Am I being horrible ?

[Linzie2012]

So my mother is a regular drinker the past year but gets increasingly drunk. In all honesty growing up was difficult, I moved out at 15. She divorced from my dad last year after a 2 year affair.

She phoned me drunk a few months ago saying her current partner is beating her etc & misses my dad - following morning she texted that it was all lies. Over the years she also lied about having breast cancer & many other petty things that built over time. She always messed with mine & sisters heads. When I met my OH she was telling people he beats me & he has other women !! Telling us we were accidents etc when we were only children.

Anyway, she phones me tonight drunk. Wanting to know sex of baby. She's on the phone " tell your mummy babe" she's never called herself mummy or me babe before, we've never showed each other affection such as love you's or hugs - I now find I weird & strange to accept, she's acting like someone she has never been in the last 27 years I've known her.

Anyway back to it - she was constantly repeating herself & asking why in a horrible drunk tone.

I despise drunk people & cannot communicate to them never mind discussing my child to one.

I told her I had to go & hang up.

Question is:
1- is it bad what I have done in not talking to her about it whilst she's drunk ?
2- how do I gain trust of her having my child on her own ? So many what ifs? Is she drunk? Was she drunk ? My OH thinks he cannot do it without her being supervised at ours, but booze & fag breath on my baby

She is clearly a alcoholic, it's every night & it's not just one its until she's steaming. When she's visits you can see by looking at her, she's all greasy looking, pale, yellow eyed.

She doesn't want help & it's difficult when her current partner is exactly like it.

It seems as if my both sisters on give a damn, but why should I have to deal with her when I want a happy stress free pregnancy.

 

[girly2007]

You're definitely not being horrible. Alcoholism is horrendous for all involved and you really don't need this right now. I'm with your OH in that she can't be trusted with your baby and I would really struggle with the smoky, boozy breath near my baby (I don't think it would do any harm though).

Is it mainly in the evenings that she is at her worst? If you really want your mum to be involved try doing things with her when she's sober or at her least drunk, then avoiding her at all other times.

I don't know how good they are but there should be some support groups for those affected by alcoholism. Anything would be worth a try! Good luck hun xxx

 

[Dotty_woman]

Hmm. That's a tricky one. Maybe if she comes round to your house when baby has just arrived and you all spend some time with baby together you can gauge how she is with him/her. Sounds like you need some time to build up a bit of trust again which is understandable but you really need to lay down some ground rules regarding smoking and drinking and that is not unreasonable at all. If she wants to be part of your baby's life she needs to respect that. It could be the impetus to get herself back on the straight and narrow a bit. Hope you manage to find a happy medium. Does your mum have any other grandchildren and if so, do you know how she is with them? xxx

 

[LucyD]

You are totally correct in how u reacted. All I can say is go with your gut, its your baby & they are precious so do what you want. Don't just try to please others or feel guilty as she is your mum. She is in charge of her own destiny and when baby comes they will be your number one priority so things will come clearer then anyway. You will do anything to protect them. I only allow my mum supervised visits ( for a different reason) but I had to do it. Good luck x

 

[Linzie2012]

You're definitely not being horrible. Alcoholism is horrendous for all involved and you really don't need this right now. I'm with your OH in that she can't be trusted with your baby and I would really struggle with the smoky, boozy breath near my baby (I don't think it would do any harm though).

Is it mainly in the evenings that she is at her worst? If you really want your mum to be involved try doing things with her when she's sober or at her least drunk, then avoiding her at all other times.

I don't know how good they are but there should be some support groups for those affected by alcoholism. Anything would be worth a try! Good luck hun xxx

Yes I would say evening she s worse when her partner as come home from work & all weekend

She seems to be not interested in changing how she is & comes across as if she prefers being this way

 

[Linzie2012]

Hmm. That's a tricky one. Maybe if she comes round to your house when baby has just arrived and you all spend some time with baby together you can gauge how she is with him/her. Sounds like you need some time to build up a bit of trust again which is understandable but you really need to lay down some ground rules regarding smoking and drinking and that is not unreasonable at all. If she wants to be part of your baby's life she needs to respect that. It could be the impetus to get herself back on the straight and narrow a bit. Hope you manage to find a happy medium. Does your mum have any other grandchildren and if so, do you know how she is with them? xxx

Agree. I've not trusted her in over 10 years so its not going to be easy.

No other grand children, I'm the first pregnancy out of her 3 daughters

 

[Linzie2012]

You are totally correct in how u reacted. All I can say is go with your gut, its your baby & they are precious so do what you want. Don't just try to please others or feel guilty as she is your mum. She is in charge of her own destiny and when baby comes they will be your number one priority so things will come clearer then anyway. You will do anything to protect them. I only allow my mum supervised visits ( for a different reason) but I had to do it. Good luck x

Thanks. I did feel as if I was in the wrong at first in even thinking it, but I think I'm right.

Supervised visits will have to be, I don't think the OH will allow it any other way anyway.

She's been texting me drunk al day saying its unfair why I will not say the sex. We're not doing it on purpose, we want to surprise people