Anxiety in Pregnancy

[Tiny Sue]

Hey all,

Just wondering if there is anyone out there in the same boat. I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder, which means that most days I'm okay, but some days I wake with a nervous tummy for no reason and then start attributing reasons, like I'm falling out of love with my husband or that I'm suddenly not sure I want the baby or I'm afraid that I'll be attracted to someone else or I would be happier with that boyfriend I broke up with four years ago...all what-if scenarios that are no more real than the man in the moon but become very real while I'm feeling low or tired. It's all these huge "what ifs".
I know that tomorrow or the next day I'll be fine and I'll be suffused with love for my husband and baby and we'll be grand for a couple of weeks, before this happens again. It used to happen a long time ago and I got help but some traumatic events in my past seem to have brought it out again.
I would like to know if anyone else is the same as me. I know that generally 1 in 4 people suffer some form of anxiety that is never diagnosed and they live all their lives with this debiitating problem. This morning was a bad morning for me, but I feel a bit better now that I've had some tea and I'm talking about it to someone, even if it's only a computer terminal .

My husband knows all about this and is very supportive, but I can only spew at him for so long before he gets tired of it, I'm sure.

Not a happy camper today...

Sue

 

[Kim]

OMG I think I have this. I feel like that all the time but just thought it was me. Sometimes I feel like everything in my life is wrong and I start to feel panicky and get palpitations and a nervous stomach, then the next day, nothing has changed but everything seems ok again.

 

[Tiny Sue]

I think it's normal - you just should go to a doc and get yourself referred to a therapist. My fears - and I mean overwhelming fears, when I was younger - started to manifest themselves when I was about 16 or 17 and got progressively worse until I went and "got myself straightened out" at about 23. I was grand after a few months, I knew how to cope with these spells of anxiety - but nine years on the fears seem more rooted in reality and in my past and though they are less overwhelming they are making me miserable.

Not saying it's definitely what you feel hun, or what's the matter, but did you have a traumatic experience or a huge life change recently? In the last five years, my mother died, I discovered the man I was going out with was married, dated two others, married the second after a huge bout of nerves, my father started dating other women, none of whom we like, I moved away from home and now I'm pregnant! A LOT of change in a short space of time and I tend to swallow anger and grief and not show them.

I have confided in my husband, and he thinks that I'll just keep making myself ( and him, I guess) miserable until I sort this out. It's scary taking the first step, but it's a positive one.

Good luck,

Sue

 

[Kim]

I suppose you could say I have had a lot of stress for the last 6 years since I have been with my partner. He is absolutely brilliant I can't fault him but unfortunately he came with a lot of baggage, ie 3 kids (2 live with us) and a psycho ex wife. The 2 that live with us have a lot of emotional problems stemming from their mothers rejection and it's really hard sometimes, specially being only 23 and trying to bring up an 18 year old and a 10 year old, both of whom are really really hard work. My partner also has a really stressful job so is stressed a lot of the time. I go to work for a break lol!!

 

[minikins]

Well sadly panic attack & anxiety is my middle name and it has been since I was 12 (when i had my first attack).

On and off since 12 it has ruined parts of my life and there are certain things I cannot do because of it. I have had counselling and been on various types of medication since then.

I don't tend to suffer depression, luckily, but do get down about the whole thing and have done for many years.

Now I am in the later stages of pregnancy things have calmed down a lot and I am hoping having a baby will take the focus of me just thinking about me and stupid scenarios all the time.

I know exactly how you feel, when you are in a bad phase, your guts go silly, and so do your bowels and sometimes you can be physically sick and feel like you are going to die - it's the worst set of feelings in the world.

When the baby started kicking me at 17 weeks and I was in Cornwall with my hubby - I lost it and got really panicky as I was not in control of my body, it was ridiculous - we had to come home a day early. To make the panic worse I was really worried about how the bad tummy, bowels etc and racing heart affected the baby, so I panicked more !!!!! GRRRRR !!!

Anyway I went back to my therapist and talked things through and since then everything has been going really well and I realised that most of my recent panic was pregnancy related and because I was reacting badly to feeling sick etc, so I now manage (I have my moments) to try and keep control of it.

I am hoping after the baby is born that I will not have to go back on the medication I was on and that I will start to chill, but sadly I know this will always be a part of me from time to time.

Would be interesting to talk more if you want to.

Big hugs,

x

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hey Kim and Minikins...

yesterday was a bad day for me, so much so that my husband and I had to go out and have a long walk and a picnic to clam me down. That sounds funny, but I find that if we have a bit of us time, that horrible feeling either subsides somewhat or goes away totally. Also, my husband has been a volunteer counsellor in the past so I suppose he's heard it all, really.
Today, I'm much better, though my mind is still inclined to race at odd moments, and I've acknowledged to myself that that is all this problem is, not the countless what if scenarios in my head.
If either of you need further help, I have found the "no more Panic" site very good...www.nomorepanic.co.uk, but just to tell you that dipping into it rather than living on it is probably a better idea, as there are so many people in there with problems, if you read too much of it you get worried about yourself. There is a particularly good article called "when the Gloves come off" somewhere on that site too, explaining the psychology of fear responses and panic. It helped me, I hope it helps you.

Baby is kicking now...think he/she approves of Mom being open and relaxed.

Talk again soon

Sue

 

[minikins]

Tiny sue thanks for the website info there, that is useful stuff as some of the sites I have been on are naff !!

My hubby is great too, so supportive that sometimes I feel so guilty, but he loves me panic attacks and all!

Keep us posted on things.

x

 

[Kim]

Wow Sue do you feel kicking already?? Gutted, I haven't felt anything yet...

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hey Kim -

Everyone is different. I believe that many women don't feel it till 22 weeks in their first but I think I was feeling it as far back as 11 weeks. I was really worried - I had been bitten by a bat at 6 weeks and had to get rabies shots over the next 30 days, so I was sure that all the movement I was feeling meant the baby was in some kind of distress. However, I asked the Gyny at my 12 week scan and he said that while it was early, it's not impossible. baby quietened down for a couple of weeks after that and has started up again with a vengeance the last few days. I think it may depend on what I eat.

Then again, my husband has started talking to my bump and saying things like "it's always darkest before the dawn" and " six eights are forty eight" and "your mother's a loony", so I think that maybe he might be scaring the poor bean!

Love

loony Sue

 

[Kim]

He he that's so funny. My OH hasn't talked to my bump yet .

I thought I felt some movement yesterday but how do you know if it is baby or wind??

Sorry to change the topic, how are you feeling lately. I'm ok this week

 

[Tiny Sue]

I feel just fine this week too! As a matter of fact, i think i was getting out too little. A friend of mine called for me to go for a walk yesterday and I was in great form after it.

I think that if it feels like a butterfly trying to get out, or an elastic band pinging, or something moving around inside you where you KNOW there can be no intestines, then it's your baby. I know that I didn't think it felt like any wind I'd ever experienced before! Baby had done a couple of flips though, and definitely no bowel movement had ever done that either. Then again, it is different for everyone. My baby book says that you should never compare notes, because the baby will move differently for everyone.

Now it's definitely baby. I'm getting kicks in my navel, and every now and then when I've had something sweet he/she has a party on my bladder.

Let's keep this thread for anxiety only - that way we don't have to go into a depressing thread when we want to talk... what do you suggest? "Buddy Thread"? I dunno...

Let's see what the week turns up!

Sue

 

[minikins]

Let's keep this thread for anxiety only - that way we don't have to go into a depressing thread when we want to talk... what do you suggest? "Buddy Thread"? I dunno...

yeah agreed, it's good to have an anxiety thread, not good to be anxious but to have a thread to talk about it on is fab, thanks Tiny Sue !

 

I've had anxiety for many years (since I was about 7 yrs old) and have been on meds since I was 12. I have come off them manytimes since then but alwys gone back on them within a month due to not coping. am not on my meds now and haven't been since I got PG and so far amd 'coping'. I still have at least one anxiety r panic attack a week and usually reults in me shaking, crying uncontrolably and soaking OH's shirt with tears.

I'm glad this thread was started - makes you feel not so alone with this crappyness!

 

[Tiny Sue]

I went to the library yesterday and got two books - one on anxiety and the other on OCD, which I think is part of my disorder too, I used to have rituals and stuff to take care of my obsessive thought patterns and thought this might be worth reading.

But the book said that men in general are more susceptible and women only marginally more so than men in PMS and in pregnancy...and it's because we care and care so much that we have to check things, it's not because you're abnormal or anything like that. I think we tend to forget what sends us into these spirals, which is shame and guilt, which are both signs of people who care a lot.

*HUG* to Sami - you keep coping honey.

PM me all of your email addresses, and we'll keep in touch, girls. I think it would be good, healthy and fun.

Sue

 

[Layla]

Not sure if this is the right plce to post this, i dont suffer with anxiety but i do have a history of depression coz of events in my past.

I didnt want to make another thread coz i seem to be making loads and i didnt want people to get annoyed at me, so im posting this here, hope thats ok....

I was doubtful of everything at teh start of my pregnancy, wasnt sure whether i loved my OH or wanted this baby, but then my ex did play a big part of that and im sure it was him, plus hormones that was making my mind work over time.

Things have been great between me and my OH for a good few weeks now, we cant wait for the baby to come and we are praying everything is ok on the 20 week scan (thats when they test here for anything that may be wrong, not at 12 weeks)
the wedding is all planned and we are both so exicted about it.

But lately, the past few days, i have been terrified he will leave me or have an affair.
I have no sex drive at all right now, to the point where i cant even give him a real kiss, all i want to kisses(pecks) and cuddles, which is not like me, im not an affectionate person at all!

He is going to reading festival next week and will be gone for 5 days, i had a dream that he got so drunk that he had a one night stand with some random girl and she fell pregnant, its put the fear of god in to me!
I told him about it and he has offerd not to go, but i want him to go and enjoy himself, just coz i cant go now doesnt mean he cant, right?

But i think coz i have no sex drive, and havent had for a while, he will go off and find it some where else, i cant seem to get these thoughts out of my mind and its driving me crazy!

i love him so much and i really dont want to lose him, i have noticed that im becoming very clingy with him too, i dont want to be like that.

agghh sorry, rambled on a bit to long....like i said, i didnt want to start another thread so i hope its ok i posted this in here.

xxx

 

[Kim]

Hey Layla

Don't worry I'm sure what you're feeling is normal because when we are pregnant everything seems worse becuase of all the hormones. I have been having some dreadful thoughts about my OH, like that he'll abandon our child or beat me or whatever, all of them totally irrational upon reflection but they just come into my head for no reason and upset me, even thought they are all unfounded.

Chin up and blame the hormones, I am and it does work!!

 

[Tiny Sue]

Layla,

I'm sure everything will be fine. Your OH sounds like a decent sort, especially offering not to go when you told him about the dream. He didn't throw a strop or anything, and he's just as anxious about things as you are. I get those thoughts too about my OH, when I'm down and the sex drive isn't what it used to be, but that's all they are, thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time, the thing is to look at them and say, "nah", and get on with something else to distract yourself. If they really bother you, talk to him, you might find he's been worried about you doing the same things! It's not only women who have a decrease in sex drive during pregnancy, some men lose their libido in sympathy too! And if both of you are working really hard and are a bit stressed out planning a wedding and all that, no wonder you're not in the mood!

*HUG* Everything will be fine, ducky. It's a good day every day you wake up beside a partner who loves you and baby.

Sue

 

[Layla]

thanx guys xx

I have spoken to him, and let him read the message i put on here, just so he knew how i was feeling.

he has reasured me that im the one for him and that no one else could make him happy. he loves me to bits.

I said sorry about the sex drive thing and he said not to be silly coz he understands.

Im so lucky to have him

 

[Tiny Sue]

Layla I'm glad it all worked out *HUG*

Hope all is well with you and little bean.

In other news, I've borrowed a book on OCD from the library - I know it's not what I have, but I suffer from aspects of it I think. I've read a bit and it's very interesting. My anxiety has made two attempts to come back at me in the last fortnight, and each time I've applied a theory that they mention in this book. It works! Maybe there's a way out without therapy after all!

Sue