An awkward situation.

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by flexilexi394, Feb 7, 2016.

  1. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    Ladies... It's not necessarily a pregnancy related drama. However... It's becoming that way.

    There's a particular mum at the school, her son is in my daughters class. They went to same preschool so I recognised her at beginning of term.

    She chatted away to me then started suggesting play dates, no problem. She invited me along too with Sofia so we did this. That day, she was like "your turn to have them next, how about next week? I have to work Thursday evening so you can take my son" and of course I thought, cheek of it. But I did it to return the favour then distance myself from her.

    Her son was an absolute horror the whole time. He drew on my walls, told my daughter he was going to make our own dogs eat her, he punched and slapped her when they were on their own playing... It was really awkward.

    Anyway, she then just leached onto me. We had to exchange numbers because of me having her son without her being there and stuff... Well every day now if I'm not there at a certain time I get a phone call demanding I hurry up as I'll be late.

    She texts me allllllll the time. She's nosey as hell and asks things that have nothing at all to do with her eg. If I want to speak to the class teacher she tries eavesdropping.

    She has proceeded to zip my daughters coat up after and before school (Sofia luckily just unzips it because it's like hell trying to get her to even wear a coat), she constantly hoists her socks up... Shes like a pain in the ass mum that doesn't f*ck off!

    Now I'm pregnant... Jeeeez I get so many demands! She even says "I'll ring your doctor and sort this out for you" meaning my morning sickness as I'm always sick. She asks, I tell her how I feel - the answer every day is "sick".

    I am desparate to get away from this nutter, because what the hell is she going to be like when I've got the baby?!

    It's really quite frustrating. She then met my mum one time at school because my mum sometimes picks Sofia up.

    She then adds my mum on Facebook. She saw that my mum went to the horse show Olympia and now won't shut up about going with my mum to this show later this year.

    She's one of these people that hugs and kisses frigging everyone, something me and my mum aren't into AT ALL. She fucking grabs me and hugs me all the time. On Friday she kissed me so much I thought she was going to go in for a snog! It was really creepy!

    I think she's lonely... Her husband is a college teacher and stays late a lot at work ... But what the hell do I do to not be the one she is leached onto?! How do you go about politely telling someone to f*ck off????
     
  2. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2012
    Messages:
    11,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    She sounds gay to me... :lol:

    All jokes aside here hun I think you need to tell her to back off, whats the worst? Her not speaking to you would be a good thing?

    I deffo think shes overstepping the limits I mean saying shell sort your sickness? What the hell. Far too personal.

    Try distancing yourself and the next time she really over steps just say look no offence but Im an adult and dont need ayone else involved in my personal life.

    Im like Sheldon from big bang so awkward with hugs esp from strangers.

    If you dont tell her now by the time your far on you may just crack in the middle of the playground! :shock:

    xxx
     
  3. Kitten1991

    Kitten1991 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2015
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    0
    I can't comment as I am going to be a first time mum in May.... I would suggest speaking to her first if that doesn't work just block her number you don't need the stress
     
  4. twinkle90

    twinkle90 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2011
    Messages:
    2,869
    Likes Received:
    0
    She sounds horrendous tbf. I couldn't be dealing with that. Did you tell her about what her son done? Her reply? I do think you need to tell her to back off and that you feel uncomfortable with what she's doing. I mean getting involved with your mum as well its too much. Thus actually made me feel awkward reading this. Dont let this go on any longer, she will be your birthing partner next, can you imagine that :/ xx
     
  5. Charliebump3

    Charliebump3 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2014
    Messages:
    529
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh my she sounds like a real nightmare!

    My best friend who is see most days wouldn't even interfere in my life to this extent. She strikes me as desperate for a friend but she is being too forceful! I'm not a hug and kiss person unless it's my hubby as I believe that they are very intimate.

    I'm not too sure what I would do in this situation because I really don't like confrontation but maybe you could tell her you appreciate her trying to help but you are doing OK and if you need help you will ask!
     
  6. carli91

    carli91 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2012
    Messages:
    918
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh god this is my worst nightmare! I'm not one for speaking up for myself but in this case I think I would just have to tell her to f*ck off xx
     
  7. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    I awkwardly told her that her son was pretty naughty. She thinks it's hillarious that he behaves badly. A few days ago he pinched a little girl in the morning. We both saw him do it, and she told him off whilst laughing.

    I think that maybe she doesn't know how to correct or discipline her son maybe? He stabbed her in the eye with a sharp pencil a few weeks back because he didn't want to practice his writing in the morning it was really embarrassing to watch. Maybe he's out of control for her at home and she's like desparate for a friend?!

    I mean, she's 45. She never seems to have anything better to do than pester the life out of me - I reckon this is what she is like with people and people don't want to be her friend. I really hate being hugged it's so frigging weird!

    I even don't get to school early any more because she pounces lol - I wait til the last minute to leave for school. I try get away before she notices me but sometimes i can't avoid it. She's a loud character, thinks she's the bollocks and just makes her presence known wherever she is. She HATES our kids class teacher, and I think she's great, she's even tried to make me say things to the bloody teacher but I'm quite an abrupt character so maybe she's struggling to manipulate me and just tried everything! She's a very dominant character so this wouldn't surprise me.

    I'm good friends with a lady that works at our old preschool where this nutter also went with her son, and I've told my friend about this and she said she was like that with her sometimes but not as full on as she is with me so it's definitely not only me. It's just so annoying and weird.

    Later I am just going to do what I usually do by trying to keep my head down. I am going to ignore her calls if she starts on me this afternoon, and say something if she does actually ring me because yeah; i am the type to lose it and if I do I don't want it to be in the middle of the playground! Xx
     
  8. fcroxy

    fcroxy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,490
    Likes Received:
    0
    What an awful situation to be in, she sounds like a nightmare!

    I don't have much advice tbh but I would stop answering her calls and just be blunt with her when you see her on the school run, make out your in a rush and can't stop and speak, hopefully she gets the idea lol. I can be quite ignorant anyway and hardly ever answer my phone to anyone other than family ha :)

    What does your mum think of her and her adding on facebook and stuff? Hope you get it sorted. Xx
     
  9. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    My mum very much dislikes her - just an over the top person that my mum isn't into... She has since taken her off Facebook I think which is fair enough.

    Yeah that's kind of my tactic now is just try get her to get the hint. My only day where I have a remotely normal after school with no activities is Thursday's and she goes on and on at me every Thursday to come over in my pyjamas with Sofia and have a relaxing evening which is not ever going to happen!! I like to just go home and relax not have to worry about being at someone's house or them being at my house. If she asks me again about after school I am literally going to say it's just not an option any more xx
     
  10. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2012
    Messages:
    11,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Id block her number and anytime she invites you tell her your busy either resting. Before baby comes or organizing yourself with baby stuff.

    I think adding your mum on fb is just so weird.

    If I had someone phone and say to me youll be late Id just reply and how is that your concern? But then I get quite snappy when people are just over stepping.

    Your better to sort it. Cant go through all of primary school like this!!

    xxxx
     
  11. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    Tell me about it, it's driving me mental lol today when I got to the school she pounced on me and said "oh I didn't see you walk up" effing liar because I walked past her car and saw her still in it and I know she spotted me because as I went passed she then got out and pretended not to see me LOL then once the kids had come out, she started banging on about what evening I could do this week blah blah and I just said "evenings aren't good for me at the moment I'm very busy" and she continued to say "in that case you'd better get the diary out and book us in hadn't you" AHHH I just said "not right now but thanks."

    Jeez it's tiring. I might in all seriousness move Sofia's school closer to where I live anyway lol she's not at her catchment school due to us moving late last year so that would bloody solve it wouldn't it! Xx
     
  12. lisa1985

    lisa1985 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2013
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    0
    You haven't known her that long so you don't owe her anything. Not like she is a family member or life long friend. Just don't text back as much and say you are busy and tired with pregnancy, hopefully she will get the hint. If she doesn't then just tell her she is being overbearing x
     
  13. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2012
    Messages:
    11,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Shes such a brass neck isnt she? Who is even that persistent?

    Lonely or not, everyones prob left her cos shes so overbearing, no wonder her husband works late lol.

    Book us in ... Emmm no cause i have better things to do. Infact yes, get a diary amd just fill it everyday with busy... Sorry.. No slots abailable im busy until 2017 :lol:

    I would only move sofia if its bettet for u and her, not cause of a parent as thats not fair if shes settled. Mind u I get she has to share a class with the boy... Its a tough one.

    xxxx
     
  14. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    It is a tricky one! Bloody woman lol - yeah I know it seems extreme but moving Sofia at some point would actually benefit me and not just because I need to get away from a smothering psycho! Xxx
     
  15. Nickinakinoo

    Nickinakinoo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2015
    Messages:
    358
    Likes Received:
    4
    I feel your pain, I had an old work colleague like that! Oddly once I handed my notice in she stopped talking to me! Hope this mornings school run went ok x
     
  16. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    Some people eh Nicki!

    Today was alright until we got out of school, she got in her car then rang me straight away!! she even drove past me when she was ringing me.... I didn't answer. we literally just saw each other and I walked out the same gate with her and everything. ahhh!! xx
     
  17. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2012
    Messages:
    11,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sooo creepy!!!

    Phoning whilst passing you :|

    xxxx
     
  18. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2011
    Messages:
    4,247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do you want this person in your life?

    Especially one that lets her son behave naughtily without consequences, does stuff to your daughter that you don't want her to do, starts leaching on to people in your family... basically stomping ALL over your boundaries?

    I think you know the answer :)

    Maybe first talk to your mum about all this so that she can detach (or at least put her on a restricted profile) on facebook.

    It might seem easier to try and come up with excuses to try and wriggle away from her, but she strikes me as the sort of person who will blitz through them and leave you feeling even more powerless.

    If you want to give her a 'chance' to change, maybe speak to her first about the things that are bugging you with regards to how she treats your daughter. Make it clear they're important to you and that you want her to do XYZ not ABC. If she carries on ignoring how you want her to be treated then that's a clear exit sign and doubly a reason to give her why you think you don't want things to carry on as they do.

    I'd also go through in your mind any side-benefits that come from her using you in the way she currently does, e.g. do you get some time to yourself without having to look after children that is handy? It is useful to understand anything that might hold you back, and also try and find an alternative way of arranging things that don't have to go through her.

    The thing is, if you don't do anything, you know it's only going to get worse. I realised recently that "not so nice" people are out there and try it on with everyone; the thing is some people know how to put up barriers and rebuff them, and sadly the nice people-pleasing types get locked onto by the "not so nice" people as they don't want to upset them etc.

    I really hope you get this woman off your back - nightmare!! xxx
     
  19. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    7,045
    Likes Received:
    5
    Thanks tinselcat - my mum removed her off of facebook because she was driving her mad too. Of course I barely know the woman so don't need or want her in my life at all... its just so awkward to try and come out with things whilst on the school run or wherever.

    If she invites my daughter to tea, she invites me also plus my daughter would not go without me anyway she isn't keen on her or her son.

    Now I shall grow some balls and just tell her how it is if she keeps on at me. I am not doing the school run later but I will be seeing her tomorrow morning luckily the mornings are better than the afternoons. xx
     
  20. sammielou

    sammielou Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2015
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good luck with her. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who will take a hint - so it sounds like being blunt and honest is the only way.

    It's usually easier to enforce boundaries 'in the moment' - i.e. rather than confront her with a long list of 'all these things you do bug the hell out of me, please stop it', rather tackle each one as she does it.

    Physically block a hug and back away and say 'I don't feel like being hugged, thank you.'
    Keep ignoring phone calls/ text messages. Responding would only encourage her to keep doing it.
    For refusing invites, never give excuses or reasons. Just say 'No thank you.' If she asks you why, just say 'I can't make it.' Keep answers short and simple and leave no room whatsoever for argument. The less you say the less ammunition this woman has.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice