Am I OK?

[Redshoes]

Wasn't sure where to put this but not too comfortable writing it either as I'm unsure what on earth its about When I had Isaac I'd often wake and grab my partner in the night thinking he was Isaac and he was falling out of bed, Isaac never fell out the bed once. Anyway, a few things have happened with Ophelia that are bedtime happenings but also some thoughts and I'm a bit dusturbed by them but don't know if they're just weird Mummy things

The first odd thing was a month or so ago wehen I woke frantic thinking Ophelia had been taken. I switched on the light and saw Isaac asleep next to me in bed and was searching around him for Ophelia. Isaac wasn't in the bed at all, he was in his cot, it was Ophelia next to me, but I couldn't see her

The second thing was even weirder. I woke to a baby softly crying and began BF'ing, but the baby felt different, I thought it was my friends son and that I was feeding him, the baby felt a lot bigger than Ophelia and even when I picked the baby up to go into the living room the baby felt heavier than Ophelia, and when in the light I was surprised to see it was in fact Ophelia

The thoughts I have around these incidents have been quite upsetting, they have lessened I am very pleased to say but I was often fearful that she was going to die, and I had a few nightmares of people chasing us and they weren't nice at all so won't say, but basically I am finding lots of things weird and scary, I never had anything like this with Isaac, although I am sure our mortality is something that plays on all Mummy's minds after having a baby.

Am I OK? I've spoke to OH about it and he just smiles and says I must be losing it, though I know he too is a bit unsure about it all.

Sorry this is a bit long, please tell me someone else has had similar episodes and I'm normal

 

[Sherlock]

I think you are quite normal

I personally never had quite the same thing but I would wake in the night in a bit of a panic and find myself fretting for ages about little things. I think our brains are in overdrive and our emotions heightened in the first few months after giving birth and we simply forget how to relax about things and channel all our energy into these little babies. So being able to relax and sleep well goes out the window and lack of decent sleep can cause our minds to do funny things.

 

[Minxy]

You are SO OK

I have done the grabbing OH thing too When Stanley was tiny I was plagued by thoughts of treading on him. Now I torture myself imagining him being run over I can see that these thoughts can contribute to PND but on their own are less harmful and explained away by hormones.

The fact it's always at night suggests things are playing on your subliminal mind. How rested are you in the evening? Maybe avoiding eating late or watching TV/other stimulus before bed might help?

Are you feeling OK otherwise? Is PND a concern of yours?

 

[charlie84]

A month or so back i started to have horrific thoughts, mainly when awake of things that could happen to LO or me and it really got to me.
I also went through an awful stage of thinking that i had fallen asleep with Calleigh in the bed and that me and OH had suffocated her, i would wake up frantically looking for her even though she was in the cot beside me.

I have always been a sufferer of night terrors even as an adult and now having a child she sometimes is a part of those dreams, it can be terrifying as i wake up seeing one thing but my rational mind knows different.

I mentioned to my HV about the thoughts i have when i was awake and she told me if they got worse to come back and see her but thankfully those thoughts dissapeared. Just the night terrors remain, which i have always had so cant see that being changed.

And as Sherlock as said lack of sleep can send us a bit funny which doesnt help

 

[LucyBee]

My lovely Amy

I had and still have lots of weird, disturbing fears about Tom. I think you just love those little bundles so much that your brain finds it hard to let go of that at night.

Like Minxy said, are you OK in yourself otherwise? How is your mood generally? Are you coping?

So sorry you're going through this.
I'm always here for you.
Lucyx

 

[LisaJ1986]

I do this too. Thankfully getting further apart. I have woken up trying to look for her, also once thought i had her in my arms. I asked OH to take her from me when he said 'just look in the cot!' and there she was.

My dreams and terrors have become so bizarre since birth.

 

[Tadpole]

As others have said, when you're tired your mind does funny things. I have had what I can only describe as 'hallucinations' when I was really tired. I once nearly woke OH to tell him the snake had gotten out again and was in the bed.
.
.
.
We don't have a snake. But I felt it slithering next to me.

I really think that the tiredness is making any worries you have into 'waking dreams'. But yes you ARE okay.

 

[newmum]

I had similar things with my LO when she was younger. I often thought that she was in bed with me even though I never coslept with her, and I would grab OH and think he was her. Or I would try to push him off her saying he was laying on her etc. Lots of things like that.
Not sure why it happens. For me I was shattered and my sleep has been broken for 2 years so I am not sure if that makes a difference. And I was really stressed out. But now she is a year old I haven't had any for a while.

 

[mamichuli]

Hun, you are fine. The mindgames you speak of are your subconcious going potty. Because you need to sleep more, the period between being deeply asleep and wide awake extends, so absurd thoughts from dreams mix with concious thought processes, creating "awake dreams". They can be very frightening. Thing is, if you were sleeping properly and enough, you would probably also have these sort of absurd dreams, but you would not remember them because they would belong to deep sleep patterns. As you are being dragged out of deep sleep by the children, you are bringing these dream processes to light. Dont worry about them and try to get a bit more kip if you can!

Lisa

 

[nazmomi]

I think your normal, I sometimes wake in the night half way thru a dream and it takes me a few mins to realise what is and isn't real. Once i jumped out of bed screaming at my OH to get snakes off me!! I could feel them all over me and it felt very real at the time. Maybe it's just something like that ?
your deffo not mad tho.

 

[Xena]

I think it's due to tiredness to be honest.

When Alex was little, say maybe 3 weeks old, I woke up to find myself leaning over his moses basket (which was at the side of my bed) and I was undressing him! I had taken one of his arms out of the arm hole, and I was tugging on the other side to get the other arm out.

HOW on earth I was undressing him whilst I was fast asleep to this day I do not know. But there we go.

He was crying whilst I was doing this by the way.

DH said that maybe my instincts took over to cool him down, because he was a bit hot, so I started taking his clothes off. But I was fast asleep so it's all a bit weird!

 

[loz]

Hope you dont mind me asking but did you ever have a miscarriage? I had one before Emms and when she was born I kept having horrible thoughts that she might die. These eased off when she got to about 4 months. I'm sure you're tired and emotionally exhausted!

 

[clarey]

Im quite reassured reading this, I have all sorts of nighttime weirdness too, I put it down to sleep deprivation, which seems like the general advice, its pretty disturbing though, you have my sympathy I often wake up searching for Eva in the bed and we have never really coslept, certainly not with her under the duvet between us where I always search!
I guess its just our brains processing all those strong maternal feelings or something, hope its not frightening you too much

 

[DebbieM]

In the early weeks I used to wake and literally panic to the point of feeling sick because I couldn't find Luke. I'd wake up, look all around and not see him and be scared that he had fallen under the covers or something, and of course, he was always on Matt's chest or mine, sound asleep.

You might feel like you're losing your mind, but you are entirely normal

 

[rusks]

i remember having awfl dreams of luke being ill or snatched still get them from time to time. it appears to be normal hun xx horrible though

 

[Leese]

I think it's normal but that's probably cos I do it all the time. I've always had very lucid dreams and since James was born it's got much more frequent. My OH woke me the other night as I was rummaging about in the laundry basket looking for James who, of course, was fast asleep in his cot! I think it's cos us mummies are always thinking about out LO's and just cos we're asleep it doesn't stop!

 

[Redshoes]

It's sad to hear others have these frightening experiences but thankyou very much for replying, I do feel OK now, I feel like its normal if upsetting, and I really hope it does end and ease up for you all too as it can be scary

Minxy and Lucy I have had depression in the past and so I believe if I had it now, or PND I'd know, I certainly don't think I have PND. I feel like I'm coping well and being just normal Mummy in that I have good and bad days, mainly good, and any stress I have is mainly regarding sleeping arrangements as we are waiting to be moved from 1bed to a 2bed property (we bid weekly and have to wait for the council to offer us something, we've had the highest level awarded 'priority extra' for 9months now but still no offer of a house) and so I am on the sofa a lot as Ophelia disturbs Isaac and its not great, but that's another issue.

loz I'm very fortunate to have never suffered a miscarriage so that isn't a factor in respect of these weird events, I am glad things have eased for you though and sorry for your loss, sending very best wishes to you

Thankyou again for all replies, its a big relief to know I am not going mad