am I overreacting?

[.Ruth.]

We have our labour tour and breast feeding workshop for couples on the last saturday this month.

But now my OH wants to cancel as his friend wants to come and visit. We've been up here 13months and this is the first time a friend of his will visit.

So instead of just asking me if its ok he goes off on one saying how he hates all of the classes including antenatal and we wont even learn anything anyway.

There is an opportunity to do the labour tour a week later in the evening but a very quick one.

There isnt another breast feeding workshop though. Just the one on my own (women only) and this will be when im pretty much 39/40 weeks. I wanted to go to the couple one for support.. feels like im doing everythig on my own - reading, shopping, names EVERYTHING when I think about it.


I just feel like he doesnt care and only wants to see his friend. This has now kicked off with him saying he hates how things are atm and all I do is moan about everything.

Am I being selfish? I hate going to things alone and plans we had beig oushed aside. Beig emotional in this heat etc is not helping.

Feel like we are arguing loads recently

 

[SpinSugar]

Personally, I think he is being completely selfish and no, you are not over reacting. You need him to be learning and paying attention and it sounds like he just doesn't want to know

Xx

 

[Gemsy]

No, I don't think you are overreacting, BUT I do think his reaction is quite typical of a lot of men. I've had to manhandle mine into going to the classes etc with me. He's really excited about the baby and my pregnancy, but not too bothered about reading up and classes. I think it is quite a normal male thing, but that doesn't help how you are feeling. x

 

[Anna456]

I could of written this post in terms of feeling like I'm left to take care and worry about everything!
I don't think you're being unreasonable - he committed to coming to them with you! Yes I'm sure it would be more fun for him if he could hang out with his friend but the reality is you need him on board and there to support you when you're trying to bf when the babies here!
Could you compromise and could his friend come down after the course finished for the day? Or could his friend come on the Sunday?
I think at the moment our hormones are everywhere and I feel like I'm just misunderstood all the time by my boyfriend as I come across to him as being naggy when I'm not I just want things sorted out before the baby is here! We've been arguing about silly stuff more than we usually do - I think a lot of emotions are heightened for us all at the moment.
But I really don't think you're being unreasonable - it's frustrating when they don't get our point of view!
Hope you get it sorted out hon x

 

[.Ruth.]

Thanks ladies..

It is really hard trying to get my point across without him thinking im just being irrational!

We live 2hours away from his friend and its the only time he has off from work - so its me thats being selfish apparently.


I know men are different but seriously they just seem to think everything will fall into place when baby is here and theres no need to learn anythin!!!

 

[giz]

I think although he's being a little selfish, we also need to remember that for a lot of men the whole baby thing isn't real until the baby is actually born.

I'd like to think the arguing is quite normal. Me and my hubby are arguing lots lately.

I've also noticed he's not been as involved/doing nice things for me this time! Oh well.

----------------
baby giz born 6th Feb 2011
next one due 12th Aug 2013

 

[JoeyClare]

Definitely not being unreasonable. At the end of the day, you have already arranged these classes. My hubby wasn't overly enthusiastic about the antenatal classes as ours were in 6 hour slots on a Saturday and he works Friday and Saturday nights, but as it's my first baby, I made it clear I needed them and his support to feel better about looking after a baby.

It sounds like he is being selfish. He knew he was already busy and should have told his friend which days he was available. As much as having a baby is a huge thing for the men as well, I think they forget that our hormones are all over the place and we have to get our heads round going into labour and having the baby and what we really need is some support and understanding!!

 

[L2310]

Not overreacting in the slightest!! I'd be livid. I didn't bother booking any classes because my OH hates things like that and if he turned around on the day saying he wasn't going I would explode lol xx

 

[Tigger87]

Men really don't get it. We had our first ante natal on Saturday and hubby was working. He had no intention of getting a few hours off to come with me either until I kicked up a major stink.

Was worth him coming in the end, and he saw that once he'd been, but it was a bit of a fight to get him there!!!

I wouldn't say you were overreacting at all. These men need to learn things too!! We're pregnant but that doesn't mean it all has to be on us xx

 

[Lydia]

Your classes were planned before his friends asked if he could come over so he should have said that he has other plans for that day already. There is not much men can do during the pregnancy apart from being there for you. Right now he is just thinking of himself so it's completely normal to get angry. xx

 

[babyslog]

Ur not over reacting hun.

My OH came to the BF workshop n hes so glad he did. We both came away with soooo much info i never ever new about!
He'd be very silly to miss it!
Same for the tour, my OH thinks he now nos the hosp like the back of his hand cos we had a tour n feels so confident on what to do n where to go, we didnt realise we would have to use a side door n buzzer depending on tome i went into labour, we woulda walked arlund the otherside n gone a long arse way!!

I also ended up on consultant ward at 1st wen midwifery was on ground floor!!!!
We really would b silly to miss it hun!! Xxx

 

[buggy1]

I agree with everyone, he should be more supportive and put you and the baby first. Just because he isn't carrying it doesn't mean he shouldn't be involved, it's his baby too!

 

[.Ruth.]

Thanks ladies.

We went to bed not speaking and when he was up for work this morning we had a chat.

Things are a bit better, and will speak more when he's home later.

 

[buggy1]

I think men can just be a bit selfish and a lot of the time they don't realise they've done anything wrong, I think men are quite reactionary, they will only twig once you've got a strop with them, if you keep calm and bite your tongue they'll assume everything is fine lol

 

[k8_005]

I would say can his friend come down but u guys be at course n then see him later in evening or afternoon ? I think it's hard men see bf as something the woman does so why do they need to attend that one? Tom learned a lot from our nct class on it and if he hadn't of gone I'd have been reallt dissapointed n feel let down. He didn't come to my nhs class but to be honest it was pretty rubbish anyway but I still felt he shud have taken time off to attend. Also he missed another nct class due to being on a business trip which I also felt annoyed at him for but because was work couldn't do a lot about it if he had missed because of seeing friends tho I think idv been reallt grumpy xx

 

[umbongo]

Oh how annoying! I'm sure he didn't think it would be that big a deal. So sit him diwn, explain how important it is, too you. That you're not just being hormonal. Bf can be a challenge so it would really help for him to learn loads

The last few months of pregnancy are hard for us and therefore hard for our partners too. But they do need to take responsibility.

I hope you sort it out hun. I hate arguing! I'm very lucky my hubby is so laidback as I'm a moany bitch at the moment!!

Xx

 

[.Ruth.]

I've been so moany these past few weeks. we have compromised and he is attending the class but we are doing the tour a different day.

I win

 

[umbongo]

Good work!!

Remember you're in it together, we do all the work growing baby but that means partners need to look after us!