Age Gaps

[WinterWolf]

Hi all, I have a 9 month old and have major baby fever again. I'm torn between waiting to TTC and having a 2-3yr age gap or just going for it in the next few months and potentially having 2 under 2. What kind of age gaps do you have between your kids? Or even between you and your siblings? How do you feel about it? Basically trying to work out all the pros and cons x

 

[Jac2019]

It is a very individual option and many would go one way and many would go for it now. If fall pregnant soon then go with flow but at least you don't have the pressure to fall pregnant asap. There is 2years between my 2 nieces and they are as close as can be. But also if bigger age gap they can get on just as well. You should start casually trying and enjoying it and when you do fall pregnant in a month or a year it was meant for you. Xxx good luck whatever you decide. Xxx

 

[Summerwine]

There are 2 years between my sister and I which I always found to be a nice gap!

There will be 19/20 months between my two when the second arrives early next year. I was in 2 minds like you are, alongside the fact that I was still breastfeeding and so hadn't had any periods since giving birth.

OH and I spoke about it and we agree to stop preventing rather than trying, figuring it could take some time anyway as people with children under 1 aren't exactly DTD frequently I am fully expecting the next 12 months to be hard, but can only see the positives of having 2 so close in age now.

I have had people say to me 'poor LO, still being so young when the next arrives' but actually I'm back in work fulltime anyway so I'll be spending more time with DC1 when I'm on maternity again, too. So win/win for me.

 

[chattychar1990]

When i finally manage to fall pregnant i wont be going back on any contraception. I will just see when it happens again. Would love both my children to be at similar ages though. x

 

[WinterWolf]

It is a very individual option and many would go one way and many would go for it now. If fall pregnant soon then go with flow but at least you don't have the pressure to fall pregnant asap. There is 2years between my 2 nieces and they are as close as can be. But also if bigger age gap they can get on just as well. You should start casually trying and enjoying it and when you do fall pregnant in a month or a year it was meant for you. Xxx good luck whatever you decide. Xxx

The problem with that is I'm always well aware when I ovulate so it's like "if I have sex today I'm TTC" you know? I can't be causal about it hahah

 

[Jac2019]

The problem with that is I'm always well aware when I ovulate so it's like "if I have sex today I'm TTC" you know? I can't be causal about it hahah

Hahaha yes I totally understand I would be the same. I would got for it then if you are getting really broody .. I would want 2 close in age... But very personal decision xx

 

[WinterWolf]

There are 2 years between my sister and I which I always found to be a nice gap!

There will be 19/20 months between my two when the second arrives early next year. I was in 2 minds like you are, alongside the fact that I was still breastfeeding and so hadn't had any periods since giving birth.

OH and I spoke about it and we agree to stop preventing rather than trying, figuring it could take some time anyway as people with children under 1 aren't exactly DTD frequently I am fully expecting the next 12 months to be hard, but can only see the positives of having 2 so close in age now.

I have had people say to me 'poor LO, still being so young when the next arrives' but actually I'm back in work fulltime anyway so I'll be spending more time with DC1 when I'm on maternity again, too. So win/win for me.

Oh see this is what I'm thinking - I don't want to make my baby's life worse by rushing another sibling onto her and having her miss out on one-to-one time! I'm not going back to work in the foreseeable future (maybe 1 day a week) so it's just the two of us 90% of the time.

You're right - we now DTD once a week if we're lucky so it would probably take a year to conceive at that rate haha!

 

[WinterWolf]

When i finally manage to fall pregnant i wont be going back on any contraception. I will just see when it happens again. Would love both my children to be at similar ages though. x

I've never been on any contraception! Always known exactly when I'm ovulating so that's what I've used to prevent pregnancy since I was 16.

 

[Summerwine]

Oh see this is what I'm thinking - I don't want to make my baby's life worse by rushing another sibling onto her and having her miss out on one-to-one time! I'm not going back to work in the foreseeable future (maybe 1 day a week) so it's just the two of us 90% of the time.

You're right - we now DTD once a week if we're lucky so it would probably take a year to conceive at that rate haha!

Would her life be worse if you brought a sibling home? Only you know that. I think it can help them to grow, forcing a little independence and allowing them to understand sharing, both in terms of toys and time. I intend to make sure I find 1:1 time for both of mine even if its just a couple of hours to take DC1 to swimming lessons and then for lunch on the weekend.

I went the other way and was more worried it might be harder to accept a sibling as DC1 got older and understood it more!

Its such a personal decision so good luck whatever you decide (and I'm impressed that you're managing it once a week! Haha) x

 

[MrsS15]

I had a 9 year age gap between the first two and now having a 2 year age gap.. I’ll let you know what’s better in February

Seriously, I know you aren’t considering such a large age gap (we weren’t either but you know, secondary infertility is sh*t ) but it’s been wonderful. I don’t regret it at all. Our oldest has been amazing, it gave me such quality time with baby because he was so good, or at school or at friends, I felt like I was doing the whole first time mum thing again.

This time I’m a bit worried. This baby was an unplanned little miracle and we’re obviously delighted. But I’ve had hyperemesis again and it’s been horrendous. Vomiting rings around myself and hospital admissions while looking after a toddler has almost killed me. I know that’s a rare side effect of pregnancy but I’d never have wished it this way. I’m really hoping once baby is here the gap is a walk in the park in comparison

I wouldn’t worry about your little girl feeling left out if you’re careful splitting your time between the two. They’re also so young they grow up never remembering a time without their sibling!

My best friends are my sisters - one is 3 years older than me and the other is 7 years older. We do everything together. So I think age gaps can ultimately mean nothing. It’s just completely what suits your circumstances at the time

Good luck in your decision xx

 

[millielaura]

I have 23 months between mine. Love the gap now youngest is 9 months old. They interact really cute together . How are your pregnancies? I was pregnant when my daughter was 16 months till 23 months and it was so soooo hard! (But I had severe sickness and spd) . I always think now it would be lovely to be pregnant now due a baby when she turns 3 as she understands if I’m poorly now etc whereas a 1 year old is so very demanding with no understanding lol! 18 months is when it got really hard with her when I was pregnant so I guess if you were to get pregnant now you wouldn’t have that as baby is young still but would have a newborn instead at the 18 month stage lol. I personally have found a baby and a toddler sooo much easier than pregnant with a toddler but I know all pregnancies are different lol. Xx

 

[millielaura]

Oh and mrsS just seen your comment . The gap is soooooo much easier than pregnant and so sick with a toddler!! Loads of people said to me if you think it’s hard pregnant with a toddler wait till baby comes .. but no .. it has been so much easier since he has been born lol I can’t even explain how much easier. It’s not easy at first and it’s pretty manic but compared to being pregnant with a toddler it’s easy peasy. You’re doing the hard bit now lol . And I’m saying that with a toddler who doesn’t like going to bed and a 9 month old who breastfeeds every hour all evening and night still lol! I promise you it’l be so much easier when she’s here and you aren’t so sick xxx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

I have 14 months between my boys and the age gap is lovely. They’re best friends and jnto the same things so that helps. It has its challenges but the good is so much better than any of the bad x

 

[MoominGirl]

I'm following this with interest! I'm similar in that 2-3 years would be my ideal gap but all the problems we had first time plays on my mind massively. I know it doesn't necessarily mean we'll have problems second time but still.

I'm hoping I can get hubby on board when LO is about 18 months - he's currently a firm no at this point lol!!

 

[liz85]

I’m trying again my son is 11 months this is my third month. I had problems conceiving him. If I’m lucky enough I’ll have 2 under 2. Part of me believes this won’t be happening quickly so I’m trying to go with the flow (trying) and see what happens.

I think everyone has different ideas what a good age gap is. My friend swears closer in age is the way to go as she’d 5years between hers and wish they were closer in age.

Best of luck to you xxx

 

[night owl]

I would like another one but I think I’ve left it too late now, our issue is childcare costs, we have no one to do any childcare for us so have to pay full time costs, we get no benefits except child benefit, there’s no way we could afford 2 in childcare and we need both our salaries so we are a bit stuck, I will be 40 when my lo does to school and I just don’t really wanna be ttc when I’m 40, feel a bit sad about it all really, but I’m extremely lucky to have my little girl anyway I don’t think I could ask for anything else

 

[Mum of boys]

I have just over 12 months between my two boys and we all love it. They get on great and are never lonely. It’s definitely hard work but totally worth it x

 

[SugaryIris]

1 year exactly (well 4 days less than a year) between me and my younger sister. I loved it growing up, we permanently had someone to play with. Definitely had our feuds in our teenage years though.

I don’t think there is a right or a wrong answer, each way will have it’s perks.

 

[WinterWolf]

Aw thank you all for the responses!! I spoke to hubs about just going with the flow and he was a firm no haha. He'd rather wait until we're past the baby stage which I can understand. Personally though I'm like well we're currently used to sleeping badly so a newborn won't be a shock to the system. All our baby stuff is still out.. we're set up for a baby whereas in a few years we won't be. Ah it's so hard to decide! I know whatever we choose it will be right for us.

@millielaura I had a complication free pregnancy but pretty bad morning sickness until 18ish weeks. Not HG but I did live on the couch and throw up at least twice a day most days. I struggled with pelvic pain towards the end but the second half of the pregnancy wasn't too bad. Why is having an 18 month old especially bad? My mum said to TTC after 18mo too so now I'm worried haha

@liz85 I hope you have an easier journey to baby #2. Good luck x

@MoominGirl If I struggled to conceive like you did I'd be TTC again at the moment. But then I'm OK with having two little babies at once. I really don't want a big age gap if I can help it as hubby and his sister have 6 year gap and they're not close at all. They never speak. It took us 6-8 cycles last time I think? Though most of them we were really casual about it all. Once I got serious about it, it only took 2 goes. So I don't know if it would take us a while or not. Probably not but you never know.

@SugaryIris I cannot imagine being pregnant with a 3 month old. Your mum is a champion haha @Mum of boys so are you!! 12 months is too small a gap for us!

 

[WinterWolf]

@Summerwine True. A second baby might make Winter's life a lot better. Hard to know how she'd cope at the moment as she's still a baby!

@MrsS15 If I have to have a 9yr gap too then that's life, I'd just be happy to have another bubba. Ideally I don't want to be having babies in my mid 30s though! Hows your sickness now? Any improvement? I suppose it's true bubs will never remember being an only child. That actually kind of makes me sad, maybe I should wait.