any single mothers out there

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by edel186, Mar 16, 2005.

  1. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    Any advise would be great, Im seven weeks pregnant and single and im terrified beyond belief.. I keep thinking that if i keep the baby my life is gonna be over and il never be able to handle it. I work full time and love my job plus theres the whole idea of my family freaking out. Im soooooo scared...
     
  2. mana_bean

    mana_bean Member

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    My best friend is pregnant. She is getting married, and was not going to tell her parents (whom are divorded) about her pregnancy until after the wedding. She broke down and had to tell them, her mother was happy and father disappointed. I would say you have a good start by having a good job. Jessica (my friend) doesn't have a steady job, neither does her fiancee, and they live with his mother. Keep your job, and take all the help you can get. You can do it, I have faith in you!
     
  3. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    Hi there thanks for the advise, believe me i need someone to tell me that im not making the biggest mistake of my life, which is what my parents will say. Im so confused at the moment so thanks again
     
  4. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    I'm not single but my husband suffers with depression, sometimes quite badly. We've learnt how to keep it mostly under control but sometimes he can't do anything about it and I have to work round whatever state he's in and try my best to help him through it. He doesn't want our familes to know about his illness so they don't know how difficult it is for me sometimes. When stressful and bad things happen- even if they happen to me not him- he tends to go to pieces. We'd waited until now to have babies partly so that he was in better control and he is but it doesn't stop me worrying about how much emotional weight I'm going to have to carry, especially when we're three :). Thing is I was so broody I couldn't stand waiting anymore! I love him more than anything but sometimes I already feel like a mother, I can never be the weak one in our relationship, even when I suffered a double breavement last year, I just had to keep being strong. He was starting to fret last night about money and jobs etc and I was seriously starting to panic about our baby and how on earth I'm going to be strong enough to carry the both of them at times but at the end of the day I believe that women are incredibly tough and powerful and that our strength lies in our ability to love above all else. So although I'm in a totally different situation than you I can sympathise with your worries about making a mistake and taking on huge responsibility. All I would say is that it's the most miraculous and incredible mistake that we could probably make and that deep down I think we all have "woman power" and can cope with just about anything. Go us....
     
  5. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    Hi there,
    Oh my god i dont know how u cope. I myself suffered with depression for a long time and i split up with my partner right when i was only starting to come out of it. Then a few wks later i found out i was pregnant, so in a way i know how you feel and how your partner feels. My heart really goes out to you both. But i do agree with what your saying about women being strong and being able to cope in the most heart wrenching and difficult situations that life seems to throw at us. Im hoping i will be able to cope on my own and who knows it might make me stronger. Oh and i would recomend (Omega 3 essential fatty acid substance epa) for your partner, its actually herbal and proven to help people with severe cases of depression. If it doesnt work i wud recomend a councellor as your husband could have an underlying problem that not even you know about, and i speak from experience. Speaking to someone outside your circle of friends and family does and will help. I have e-mail if you want to keep it touch,
     
  6. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Hi edel186,

    thanks for your concern and sorry to hear that you've suffered with depression too. It's a difficult area to talk about as there's still a lot of stigma around it- partly why he doesn't want our familes to know. The Omega 3 sounds like a good idea and not one that we've tried yet so thanks. Three years ago it was really bad and he went on medication and that really helped him out of a huge hole that he'd got himself into but he didn't want to rely on them in the long run. The GP said that they don't give counselling on the NHS round here and he wasn't terrribly keen at the time on it because he was a bit paranoid too. I was keen but he wasn't really and there's no point in pushing. Since then he has got better and better- we add new ideas and plans as we discover them. Orginally we both stopped drinking and both lost lots of weight, we took up moderate exercise and also took a hard look at the people and situations that upset him the most and frankly just stopped putting him in those situations. He has started some creative projects that take up a lot of his time and these really help. Last autumn he was feeling a bit worse than he had done during the summer so we looked at the pattern of his depression and realised that there was a seasonal trend so we got a lightbox and he reckons that it has been better than the anti-depressants!

    All in all he's loads better and even when he's really down we both know it will pass now. There is still however the underlying way that his mind works and I feel that until he addresses this through some kind of cognitive approach he will still have patches of depression. One thing that does concern me is sleep and crying babies though as he really needs to sleep well to stay level. I have promised him the best earplugs that money can buy and have assured him that I'll do the night bits! He'll be a great Father though and he really wants our baby and was very keen for us to start a family I just know he worries about how good a Father he'll be and if we'll be ok and whether he can stay level. We've been together 12 years this year and we've got through a lot in that time so.....

    Thanks again for your support, I have email too- we're not alone around here that's for sure. I think you're right it will make us stronger :)
     
  7. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    good on ye girl, seems to me that you both have everything well under control. It will be even better when the baby comes along.. My e-mail address is under my member details.

    Talk soon
    Edel
     
  8. newbump

    newbump Well-Known Member

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    Im not single just yet, but my partner and I do have a lot of problems and he gets annoyed very easy over silly little things, has told me once he doesnt want this baby, in which i replied fine, i will do it alone if i have to.

    I know it must be scary to deal with it alone, but I dont think you are making a mistake, having a baby will change your life in a very big way, but it doesnt have to mean it is over. It is normal to feel scared its a major deal having a baby even if you are with your partner. Does the father want to be involved?

    Natalie
     
  9. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    hi there, he does want to be involved, well so he told me today that he did but hes a control freak that would want it his way or no way. But im sure il deal with that when it comes to it. I hope you and your partner dont fall out or split up as we need all the help we can get. I have found from friends who have had babies that their partners attitudes changed towards them as soon as they found out they were pg, it was like they thought the women now needed them more than ever and they could treat them however way they wanted to.. Moral of the story dont let your partner think he has you over a barrell just cz your pg. I hope everything works out for you.. We have someone else to think about now after all.
     
  10. newbump

    newbump Well-Known Member

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    I hope your partner does get involved and im sure you can deal with it and stop him from getting to much control and trying to do it his way. We have to do what is right for us and the little one.

    The silly thing is, for the last week since I have found out im pg he was really excited and couldnt wait to start telling everyone!!! then suddenly over something very silly he flips and says he wants to leave! I would like us to sort things out, but really could do without all the stress right now, like you say I have someone else I have to think about now! and that is the most important thing to me. I dont want to do it alone, but i will if i have to, i know i have the support of friends and family so i dont feel to scared.
     
  11. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    good for you, but thats a perfect example of what i was saying. As soon as you have a small argument he will be packing his bags and telling you that he is leaving, because he thinks you need him and you wont be able to cope with a baby on your own. Put your foot down now cz if you dont he will do this through the whole nine months of your pregnancy and thats one stress you dont need. If he tells you hes leaving pack his bags for him cz believe me he will come running with his tail between his legs and will think twice before he has an argument over something petty. Men like to see weakness in a women and if you show him that your lost without him he will use it against you. Men are afraid of strong confident women, believe me its true. Tell him to grow up or leave and he will grow up in a hurry.
     
  12. newbump

    newbump Well-Known Member

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    Your right in what you say, we have had many arguements where we have slept in seperate rooms for days, i say nothing to him and let him get on with it, then he starts to be nice to me, but somehow i dont know if i want him around anymore, i want him to know his baby when it it born though
     
  13. edel186

    edel186 Member

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    Well thats totally your decision, but remember your hormones are all over the place so dont make any drastic decisions that you may live to regret. Maybe some time apart might do you both the world of good. As the saying goes you dont know what you had till it was gone. But in saying that if you didnt want to be in a relationship with him anymore you would know without having to think about it. Theres no i dont know if i want him around or not, when you dont want to be with someone you just know. Remember you need to enjoy ur own company before you can enjoy someone else's. You have one baby on the way and i dont think you have room for another. Make sure he's aware of this and dont take any of his immature crap.. Take a break from each other and see how you feel. You might just need some alone time.
     
  14. newbump

    newbump Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your advice, it makes a lot of sense and your totally right
    thanks again,

    take care
     

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