

You need to ask yourself if you want a newborn baby around that sort of situation, are you truly happy with your boyfriend. Better to have 1 happy parent than 2 unhappy ones. The choice is your, make a wise one. x
 
I'm sorry but good parents should not be taking drugs at all!

As hard as it may be I have to agree with lillith112 and say you need to think about what you want your baby to be around.
 
Sorry Hun but I agree with both. If he's behaving like that he really doesn't sound mature enough to be around a child and you'll both probably be better off without him! If that's how he acts what sort of role model will he be. A baby won't make things better either they usually add to tension as you'll both be tired and grumpy. There's no shame in going it alone love, and one day you'll meet someone that you want around your child! :)
 
Dovekie I'm sorry he is such an idiot. For me drugs around my child would be a total deal breaker. If you feel the same you need to be clear to him that that is the case, and if he then chooses drugs over his child then he can take a hike. He may get his act together once baby is here, does he maybe need it to be more 'real' in order to grow up? Birthday or not he is the one with the bad behaviour towards you and he needs to apologise and make amends.
 
He is acting like a child. He's 40. He has plenty of time to get his wild drugs days out of his system years ago.
I'm sorry but it's ultimatum time. Either grow up and quit drugs and act like a responsible adult or it's over.
 
How are you now, did you manage to sort it out x
 
If he cares about you and your relationship, he will stop. I know it's hard for him just to give up those drugs, but it's possible. He can if he want to.
 

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