Any one been in this situ? feel utterly lost

Discussion in 'Waiting to Try' started by Robbda, Apr 11, 2016.

  1. Robbda

    Robbda Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    So I posted on the difficulty conceiving pages as I thought there maybe some people on there that found themselves in the same position, but doesn't seem anyone is.

    I went for a private fertility test last week, as I was approaching 36, have wanted children my whole life and finally think I've found the one.

    I've been told I have an AMH of 2.6 and abnormally small ovaries, meaning I had a small reserve that the average woman to start with, he couldn't see my left ovary and only counted 4 follicles in my right

    numb.. I was hoping to freeze some but they told me no.. they said I was below what they considered low fertility and if I wanted to try and conceive naturally I had to go now - I don't even have a year, then he followed up with if I start having night sweats or my periods stop to contact them and they will get me HRT straight away to prevent my uterus shrinking further and I might be able to have IVF with a doner egg... as I'm heading to menopause and due to that they refused egg freezing in my case.

    Numb.

    I've only been with my BF a year and although I know he wants children and cares about me and we've talked about it and wanted to move in together once his house is sold with his ex (she's clinging on for dear life 2 years after they split up) I know he isn't ready yet, I've told him everything and bless him he has stayed with me every night since. he said he needs time to think and he hasn't said no and I shouldn't right him off he just stupidly thought he had forever and his feelings haven't changed about me his timeline has he just needs to think about what he wants and when but I'm frightened any decision he makes is because he is a nice guy and wants to do the right thing and if he decides to make the jump it will be for the wrong reasons and it will be so stressful and I don't want him to resent me , I feel guilty he has had to deal with me crying myself to sleep the last 4 nights, but on the other hand if he says he isn't ready can I give up this slim chance of biological motherhood

    half of me is so glad I tested the other half is devastated

    has anyone gone through this tough decision with their OH and come out the otherside?
     
  2. BadWolf

    BadWolf Well-Known Member

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    I have no experience with this exactly but didn't want to read & run. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, it must be truly devastating. :(

    My OH and I got pregnant after only 3 months of being together 'officially' so it came as a BIG shock & we were far from 'ready' but who is, really? We've struggled at times but we've got through it together & we've got closer than ever before because of it. Our baby is the best thing that's happened to us. Now I'm ready for another & OH isn't so sure. We've decided to wait (he's late 30s so I don't want to wait TOO LONG) & we're going to reevaluate the situation in a few months when
    1. We're more financially stable
    2. Our house is finished
    3. Our LO is at nursery
    These are the practical reasons he gave me for thinking we're not ready yet. Without sounding demanding, ask your OH what he feels he's not ready for. Then it gives you something to work with. He sounds very understanding. I wish you all the best!
     
  3. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun

    What awful news - I feel desperately sad for you to hear of this. It must have been a terrible shock. At least you found out while you still have time.

    Personally, if your OH "isn't ready" (this is understandable but no use to you) and you want to be a mother, then I would look at all available options including donor sperm. Boyfriends may come and go but motherhood is for life & you only get this one shot. I can understand that this may cause ruptures in your relationship but I guess you need to consider what is most important to you.

    Really hope everything works out for you (and that ideally, your BF decides to go for it) xx
     
  4. Robbda

    Robbda Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your kind words xx

    we had another chat last night and sounds like he is wanting to go for it, but he just wants too be sure and have a bit more time to think, we do love each other but this is such a big decision

    he has booked in to get himself checked out to so I'm seeing that as a positive sign I love him and I decided ages ago I wanted to have his children but I understand he needs time for this to sink in, I guess everyone goes through these conversations even when they are married, but I guess you've already made that commitment to each other where as if he comes back from the tests fine I guess he could decide this is all too soon for him and he has time to wait which I don't have

    your right badwolf he has been an absolute rock the last few days but I've been scared to lean on him in case he feels pressured, just makes me love him even more but I have the same niggling thought as tinselcat mentions

    Just guess I need to give him time, I've got new tests at Lister in two weeks time, as I found the specialize in people with low AMH and fol count, he said If I want him there he will come, so I guess off the back of the consultation there I guess will be the time to ask him to be honest with me and it sounds very much like its now or never
     

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