Am I over reacting?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by charlene09, Jan 31, 2012.

  1. charlene09

    charlene09 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry Ladies but this is probably going to be a long post.

    Me and OH have been together 3 and half years and most of that have been sexually active, he definetly has a higher sex drive than me which can be hard to deal with sometimes.
    Anyway since September last year or something I recieve a private message on facebook every night saying "sexytime?x", we have argued about this quite abit as it really makes me think, "is that all your with me for".
    Since I've gotten pregnant I just DO NOT want sex atall, not in the mood always either to tired, bellys hurting.backache or something or other, we had a talk about it the other day and he said to me "right I'll stop asking you, as long as you ask me :/ yet he was mithering again last night, not asking me for sex but just inboxing me a link from sex101 what ever it's called, I went mad at him and he just says "well ask me then" im not in the mood for it atall!!! When will he understand he was talking to me about the 80/20 rule the other night me being the 80 and someone else being the 20 if anyone knows what it means :(

    Am I over reacting or does this kinda take the piss abit

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  2. Naomi D

    Naomi D Well-Known Member

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    I think he is really taking the piss hun! My partner wants sex too but he fully understands the way I feel lately, as Im like you and I just dont feel like it. I do try and ask him if he would like 'anything else', but I make it clear Im not up for full sex.
    I think your partner needs a jolly good talking to, and let him know your feelings, and that he is making you feel pressured. On the other hand, I would also consider his feelings, and consider 'helping him out' a bit more often if thats what he wants?
     
  3. Bee7

    Bee7 Well-Known Member

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    No you're not over reacting hun. Frankly your OH needs to grow up a bit and understand that your body is going through massive changes right now and his needs are going to have to take a back seat for a while! Plus facebooking you for sex!?!?! How old is he?!

    Throughout my first trimester i was physically repulsed at the thought of sex, i didn't even like my OH touching me. Got a little bit friendlier towards him in tri 2, but now i'm in tri 3 i really don't feel able to have sex anymore whether i want it or not! Bump gets in the way and sorry, but feeling my baby kick and wriggle is a bit of a passion killer for me! Luckily my OH has always been really understanding about it and hasn't complained at all.

    I think you need to have a grown up word with him and explain that you're sorry, but he helped put this baby there in the first place so he'll have to take some of the consequences too. As Naomi said you could always do 'other things' for him, but only if you're happy with it. Don't feel pressured.

    No idea what this 80/20 rule thing is either, although i am intrigued now! xx
     
  4. Karate Kid

    Karate Kid Well-Known Member

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    I think he is being really insesitive.... you have so much going on at the moment the discomfort and tiredness are passion killers and as you said the baby wrigling inside you is also. Make sure you talk to him, he is your partner and the father of your baby so he should be more understanding.

    I am only just getting any 'desires' back now but hubby has been pretty supportive. I know it's difficult for men but he should be more aware of how challenging this pregnancy is for you xx
     
  5. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    As the others have said, he needs a stern talking to! I have no idea what the 80/20 rule is either but he sounds very immature to be honest and needs to understand the changes ur body is going through.

    If I were u, I'd punish him with no sex at all, not even a 'helping hand' until he understands that ur not his plaything! Ur his lady, who's body is under stress at the minute. Xx

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  6. charlene09

    charlene09 Well-Known Member

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    80/20 rule is I am the 80 and the no sex is the 20 which means if he isn't getting that 20 off me he will go elsewhere for it! He's 21 btw x

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  7. Fordee

    Fordee Well-Known Member

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    21? He sounds like he's 12 with that attitude! I'm actually gobsmacked that a man would talk to his pregnant girlfriend like this.
    I don't have any advice, I'm sorry, but just to let you know that I think his behaviour is totally unacceptable and he needs to grow up. He is certainly not acting like he's in an adult relationship. Don't degrade yourself and take this sort of crap from him!
    You are not overeacting!
     
  8. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    He sounds horrible! I wouldn't put up with that at all. I'd tell him if he wanted it elsewhere he's more than welcome to go elsewhere to get it.
    U deserve more and better than that! X

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  9. Maybe_mummy

    Maybe_mummy Well-Known Member

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    Ohhh dear how does he still have his goolies?? Would have ripped them off by now. I've been the same throughout my pregnancy cant face it and yes im nearly 36 weeks we dtd once in this time Ive tried to satisfy him in other ways but even that makes me sick. I wont be doing dtd again before LO was here as didnt feel as good as normal and uncomfortable but think thats mainly my big belly and achey hips. They do need to understand this you might change further on you get into your pregnancy but cant threaten you with going to someone else if you dont feel up to it, that is not on!!
     
  10. jules84

    jules84 Well-Known Member

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    Is he being a cocky little boy who thinks by threatening you with him leaving is really going to get you horny?? Like. seriously?! LOL!

    If I was you I would show him this thread! x
     
  11. mishi

    mishi Well-Known Member

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    I would tell him to trot on and grow the hell up.
    So he thinks threatening to sleep with someone else is going to have you jumping into bed with him?? Idiot
    I wouldn't be squeezing his balls any time soon, I'd be kicking him in them and then showing him the door!!
     
  12. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    Agree, he needs to grow up. He sounds massively immature x
     
  13. KAW83

    KAW83 Well-Known Member

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    Wow, well if he's old enough to get you pregnant in the first place, he should be old enough to understand how your body is changing. You have a little bean in there needing you attention, and if he wants his jollies, well maybe he should give them to himself! Don't put up with it hon, think of yourself and your little one xx
     
  14. TORino

    TORino Well-Known Member

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    Blimey, if my OH told me to put out or he would go elsewhere I'd say see you later and lock the door behind him!

    What an awful thing to say to you!

    It's emotional abuse that is, I think you need to have serious words with him.
     
  15. leesey

    leesey Well-Known Member

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    wss^^
     
  16. pandy

    pandy Active Member

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    Just to clarify, I am Charlene's OH. First of all I was explaining the 80/20 rule when it was mentioned on a film we watched and I was saying that some men go off to another woman (being the hypothetical 20) when they have someone that they're going to be much happier with (being the hypothetical 80). It had nothing to do with anything I was doing or feeling, I am very loyal to Charlene, never done anything behind her back, never even thought about it, she knows that herself.

    I admit, I love sex, most men do, and I understand that there's going to be times when she doesn't want to, but as I told Charlene, I want to actually feel like it's what she wants when we do actually have sex. It had always been like this, even before she was pregnant. Just because we're not doing it, does not mean I'm going to go elsewhere, she knows for a fact I wouldn't do that, and it hurts to see that she posted on here that I would.

    I love Charlene to bits, she knows that, I try showing her and telling her everyday, but she obviously doesn't realise how much. Alot of things have happened in this relationship that you guys don't know about, and I'm not going to mention any of it because it's not fair to do so.

    What I'm trying to say is I'm not as bad as Charlene's made out, I try my best to show her I love her, i just want to feel it back, I just wish she realised that.

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  17. charlene09

    charlene09 Well-Known Member

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    You do get love back it just doesnt always have to involve your Willy!

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  18. pandy

    pandy Active Member

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    You're way over reacting. You're making out like I tell you I want sex or I'll go to someone else. Why would you even say that? You know 100% I have never said anything like that, nor would I do or think about it. It's actually killed me that you've said I did infront of all these people, why?

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  19. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Edited.

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  20. pandy

    pandy Active Member

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    We've always had problems, mostly because of how unloyal Charlene has been, I didn't want to mention that but she's making me out to be some evil sex pest, so why not.

    Our relationship has always been like this, even before she got pregnant.

    I know you're all going to side with Charlene and I understand that, but she's making me out to be worse than I actually am. I just wanted yous to know the truth. Whether you chose to believe it or not is up to you.

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