Am I wrong to be annoyed?!?!?

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Chazabell, Jul 21, 2013.

  1. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    Hiya girls, hope you are all well. Ill catch up on posts today.

    Haven't been on for a while because I get sucked into ttc then it ruins me when the witch turns up!

    Need to rant tho, and only you girls will give me your honest opinion!!

    I'm bridesmaid next year for one of my friends. She knows the whole ttc journey and we can talk about anything. But she is one of those girls who wants the absolute best of everything. If you have a broken wrist she's had it bitten off....if you get me.

    Anyway. She booked in to look at bridesmaid dresses a few months ago (gets married June 2014) she didn't tell me till last min and I couldn't go because of work. I asked her how it went and she never said anything. Then she said we'll be going in August so I need to book the day off.

    So after listening to her natter on about her wedding and how expensive it is bla bla ( I couldn't get a word in about my wedding next December) I asked her what date she was thinking for the dresses as Ill book it off. Then she said, "ohh ill take you in Jan" so I questioned why and her reply......

    "I'll order your dress in January. If your not pregnant by then ill be happy to order it"

    WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!? As if this journey wasn't hard enough!

    I questioned her and said I'm not happy with that, I've said ill pay for any new dress of alteration if this miracle does ever happen. What if we get pregnant in Feb?

    So annoyed. I've been singled out again because of this ttc malarkey, I feel so upset and angry. She has no idea how much she has hurt me, I told my fiancé I wanted to leave and we left 30 mins later!

    Am I right or wrong for feeling like this & what would you do/ say? :cry: xxxx
     
  2. TINKS82

    TINKS82 Well-Known Member

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    I would feel exactly the same chaz. She knows what u are going through so should be more understanding. Its not fair that she feels u cant be included in the bridesmaid dresses until jan. Seems a bit selfish to me and like u say what if u fall pregnant in feb or march! She shouldnt care if u are or not pregnant, its ur support and being there on the day that should count. Id speak to her about it and reiterate that ull pay for alterations, but u feel left out/pushed to one side because of ur circumstances which seems unfair and u want to be included. Maybe she doesn't realise how much shes upset u coz shes so wrapped up in her wedding. Xx
     
  3. Sarah13

    Sarah13 Well-Known Member

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    Awww how hurtful and selfish. I had 2 pregnant bridesmaids, I didn't know either were ttc when we started dress hunting but wasn't an issue at all anyway, we just got one dress altered and a maternity dress for my sister who was further on. It really doesn't matter so can't see what her problem is! I would have a chat with her and explain how you feel, and that if you a lucky and are pregnant then you will pay for alterations etc. X
     
  4. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    Its amazing how people go a bit potty when organising a wedding. We nearly fell out with our best man when he got married cos he got so unreasonable with his demands. I don't remember getting so wound up about every detail being perfect but then I generally just go with thte flow. Its really hard, but the positive to this that your friend ina very insenstive way is right, your shot at having a baby is far from over, a year is a long time. X
     
  5. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    I've been really stewing over it and I'm not the type of person to confront people, so idiot know what I'm gonna do.

    She's being a little unrealistic over her hen do too. 1st it was a meal and co cocktails close to where she lives, and now it's Marbella....who does she think she is?! I've told her In no way can I afford Marbella for her hen do as I get married myself 6 months later and I'm paying for it all myself unlike her who has had money handed to her on a plate and all she is saving for is a honeymoon. And along with that, if Iui fails we will be undergoing IvF. She's turned into a bridezilla. I haven't made any demands whatsoever about my wedding xxx
     
  6. beckyboo1

    beckyboo1 Well-Known Member

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    Wow- some friend she is!!

    Can't believe you managed to not say anything. How does she think having a pregnant bridesmaid makes any difference??

    My best friend was one of my bridesmaids and she told me really early days that she was pregnant (we got married 6 months after getting engaged!) but to me it made no difference- I asked her because she was my best friend- we just jointly picked a dress that would suit her at 6 months pregnant.

    Really rude IMO co speeding she knows what you've been going thru xxx
     
  7. beckyboo1

    beckyboo1 Well-Known Member

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    Oh and I also don't understand why people think they have to go to places like Marbella for a hen do- I mean who seriously has money like that to throw around??

    Sorry she's really got my goat!!!
     
  8. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    She's got your goat? She's got my goat! Still stewing!

    Try this one.....her fella and my oh went away, and she went away to portugal the same weekend. So I was home on my own, and the witch was here so it was all fun and games for me. When she returned she said "we should go to Portugal for a weekend, it's amazing and apartment is free wont cost us much" so I spoke with oh and he spoke to his mate. My oh agreed it was what I needed as ttc had got on top of me so i was all excited, bought a bikini and looked at flights. Asked her what dates are good for her in Sept and she said "oh I didn't mean this year, I have a wedding to pay for" ......am i missing something or is someone else paying for my wedding?

    She is becoming more and more unsupportive it's unreal. She doesn't seem to realise either. Her family are paying for her wedding FFS!

    Another thing too she's told me a whole load of bull about her injection, implant etc and how it's gonna take her so long to conceive etc. I'm not pregnant but I know almost everything about ttc and being pregnant. It's like a competition with her, I'm tempted to step down as bridesmaid. Don't want to cause her any stress with with my non existent bump!

    Grrrrrrr xxx
     
  9. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    She doesn't sound very nice. You know who your real friends are when it comes to the crunch. When I got married one of my best friends behaved appallingly and hasn't spoken to me since!
    Yes, could you get a style of dress that would suit you pregnant as well? Like an empire line or something? Or just tell her to forget it!
     
  10. gemmainthesun

    gemmainthesun Well-Known Member

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    Aww some people van just be really insensitive, I honestly don't think alot of people mean it though, my family r the same, I've had my auntie here with cousins and she's constantly saying, don't know why u want kids their nuisances, and then the cat broke into his own biscuits so I was laughin sayin hes self serving and she said, when u have a kid u gotta feed it You know... she doesn't mean it bad and I don't take it bad cos she's only joking but I think sometimes people just say daft things x
     
  11. Moley

    Moley Well-Known Member

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    I think you're right to feel annoyed and that I'd feel the exact same way. The thing I've noticed since being on this journey is no one understandshow this feel unless its something they have been through themselves. The amount if close friends I have to keep at a distance niwjust so I keep my sanity is unbelievable. Friends saying things like you're still not pregnant, or why dint you just adopt etc. Grrrrrrrrr!!
     
  12. mrz85

    mrz85 Well-Known Member

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    I would feel annoyed !!! :/
     
  13. Flutterby17

    Flutterby17 Well-Known Member

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    I would tell her how you feel and how upset you are. She's so wrapped up in her own world that she hasn't even considered your feelings. She won't know until you tell her. Gauge what you want to do based on how she handles it. I always work on the principe that if a friend upsets me and I say nothing then it's my problem and I can't take it out on them. But if I tell them and they don't handle it well, well perhaps they're not as good a friend as I thought.
     
  14. Belfa

    Belfa Well-Known Member

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    My cousin found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks after I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She lives in the USA so offered to step down as it was going to be too difficult. As it happened, her due date was a week after my wedding so she couldn't fly anyway. Sadly she lost that baby but conceived again a few months later. Again she offered to step down but I wouldn't have it.

    We trailed the country for bridal stores that sold bridesmaid dresses that were a) stocked in the USA and b) were bump-flattering as I still wanted all the girls to be in the same dress. She ordered her dress about 10 sizes too big and then got it altered the week before she came over. No way could I isolate her like that!

    I don't think I like your "friend", sorry! I would say to her that you can't predict what will happen and so it's probably best if you dont be a bridesmaid.
     

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