.... and again. (15th loss) Bleeding on/off.

Tuesday 9th February - Beta 43
Thursday 11th February - Beta 114.

On Thursday 11th February on/off pink watery discharge, quite light.

Thursday 18th February, the discharge was heavier, and redder. Again, stopped.
Friday, again, heavier, then stopped.
Saturday 20th February (yesterday) the bleeding lasted much longer. I went to A&E as I had left sided pains and they suspected ectopic.
Blood test, Cannula in later, Scan too - and the beta had dropped to only 52.

Yesterday whilst at the hospital they wanted a urine sample, and in the bottom of the cup (Excuse my bloody urine) but I think it may have been the baby? Maybe? I don't know. I should have been 6 weeks yesterday.

I am absolutely gutted, I sort of knew it was coming too although I tried to remain positive. I've never spotted with any of my successful pregnancies. I just don't want to breathe at the moment. I feel alone, we even got to see a 2-3 pregnant on a clearblue, I honestly thought this was it. We even bought baby grows.
'Daddy's little squirt'
'I love mummy & Daddy' &
'Shush, I'm watching the racing with my daddy'

How do you get over the grief? I've decided we're not TTC any more or for the near future. I don't want to go through this again, on my own.
At the hospital they wanted to transfer me into a bigger hospital, I'd have had to go in the ambulance by myself and stayed in the hospital on my own, no visitors. I cannot do this on my own.

Bleeding has stopped again. So I'm hoping that the bleeding starts and finishes what it needs to do.

I know my body has a history of having ''missed miscarriages'' where my body doesn't want to let the baby go. I'm hoping this can be naturally managed, rather than medically managed with methotroxate injection, which I narrowly escaped last time (March 2015 & May 2019).

Sorry for the long post, I dont know where else to post. How to heal, how to recover.

I've also created a TTC / Miscarriage tiktok journey account, PM me if you'd like to follow my journey through the grief.

 

Thank you all for your kind words.
I'm still able to return quite a dark positive result, so I'm hoping the levels drop a little quicker now that I've passed 3 HUGE clots today. I'm in disbelief this has happened to be honest, But I've created a tiktok and have a following on there, and following other peoples journeys too, which is helping me. I'm creating videos about my journey which makes me sad, but I think is also helping.