Anyone else get mad at their partner?

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by goodbyehorses, Jul 3, 2016.

  1. goodbyehorses

    goodbyehorses Member

    Jul 3, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Hi ladies;
    I'm a new member and just felt I needed to have a vent to some like minded people who will hopefully understand where I'm coming from and that I'm not a nut!
    Firstly I'll tell you a little more about me and my ttc story- I'm 28, partner is 33 and we have an 8 year old (not planned ironically!)
    We've never used protection since having our child but I haven't had a whiff of pregnancy in those 8 years. I first started ttc properly maybe 4 years ago- tried for 1.5 and pretty much threw in the towel. During that time we had the relevant tests done- I initially thought it was me as I had a c/s and thought it may have made me infertile. Had my bloods done, scan of my ovaries etc, and a lap dye test- all fine. Partner had his sperm checked and he had borderline abnormal sperm, slightly low count and average motility. I found this a shock as we conceived without trying with our child and that was in a 4 month window.
    I then started a new job so I put the ttc on hold, although we still continued to "see what happens"
    Over the years I've tried really hard to be healthy and take ttc seriously and look after myself and I guess my partner hasn't put in the same efforts. He's had bouts of heavy weekend drinking with friends (he has gave this up now) he smokes daily (not heavily but maybe 3/4) and he also has to rely on tramadol daily due to back issues....he also found out recently from blood work that his cholesterol levels are higher than normal. I just find all of this hard to take and it's difficult as I feel like the ogre in our relationship nagging him when he smokes etc. I know an addiction is difficult to deal with but he knows how much having a baby means to me. Over the last few months I've started to hope to ttc again and he promises to stop smoking and be healthier but I know he sneaks them when I'm not around. Does anyone else ever get frustrated at their partner? His response is usually "well I'm in fertile now there's nothing I can do about it" or "it's obviously not meant to be" and it really breaks my heart. I love him a lot and i am grateful for what I have but i just feel like I'm never going to get pregnant and I find it hard to accept :(
  2. Mar_15

    Mar_15 Well-Known Member

    Jul 3, 2015
    Likes Received:
    You're not a nut, and you're completely justified in feeling frustrated I think. But nagging him to change isn't going to help. People generally just don't work like that.

    He obviously cares what you think if he tries to hide his smoking from you, but he won't stop unless he decides to so you might just have to accept it is his responsibility. Plenty of smokers do conceive so it isn't impossible. Maybe you can try and focus him on other changes which will improve his sperm quality and not worry about the smoking for a bit.

    Also, it might help to ask him how you are going to move forward with the conceiving thing so he has to take some responsibility. My OH seems more committed to it since he realised what a physical struggle IVF is for the woman compared to ejaculating in a cup.

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