Am I being selfish...?

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Tigger87, Jul 22, 2013.

  1. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    OHs parents live about a 3-4 hr drive away. They called him last week to ask if they could stay next weekend. He said he'd check what he was working but in theory fine. So he was supposed to have Friday off, we have ante natal classes on Saturday morning and then he had work all day Saturday (doing deliveries so by going off for a few hours he'll probably be a bit later finishing).

    This is all fine, they planned to come thurs eve so they could spend Friday with him (I'm off all week anyway). He's just found out he's working Friday and Saturday. Rang his dad to let him know and see what they want to do. They can't come until the end of August otherwise, because they have other plans.

    What they'd usually do, I think, is to come anyway. Particularly if they know I'm not in work, because then they'll see Jim for a few hours in the evening. But this would mean I have to "entertain" them on Friday all day and Saturday afternoon... And I just can't be bothered with that, they're too much hard work sometimes. I have to cook, tidy up, plan stuff etc, because Jim won't be here to help at all, and then I lose my husband for the evenings because he wants to spend time with his parents because he doesn't see them as often.

    I'm so irrationally annoyed by this, it's like they say "we want to see you, we're coming" and the only way it won't happen now is if I'm a bit rude about it (indirectly).

    I don't really want any advice, because I KNOW I'm being a selfish, horrible brat. I just want to whine!!


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  2. Rachel80

    Rachel80 Well-Known Member

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    I'm in a similar position - well kind of. I haven't seen my mum for over a year, she lives 5 hours away & hasn't made the effort to come & see me despite the fact she's been to london a few times in the last 12 months. Anyway, she wants to come & see me for a few days before the baby is born. Fine, but she just assumed it would be ok for her husband to come & stay too. She has said things like 'when we come'. So I said to her I would really prefer for her to come on her own, I haven't seen her for over a year & surely some mother daughter time is needed, especially as I'm having my first baby, her first grandchild. She has taken a bit of offence at this & said 'oh we'll have to see what happens then' - & I haven't heard from her since! She indicated she wanted his support as she felt pushed out by me last time she visited (maybe its because she makes bog all effort but there you go!) - anyway, I don't particularly like her husband, he rubs me up the wrong way & he has never met my oh. My mum has only met him twice in over 2 years! A 8 months pregnant the last thing I want to be doing Is entertaining him for a few days. It'll be me that has to cook & clear up after them. Change the bedding, clean the bathroom behind him.....my mum is can cope with as we can go shopping, go to lunch etc but not him as well!

    I don't think you're being selfish, you should be relaxing & chilling out - having guests to entertain can be stressful at the best of times so maybe you're oh should suggest a time when he's going to be there the whole time. If I was in your shoes I'd be horrified at the prospect of entertaining the in laws for 2 days! X
     
  3. L2310

    L2310 Well-Known Member

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    I would be exactly the same hun! My OH's family are hard work too and being pregnant has left me with no patients whatsoever! Does your OH understand how you feel? Is there nothing he can say in a nice way to put them off? Xx


     
  4. glowing

    glowing Well-Known Member

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    Explain you are tired and look and see if there is anything on in the area that they can go and do together. It will be like tourists on a break. Where in Wales are you there might be someting going on locally. You are not being anti-social just hot, bothered and pregnant.
     
  5. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    He knows exactly how I feel, which makes me feel bad then because he'll put them off as best he can. His mum and I don't have a good relationship - she's very controlling, bossy and messy, and I find it hard to cope with. She does nothing to help when in my house, because she feels she'll do it "wrong" or get in the way - in essence, she's just quite lazy.

    If they come, and I find things for them to do, they'd almost expect me to be with them or not go for a full day. We live in Pembrokeshire, they've holidayed here since my OH was little, so know the area REALLY well, it's more of them not really understanding the space I need from them. I lose my living room, I can't lie on the sofa and watch tv, they talk over tv I am watching, they shout at my dog ALL the time (he's mostly brilliant, but when he misbehaves they come down in him like a ton of bricks) and I always feel quite criticised by his mum. She's very careful not to do it when OH is around though, which is why the thought of it being my responsibility to entertain alone is harder.

    They're happiest sitting on a beach in the sun doing nothing. I HATE the beach - unless it's cloudy and I have the dog with his ball!!!!

    If OH says no point in them coming as he's working, they may think its me saying I don't want them here, which is just rude! But it's what I am being... Life whilst pregnant is tough. Bloody hormones haha!!


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  6. umbongo

    umbongo Well-Known Member

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    If there's EVER a time you can be a bit selfish it's now..... I had to put my foot down about my step daughters coming over the summer. We're having them for two long weekends but not the usual week as hubby can't afford the time off. He said I could have them in the day but it would the week before my due date...I really didn't fancy it! Luckily he totally understood and the weekends will be a compromise.
    Don;'t agree to anything you'll regret, it'll p you right off and probably cause more friction. Just my opinion, I know you didn't want advice xxxx
     
  7. L2310

    L2310 Well-Known Member

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    Personally I'd let him say that to them and they can think what they want! Your pregnant and could do without the extra pressure so I'd let them lump it! Xx


     
  8. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls, your opinions (and not advice, obviously) have made me feel a whole lot better!!! Need to be a bit less concerned about other people's reactions really but I can't help it. Ill have a good chat with my OH when he gets in from work and sort it out from there!! Just hoping his mother doesn't "talk him round" to her ideas....!!
     
  9. umbongo

    umbongo Well-Known Member

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    Stay strong....! These last few weeks of chilling out are precious! x
     

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