Anyone in the same position

[Robbda]

I'm 35 and I've been with my BF a year. We were on the same page about wanting kids and moving in together until Wednesday.

I thought I was being prudent by having a private fertility check to see where I was, my mum was 45 when she hit menopause but I desperately want children and I just hadn't met the right man until now, I thought I could freeze some eggs to buy more time as we have only been together a year and he is still in the throws of separating from a previous relationship (no children but getting messy over property and his ex doesn't want to let go)

on Wednesday I was told I have an AMH of 2.6 a follicle count of 4 and abnormally small ovaries (in fact he didn't seem to be able to find my left one at all) he advised me if I wanted a baby of my own as I was heading towards menopause I should do it sooner rather than later.. having heard this several times in the appointment I pushed the Dr and asked whether he was saying to start trying within a year and his response was "no, if you want to try and have a baby of your own speak to your partner tonight"

he then followed up with "if you start having night sweats call us and we will get you on HRT straight away try and keep your periods going and prevent your uterus shrinking further and then you may be able to carry a doner egg"

I asked if they would freeze what I did have and he said no because the chances of me falling pregnant with my own frozen eggs were too low

i feel Numb motherhood is the only want I've ever had of life

is there anyone that has experienced the same? how have you got through it? what did you say to you partner? I'm devastated, I love my bf and I hoped for everything with him but I just don't think he is ready yet,he hasn't said that and he has asked for time to think but I don't feel like I can put this pressure on him, he is being supportive but I can't help feeling like I'm putting on him my heads such a mess.

When I told him I was booking these tests he misunderstood and thought I was saying I wanted a baby now (ironically) and was saying he didn't think our relationship was in a place to start contemplating babies and now he is saying he hasn't said no, he needs to think, he's feelings bout me haven't changed hes just been told his timeline has, he stupidly thought he had forever... but I'm worried he is such a nice guy he is saying what he feels he should rather than what he feels

Should I get a second opinion? I have read people with lower AMH have managed to fall pregnant so has the clinic just been over negative because they didn't want me to effect the success rate? has anyone had these results and is going through IUI or IVF now? has anyone been in this position and decided to go for it? I just feel like I've been hit by a ten ton truck

sorry so many questions I feel like they have given me a window of opportunity but I'm just so confused about the right thing to do

 

[phonixgirl]

I haven't been through this myself but just wanted to offer my support xx

Firstly, I know your BF is going through a lot atm but I think you need to tell him exactly what the doctor said and how you feel. He may change his mind.

I doubt the clinic would say no or lie to you because they are worried you will affect their rates. Other people on here and people I know have been through various difficult journeys to conceive, taken on by the clinics - it's their job to get you pregnant. The problem is, as you approach menopause (usually as you get older) the quality of your eggs decline and more are chromosomally abnormal - Blueflower is going through a donor IVF cycle for that very reason now.

I've been through IUI, I've had a fresh IVF cycle and am currently undergoing a frozen cycle. IUI is mainly for male issues and has a low success rate. I'd jump straight to IVF if I were you and assuming your BF is ok, plus maybe do pre-genetic screening to check the embryos. Xxx but yeah, you could still get a miracle BFP xxx

 

[Robbda]

Thank you for being kind, I just feel so lost I haven't had the easiest ride in life and I thought just this once, this time life was giving me a break I was going to finally have a guy that adored me as much as I him, and a little family of my own I guess I should have known

thank you for your advice I will look into the genetic testing I have done a lot more reading this weekend and I've bought all the vitamins that might possible have a hint of improving quality, I also found a clinic near me that specializes in low AMH so I'm going to make an appointment there if I can

I feel slightly more positive today reading all the success stories on this board but thank you for reading and giving me your time, I know i'm not really on any board yet but totally lost as to who to turn to my mum just broke down, I don't want my BF to feel like i'm pressuring him I feel awkward round his mum now and none of my friends are without child unless it was by choice so they don't understand how devastated I am

half of me is glad I did the tests so at least I know and I feel I've been given a chance but the other half is still in shock x

 

[phonixgirl]

That's understandable xx

I'm here if you ever need to chat.

Nobody knows what it's like unless they've been through it. The vitamins might work, you never know. Xxx

 

[lisey]

My situation is a little different. Myself and my OH have been trying almost 5 years, we had three losses in 3 years and then we weren't getting pregnant again. We went to a private fertility clinic (I have a son so not entitled to IVF on NHS) and found out that I have low AMH (2). My ovaries are (were) normal size and I think my antal follicle count was 8. We gave it three more months of trying naturally and then went for IVF. I had to be on very high stim drugs and produced 11 eggs in the end...they were shocked. I did get a bfp but lost the baby at 12 weeks. Nothing to do with low egg reserve etc, it was a rare twin pregnancy that they hadn't detected. I have recently had AMH done again and its now 4. I don't really know how that happened.
I know it must be a difficult situation with your OH and it must be very difficult to make such a big decision.
Maybe the new clinic will say they can arrange freezing? I don't see why you can't freeze eggs if you produce them. And so long as you ovulate, there is still a chance naturally. Have you had your FSH done too? xx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

My AMH at age 35 was 5.7 so bordering on very low. I had mine tested on the NHS as they were assessing me for ivf - my NHS hospital will give NHS treatment to patients with amh above 2 so you are in this range. I also had my fsh tested, I don't know what it was but there is an upper limit for this. My afc was about 9 and fluctuated between about 8 and 11 (had it done 3 times). I started ivf treatment 13 months after having my amh tested so it could well have been lower by the time I started, I wasn't a great responder but my clinic go for quality rather than quantity so didn't give me particularly high stims. In the end I stimmed for 10 days, got 3 eggs, 2 were mature and both fertilised and were put back on a day 2 transfer. I had a healthy boy from this cycle. In case it's of interest I had conceived twice naturally between ages 33-35 but sadly both ended in miscarriage. I would say that I believe private clinics do pick and choose patients to an extent, their success rates are their biggest selling point and they have the choice of whether to treat someone, it would certainly be worth getting a second opinion, you might find another clinic especially one that specialises in low amh will be more positive. Lots of women do conceive with low amh both naturally and through ivf etc so there is certainly hope. Good luck xx

 

[lisey]

Oh clinics definitely refuse people to keep their stats looking good. My fertility consultant even told me that. Some places won't consider people with low amh or high fsh because we are too risky and have 'low success rates'. Luckily, there are places around that specialise in this now and loads of people do have success xx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

Oh clinics definitely refuse people to keep their stats looking good. My fertility consultant even told me that. Some places won't consider people with low amh or high fsh because we are too risky and have 'low success rates'. Luckily, there are places around that specialise in this now and loads of people do have success xx

This is also why it's misleading to compare success rates of private clinics with the usually lower success rates of NHS clinics as in areas where there is funding for fertility treatment NHS clinics are bound (providing you meet the basic criteria) to treat all patients xx

 

[Robbda]

Thank you so much every one x

I haven't had my FSH tested so I will ask about that, I have been doing ovulating monitoring since I found out and today I got a flashy smiley face so im hoping for the LH rise and a solid smiley then at least I have some comfort that I have ovulated and I can continue to monitor it all and if any thing is a miss I will get straight down to the GP

My BF has been amazing and I'm feeling a little less devastated today, I feel like I'm doing something rather than just accepting it so I think that focus helps, I've so many vitamins in my bag I rattle and I've bought a book on diet.. I've got an appointment at the Lister for retests as they seem to specialize in low AMH and have previous patients reviews saying they have been turned away else where but been successful there.

My BF he has said he will come with me and wants to get checked out too, he wants to sit down and talk but he said he wanted to give me time to come to terms with what I'd been told he said he realized I needed time before he dumped his thoughts and feelings on me as well but that he loves me and he isn't going anywhere

 

[Blueflower]

Hi! So sorry to hear what you are going through. I was going to suggest telling your bf that you want to try fertility treatment and its up to whether he wants to join you. But it sounds as if he is being great about it. I think a supportive partner is half the battle. Part of my issue was my partner not being ready when I was to have a family but once he was on board he was totally committed and has been amazingly supportive.

As Phoenixgirl mentioned, I am going through a donor cycle now, if its successful it might inspire you! Good luck!

 

[Robbda]

thanks blueflower.

he has been amazing, he is hands down the most amazing man I have met in my life (other than my dad of course)

we have decided to go for it and started this weekend and I happened to ovulate! it doesn't feel real! I'm so lucky to have him, I love him so much I just hope I can give him a child he will be an amazing father, we are also both going to a consultation on the 29th for fertility to see where he stands too

so officially on my first TWW

thank you for your messages, they helped in a very confusing scary time xxx

wishing you all the best of luck for a sticky bean xx

 

[tinselcat]

Oh, I'm sooo glad to hear your partner is going for it. That's fab news. Really wish you all the best and hope you get your BFP quickly xxx

p.s. one thing, I had in my mind that IVF was a 'silver bullet' and was expecting it to work first time - it took 3 goes for me. I mention it only because it's not quite the miracle solution people think it might be & that caused me great shock and upset.

In any case I hope it all works out naturally for you xx

 

[Blueflower]

Yes people say "there's always IVF" but its not a sure thing, you only have to look at some of our signatures! A colleague of mine said "its just a few more appointments then you get a baby"! Apparently the average success is after 2 goes but on the long term boards the facts look skewed as some of us have been here ages!

But it makes sense do everything you can to increase your chances of becoming a parent.

 

[Robbda]

Thanks Everyone xxx

 

[phonixgirl]

A colleague of mine was surprised when I told him ivf doeave a 100% success rate too! He said he thought it always worked. Seems to be a common misconception. Good luck xx

 

[Robbda]

Ladies.... I have news.... I am 4 weeks 1 day pregnant!!!



I can't believe it!! been to the GP taken 8 tests and am awaiting my 12 week scan date!

This all seems waaaaay to good to be true but I wanted to thank you again for support and kind words.. I know we have a long way to go but it would seem the work I did in the weeks leading up to trying for a baby may have helped!

currently on tenter hooks that its real and ok its gonna be a long 8 weeks but chuffed as this was the bit they said I would have difficulty with!

 

[Blueflower]

Oh wow that's amazing! How many months were you trying?
I got my BFP on Friday too! Can't believe it after all this time!
Seems there will be a few of us going into Trimester One together!
Hooray!

 

[phonixgirl]

Congratulations xx

 

[blacksnow]

Great! Congrats

 

[Clementine]

Congratulations