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Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Joy, Oct 21, 2018.
Out of curiosity are you two quite young? It sounds like it because clearly this guy is nowhere near ready to be a father!! Im pregnant too and I would not want to be around/relying on someone who uses drugs. What if there's an emergency? You don't want to have to call a friend because your partner is too high to drive. I absolutely wouldn't want to raise a child in the kind of environment where it's parents are having explosive arguments all the time either. I know this isn't what you want to hear but sounds like the way he's treating you is emotional abuse, so my advice would be to tell him how you're feeling and be prepared to leave if he doesn't sort himself out. In my experience people like that don't change.
Anything that's causing you stress is not good for baby, so you should distance yourself from as much stress as possible. Sorry you're going through this hun. x
Sadly no, we're not young, we're both 37
Im so sorry to hear this, Joy. It sounds like a really stressful situation which you just dont need right now.
Have you considered going to counselling on your own? It may be really helpful to talk through your feelings, and even if hes not there you can talk about your relationship and how youd like to move forward. Ive been for counselling and although I was very reluctant at first, I found a great strength to deal with problematic relationships in my life and gave me the confidence to address the issues.
Thanks both of you.
Sorry, he's behaving like a 17 year old, not a 37 year old who is going to be a father in a few months :/
Do you have friends/family you could stay with for a little while? Just getting some space might be a big help as far as clearing your head and deciding if leaving is your best option.
As WinterWolf said, could you stay with family or a friend for a while?
You could maybe start by sorting through some of your things so if you did leave, you’re ready to go with the essentials. My friend did this before she left her husband and she said it really helped her - she sold some stuff online to get a bit of extra cash, but mostly just got rid of things she didn’t need anymore. Even if you don’t end up leaving, you’ve decluttered before the baby comes.
Sorry you are going through this stress, it does sound like your partner doesnt know or understand how to have a civilised discussion about things and takes everything the wrong way, if this has been going on for a long time to varying extents then it sounds like hes not just going to suddenly change on his own, he may not even agree that hes actually doing it and thats the hardest thing to try and work with as it is very unlikely to ever change
One thing I will say aswell and I hope it doesnt offend anyone is that I have never seen anything good become of anyone who smokes weed, in fact Ive seen people heading towards depression, anxiety, anger issues and even psychotic breakdowns from it, the best case scenario Ive seen is people becoming unmotivated losers, it also will not set a good example for your child to be around that, it does not sound like you are on that wavelength of recreationally smoking weed whereas he is
I know youve said you want a loving stable family and Im guessing you would prefer a two parent family, can totally understand that as thats what I would prefer to but what you might need to think about is which environment will be better for the child, sometimes single parent is a hell of a lot better then two parents fighting like cat and dog, children pick up on these tensions very acutely and it becomes a huge source of anxiety for them
I think youve got to weight it all up really, but do not be afraid to leave if your heart tells you thats the right thing to do, it will be different difficult at first but you will get through it and come out on the other side xx
Has he been drinking and/or smoking when you try to talk to him or is he sober at that time? Is he abusive or drinking to excess? You don't even have to answer here just something to think about thats all. Plus as mentioned here, the stress on your body isn't good.
Also is he stressed about anything that he might let you know about? It could help to let him express things to build that communication. I will pray for you guys and hope everything works out I hope he will go to counselling with you.
I would raise it with your midwife.
Men's behaviour can change during pregnancy and after you give birth. I had to leave my husband when our baby was 3 weeks old. Being a single mother is hard and not a path that anyone would want to choose, but having gone down this road, I would take it 1000 times over living with someone behaving abusively.
All the best xxx