Angry Mother (Rant!)

[MaybeAFlumpx]

My mums really starting to P*ss me off with this, need to let it out.

Ever since coming off the pill my mothers taking a rather large dislike to me. Not that i care much but i did make the terrible error of telling her i was coming off the pill so we had this massive argument!. Ive been on it since i was 17 and ive read that if you smoke and drink (which i do) when on the pill your more at risk of getting a blood clot which scared me and fiance wants a baby is another reason.

But anyway, she came back at me so angry with 'If you got pregnant id cry, id be so disappointed' and 'i dont care if you dont like taking it, your taking it' Im 21 for god sake i shouldn't really take orders from my mother, i can do what i want, so at the moment were not exactly on talking terms as she found my thermometer and my chart that i ordered from amazon so again she rants off at me expressing how upset and disappointed she'd be if i was pregnant. And according to her..Its dangerous to stop the pill now i have a 'boyfriend' even though he's my fiance, she seriously makes me laugh

She also hates my fiance, ever since she first met him shes been telling me i can do better than him, she insults my engagement ring and says it out of a lucky bag. She also insults his weight even though shes not skinny herself. Her standards have always been over my head, she thinks i should get some hunky boyfriend, and to be honest im happy with Ian, he treats me like a human and not some piece of meat, and besides 'pretty boys' are too high maintenance for me, they'd spend more time looking in the mirror than i do.

Im seriously resenting my mother, i know i shouldn't but its pretty hard not to as i know as soon as i get my back from my fiance's im going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble with her and to be honest, if she does start then im moving out and in with my fiance and his mother who'll be happy to have me. Since i spend all my time down here anyway, and i know my dad will probably start as well. Its not my idea of fun but we'll see what goes off, if i dont write for a few days ive moved out!

Thanks for listening to my drivel! I feel a bit better now hehe

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

If you were 16 then I'd understand why she wouldn't want you to fall pregnant but your not, your an adult! Has she said why she doesn't want you to have a baby?

 

[Princess81]

she sounds like she's just being petty she should be happy that you've found someone who you love and who treats u well x

 

[MaybeAFlumpx]

If you were 16 then I'd understand why she wouldn't want you to fall pregnant but your not, your an adult! Has she said why she doesn't want you to have a baby?

Exactly. Im not 16 anymore. I think its because im the youngest she gives me more crap than my brother!. She said she doesn't want me to have a baby because im too young

 

[LouiseB]

I kind of think she has a right to be annoyed if you are still dependant on her...

I mean, living in her house or even your fiances mothers house - if you are in someone else's home, what right to do have to impose your child upon them without their consent?

I assume you'd ask before bringing a puppy home?

Sure, it will be their grandchild and they'll love it - but i just think they have a right to not have a screaming baby imposed on them 24/7

It's not only yours and your fiances life that you are going to be effecting unless you have place of your own.

If you are 100% dependant, or plan to be before you get pregnant then she's just going to have to get over it

 

[bearsmummy]

I'm only 21 and a single parent and i live at home and my whole family love it and keep begging me not to move out but my mum was disappointed when i first told her. I think you just need to give it time i'm sure when you do get pregnant she may be a bit frosty but hopefully she'll warm up to the idea of having a little grandbaby! xx

 

[leanne1b]

I think ur mum is going a bit too far. You are an adult.
But, I think its just a reaction to her baby. Im assuming ur brother has no kids?
This sounds silly, as Im 23 with 2 kids, I got pregnant with my eldest when I was 18. Though a very very mature 18.
However, if my daughter got pregnant at 21... I think I would be disappointed. I hate to say it, but I would.
I wouldn't change a thing about my children, they are the best thing to ever happen to me and have made me a better person, BUT, I want my children to do things differently to us. I want them to go to uni (if they want to do something that requires a degree). I want them to have the choice to go travelling, to save some money to buy somewhere rather than rent if possible. To have a good social life etc.
I know this is all possible with kids, but much easier without. In essence,, I dont want them to have the struggles we have had. I think about 26/27 would be a good age in my opinion.
I duno, I know its hypocritical of me, but 21 is still very young, yeah obviously an adult, but still young.

I know its irritating, but Id guess shes just finding it hard to think of her child growing up, and maybe just wants you to enjoy being free and able to do what you want for a bit longer
x

 

[MrsR]

Your mum is probably just worried. She wants the best for you, even though it's hard to see at the moment. Maybe you should try to look at her concerns from her point of view. Perhaps you could look at other forms of contraception until you have your own place and are independant?

 

[Alexandra84]

I kind of think she has a right to be annoyed if you are still dependent on her...

I mean, living in her house or even your fiances mothers house - if you are in someone else's home, what right to do have to impose your child upon them without their consent?

I assume you'd ask before bringing a puppy home?

Sure, it will be their grandchild and they'll love it - but i just think they have a right to not have a screaming baby imposed on them 24/7

It's not only yours and your fiances life that you are going to be effecting unless you have place of your own.

If you are 100% independent, or plan to be before you get pregnant then she's just going to have to get over it

I have to say that I agree with this. If you're still living with your parents and don't have the means to live independently (ie. rent your own place with your partner) then perhaps this isn't the best time to be coming off contraception (if you're worried about the pill then there are other better forms of contraception, e.g. Mirena). After all if you guys can't yet support yourselves then how are you going to support a baby? I'm sure that if you move out into your own place and show that you are perfectly capable of supporting yourselves and a future family your mother's attitude will change.

As for being an adult at 21, well, legally you're right as you are of adult age. But if you're still dependent on your mother or have to live with your fiance's parents then, in practical terms, you're not quite there yet are you? Sorry if that sounds harsh but you did ask for opinions...

 

[cosmicgirl]

You say you want to come off the pill for health reasons, but fiancé wants a baby??? So which reason is it? I agree with Louise, if you live dependently on someone else who isn't your partner and they aren't happy with an impending pregnancy, maybe it's not the right time. Sorry hun, just being honest x

 

[xxbeckyxx]

Sorry but I have to agree with Louise. I wouldn't dream of getting pregnant if I lived with my mum, or at anyone else's house! My mum would have been very disappointed if I became pregnant while living with her, but she was pleased as anything when I did because OH and I had our own place/jobs/car etc and could cope by ourselves. I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant so I don't think it's anything to do with age, it's more your situation.

I also wouldn't want to become a mum while living under someone else's roof - it's hard enough making decisions on how to raise a baby by yourself, I couldn't stand it if there were other people sticking their noses in! And while you are still dependant on your mum, you can't prove yourself as an independent adult able to look after a child of your own iykwim?

Hope I don't offend anyone, just my opinion

 

[leanne1b]

I didnt even notice the living at home bit until I saw the replies. Okay, if I was ur mum , I would def be going through the roof.
I hope this isn't overly harsh/to the point, but... well, no!
You obviously haven't got financial independence, so can't have the money to raise a child. Also, you are the youngest right? You are 21. Im sure your mum would love a baby in the future, but she has not agreed to signing up to sleepless nights all over again, and definately gets a massive say in this option seeing as it will affect her so much.
You don't have a baby because you think you've been on the pill for a long time. Just use a condom?
Yeah, I was young. V unplanned. I wouldn't have chosen to have a child at that time, but it happened. Would I have intentionally got pregnant in those circumstances... hell no.
x

 

[leanne1b]

Is anyone else thinking this isn't a real post?

 

[MaybeAFlumpx]

You say you want to come off the pill for health reasons, but fiancé wants a baby??? So which reason is it? I agree with Louise, if you live dependently on someone else who isn't your partner and they aren't happy with an impending pregnancy, maybe it's not the right time. Sorry hun, just being honest x

Its mainly for health reasons that id like to stop because since ive been reading up that smoking and drinking poses a higher risk of developing blood clots had got me a bit worried.

Yes, i am the youngest as my older brother is 24. Its just annoying as he gets away with a hell of a lot more than i do and it just pees me off a lot!!

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

i really think your mum has a right to be the way she is i deffo wouldnt be trying for a baby if you live with her i think its disrespecting your parents wishes too you may think shes getting at you but shes also looking out for you too in a good way. to your mum yes you probably are to young to be a mum also shes probably look at how your gonig to support baby finantially youve not mention if you both work or your getting benifits or if you ctually like with your fiance or mum if you live on your own or with your fiance yeah shes still gonig to be like that my oh dad was exactually the same was disappointed in both of us but soon come round to the idea of us having a baby the same agin im pregnant with my second one so he was the same disappointed and they dont think ill be able to cope but ill prove them wrong. but really you need to think that they say all this medical stuff but really how many people smake and drink while on the pill? and nothing happened to them.and youve been on it since you were 17 and your 21 now how long you been smoking for sure if the 'medical' things that could happen would happen already. so yeah i can see where your mum is coming from if my daughter was your age and she come in saying she wanted a baby id be upset but also look at her future to does she have a chance of a career b4 kids yes it wont be my choice to make for her but id at least talk to her about it id rather her have a job than being on benifits like me atm but unfortunatly i dont like being on income support andthere really isnt any jobs going round by me or even in local towns near me

 

[midnight]

I kind of think she has a right to be annoyed if you are still dependant on her...

I mean, living in her house or even your fiances mothers house - if you are in someone else's home, what right to do have to impose your child upon them without their consent?

I assume you'd ask before bringing a puppy home?

Sure, it will be their grandchild and they'll love it - but i just think they have a right to not have a screaming baby imposed on them 24/7

It's not only yours and your fiances life that you are going to be effecting unless you have place of your own.

If you are 100% dependant, or plan to be before you get pregnant then she's just going to have to get over it

sorry but im with louise on this as your under your parents roof your mother has every right to voice her opinion i wouldnt be impressed either in fact id hit the roof

 

[Froslass]

I agree with everyone else I have to say...

I've just turned 20, and OH and I were planning on moving in together this summer (before Uni starts again) as we both still live with our parents.

When I found out I was pregnant, (still living with my parents) In amongst all the other emotions, I felt terribly guilty that I had put them in that position. My pregnancy was accidental, and still I worry that OH and I won't be able to support this baby.

I'm unsure as to why you might think it's ok to expect your mum to support you and this child? Don't you think that you and your OH should at least try to make a go of it living with eachother (as you said in your post you love eachother)- doesnt your prospective baby deserve the best start possible?

I'm not trying to say that it can't work you and your OH living apart or anything, because lots of couples do it and it works for them - but because they aren't together.

If you and your OH are together, I don't think it's fair to expect your mum to house all 3 of you.

Take it from me, being in the situation where you are rushing to find somewhere to live whilst pregnant, is not something you should plan on doing. It's not fun, or ideal.

Listen to your mother!!

 

[Froslass]

And not to sound mean, but if you're living under her roof, she has the right to give you her opinion...

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

thats all true what everyone is saying i think my mum would og off it if i fell pregnant while living under her roof

 

[Froslass]

thats all true what everyone is saying i think my mum would og off it if i fell pregnant while living under her roof

My mum and dad did! Even though I was on the pill, I felt so rotten for not being completely independent lol

OH and I are about to buy our first house, and I'm still worried lol! x