Argh Inlaws and family

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by furbaby, Jan 29, 2012.

  1. furbaby

    furbaby Well-Known Member

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    Okay I get along pretty well with my Inlaws and I really appreciate any help they're willing to give us, however I've started wondering whose baby I'm having....

    They have brought a pram to keep at theirs, they plan on getting a little cot/ basket for baby, they have brought clothes and bottles etc to keep at theirs and some kind of special cream they use to use on my hubby when he was a baby...

    I am so glad our little boy is so loved but he will not be living with them- mostly visits with us in which case I'll have everything needed for a trip out in my nappy bag, plus as silly as it is what if I dont want them to use 'that cream'?

    On the other side my mum and sister are buying so much for our little boy that me and hubby are literally being left with nothing to buy at the moment and whilst I love everything and I am grateful, my sister has hinted/ suggested that we wouldn't have been able to have afforded to buy such nice things for our baby- even making remarks about how selfish we are to be going on a caravan trip in April 'having better things to spend our money on'

    *sigh* they've even started referring to our son as 'our baby' in a kind of collective way

    I be bitten my tongue to the extent where I feel ready to explode :( am I being petty or does anyone understand where I am coming from at all?
     
  2. Bee7

    Bee7 Well-Known Member

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    Everyone just gets carried away where new babies are concerned hun. You'll probably find that your mum and MIL will want to take over a bit and 'show you how its done' when he arrives. I'm sure there's no malice in it, but you'll have to be firm and explain politely that he is your baby and whilst you appreciate their help, you have to learn to do things for yourself.

    Having said that, i'd take all the freebies on offer! My family and OH's family have bought us a lot of things, some of which we've picked and they've paid for and other bits that they've chosen. It doesn't bother me too much, we'll have plenty of other stuff to buy for him as he gets older and since it's saving us money i can only be grateful (cos frankly we're skint lol).

    It is understandable to feel this way though hun and i think a firm but polite chat with all involved would assert your authority and make things a lot better. Good luck xxx
     
  3. furbaby

    furbaby Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Bee :) I am so grateful for everything they've brought us but at the same time I feel judged and remarks about me being selfish (by going on a caravan holiday) or comments about not being able to afford nice things for our son etc are really grating on me!

    Everything is being judged our name choices, whether I should or shouldn't work, the apparent state of my house (it's lived in not a show home) who gets to see the baby first..... The list goes on

    xxxx
     
  4. hellywelly

    hellywelly Well-Known Member

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    Where there's family there's friction!!! lol. You need the holiday as it's relaxing you ready for the arrival of LO so you will be in the best state of mind, and it will be the last one you get on your own. If you really don't want them using the cream then lie and say the hospital had a similar thing and it irritated bub's skin so could they use 'X' that you've bought instead?
    If there hasn't been a baby around for a while they are probably just over-excited. At the end of the day they'll back off after the novelty has worn off!!
     
  5. jules84

    jules84 Well-Known Member

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    They just all seem sooo excited.

    I understand how you feel though, I wouldn't like those remarks . Why SHOULDN'T you have a break before baby gets here, it will be great for u and ur oh to spend some time together before things get so hectic,

    anyway it's none of her business if she's not paying for it.

    Bite your tongue tho, u havent that long to go, and they probably have the best interests at heart and your going to have loads of sitters! :D

    xx
     
  6. furbaby

    furbaby Well-Known Member

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    :) thanks girls, we are the only ones who will have children on both sides (hubby an only child and my sister never wants children) so I get everyone is so excited as am I, maybe I am hormonal or something but it's just starting to feel a little out of control

    As for our caravan trip it's cheap and cheerful and I hate having to make apologises for it- like I'm an unfit mother for spending a little money on myself before bubs is born!

    I will bite my tongue, at least bubs will be in demand!

    xxx
     
  7. BellaRiven

    BellaRiven Well-Known Member

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    Don;t apologise for going on holiday before bubba is born it's your perogative, it's your chance to spend some one on one time with hubby before your life changes for that exciting little bundle :)

    I am quite lucky with my in laws we only have his dad and his gran left and they pretty much have left us to it and just told us if we need anything for baby to let them know and they will give us the dosh, of which I feel quite odd about, I always have so it's nice I have that choice :)

    It's a tough situation and one I can get on board with, mostly from my mother lol, a lot of stuff that I have said now like how I can't have lemsip for a cold she has poo pooed and said well 30 years ago it wasn't a problem, my usual response is well 30 years ago they knew nothing :) now they know more so I will go with what 'they' say as that seems to be best for MY baby!!

    Maybe just calmly explain that they aren;t going to need all of that at their house as you will have everything at yours and you will bring what is needed

    Hope it sorts itself out xxx
     
  8. steffy

    steffy Well-Known Member

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    I am also going through exactly the same with my MIL. When im on my days off, i like to get a bit of peace, but as we only live 50m away she panics if she hasnt seen me. As lovely as this is - i fear what she will be like when the baby is here and she keeps telling me she will be able to come over everyday and help. My OH is going to be having 3 weeks off work, so I don't want her over all the time as we need time to get used to being a family.
    I have bought a baby bath, but also one of those chairs which you can put in the bath as this will be easier when my OH is at work for long hours in the summer (he is a farmer). All she did was criticise this and say that she didn't do this with her children. She also keeps suggesting about babysitting quite alot for us overnight to give us a break, but as nice as this is, i fully intend to breastfeed and I just feel like I want to spend the first few weeks with my baby.
    OH is going to talk to her about all this once I get to 30 weeks and going to have to be quite insistent that she does not need to come over everyday and we need time to be a family.
    Try not to get stressed or worried about it, as I have been getting myself in a right state about it, but have a chat with them and most importantly do what is best for you and your LO xx
     
  9. Loula

    Loula Well-Known Member

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    i really hope things get better for you,
    I said to my family when i got pregnant i understand this is the first baby in like 14-15 years but it is MY baby and i will be doing things MY way in which they have all totally respected and have asked me what they want me to get baby.
    As for the holiday, dont feel guilty its your and your hubbys little treat before the baby comes time for some YOU time. Ive been spending money on myself and like i said to others all my money wil go on the baby when shes here so im doing what i want now xx
     
  10. pixie17

    pixie17 Well-Known Member

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    id be pretty frustrated too and as nice as it is that they are buying you things it is still YOUR baby! you could either have a word with them or drop hints that signal you are in charge. eg. with the baby name you could say that you have made a short list but are keeping it to yourselves until the big day? you could make a point of saying that they have done more than enough to make the baby comfortable and to stop buying things ( in a nice way) and that you are able to get get the last few bits? and if you want to go on a little holiday before baby arrives then that is up to you!! by stressing your independance they will get the message. hope it gets better x
     
  11. Daydreaming

    Daydreaming Well-Known Member

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    Ah, Families!
    I get on with OHs family, but I find them far too intense at times.

    However, I have cousins who have had babies and I have realised once bubba is here I will be pooped and will appreciate the odd family member coming over so I can have a mid day nap and they can do the ironing for me. (my cousins tell me the big change takes it out of you the first few weeks)

    I'm lucky that my mum and I are very close, but I will have to remember to share baby with OHs family too - tis only fair.

    As for buying things now? I havent had that problem yet, I would get very jealous if MIL bought cots etc. that were better quality than ours (lol, that sounds so petty, but is true!).
     
  12. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

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    I was in a similar situation! My MIL would not STOP buying my baby clothes. It got to the stage where I'd brought MY baby only a couple of things out of a drawer full of stuff and a baby that she knew had a sleeping bag for sleeping in had 4 blankets!!! I had words with my OH and made him tell her to cool it! She listened thankfully but I was sorting through my stuff and I had far too much newborn stuff and I have 3 drawers of 0-3 months :|


     

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