Arrrrgh, men!

[Jellyboobs]

So I split up with my long-term BF two weeks ago, who is also the father of my baby. We are still friends though, for Lily's sake.

He's moved back in with his parents in Crowthorne though which is about 4 hours away from where me and Lily are and well, he's kinda demanding quite a lot in terms of when and how he sees her. Now I don't mind him seeing her, I think its important for her to have her Dad in her life but he's asking to take her for days/weeks at a time.

The thing is, he doesn't know her at all (and vice versa). He was away alot working and I spent a good hour calculating just how much he's seen her since she has been born and its only been about 16 days. After seeking advice for a solicitor and my midwife, they didn't think it was a good idea for him to take her, on top of the fact that she's still so young.

They suggested, however, that he come down and spend an afternoon with her once and week and gradually build their relationship from there. But he is not happy at all and I'm scared he might take this to court and with a new baby to cope with pretty much alone, I really can't be doing with the hassle but at the same time, I don't want to back down on what the solicitor and midwife have suggested as, in terms of Lily, it is best for her.

He has also asked if, when he does come down, he can use the mainenance money he gives me to cover his petrol costs! Surely that is out of the question as the money is for Lily's essentials. Is there anything I can do about that as we're sorting money out between ourselve at the moment but if he does decide to do that, will the CSA stop it?



Sorry for the essay, it's just really stressing me out and any help from fellow single parents would be much appreciated!

 

[flexilexi394]

hello sweety, it always has to get difficult doesnt it!? and hes not making it easy. when he quite easily could. if they have suggested once a week for them to build a relationship then thats probably your best option! try and get him to see that, so it saves arguments and silly unrational decisions on his part. shes only tiny and hes got to understand she needs her mummy more than him at the moment, as you take sole care of her.
About the petrol thing, is that the way it goes or is he just saying that? because if he was determined to come see her, he wouldnt care how much it cost. as long as he got to see his daughter, but if hes after money then is he really genuinely concerned about it? hmmm xx

 

[midnight]

if you was getting maintenance through the csa yes he can get some knocked off if he has to travel to see her but i think this is worked out at a %
at least he wants to see her my eldest 2 dad doesnt even bother at all with them yet he has another daughter who he dotes on annoys the hell out of me and doesnt help that my eldest knows that he just cant be arsed