Afraid DH's father will never meet our baby.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Jayjay027, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Hey girls,

    I've had this in my head for a long time, but hate myself for thinking it and didn't want to talk about it, but hubby has mentioned it a few times.

    My mother in law and father in law both have cancer. They were diagnosed within months of each other, both terminal.
    My mother in law was very ill but has somehow come round a bit, she's in partial remission and docs say she could have another 10 years!

    My father in law, unfortunately, is not so lucky. At first he was told his was treatable, but it kept spreading, and now he can't walk! He goes in for chemo and radiotherapy regularly but more tumours keep appearing. Even when we told him we were expecting a baby, he wasn't excited in the slightest, he just said 'I hope I get to meet it'. New tumours keep growing on his arm, and his arm is now twice the size it used to be!
    The docs said the only treatment would be amputation, but he's too weak to survive the anaesthetic, so they are limited with what they can do.

    The awful thing is, I've been getting these weird visions of me at his funeral with a big baby bump! It would break DH's heart if his dad never got to meet our baby. My hubby is an only child and feels so alone through all of this, even though I keep telling him he'll never be alone.

    I know none of you can do anything, but I feel very bogged down in all of this. My husband is leaning on me quite a lot, of course, and I feel really useless as I never know the right thing to say.
    I guess, if u could all say a prayer, or keep my in laws in ur thoughts, it would be much appreciated.

    Sorry for this massively depressing thread. I just needed to vent a bit :) x

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  2. MissJuly10

    MissJuly10 Well-Known Member

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    Huge hugs to you all hun, what a sad situation to be in. :hugs:

    I'll be praying for you all.

    Sorry I can't say anything more but just wanted to say I was thinking of you and your OH's family.

    x
     
  3. PINK BUTTERFLY

    PINK BUTTERFLY Well-Known Member

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    Im so sorry hun! Its brought tears to my eyes as my brother died of cancer and it also hurts me when I think of not being able to tell him when I get pregnant or that he will not see the baby!

    I hope he does see your little one sweetie! Wish I could say something to make it better for you! :( x
     
  4. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls!
    Its just nice to be able to vent a bit as I don't talk about it with hubby unless he brings it up himself. He doesn't always like to talk about it.

    Pink Butterfly, I'm so sorry to hear about ur brother. Its so sad to think people so close to us won't see our little ones.

    I just hope his dad is here for it. We were originally supposed to get married in June this year but the doc at the hospital suggested we bring it forward to 2011, and the baby is due in Aug, so who knows x

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  5. PINK BUTTERFLY

    PINK BUTTERFLY Well-Known Member

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    I know it a little personal and not sure how you would feel about it but maybe ask him if he would like to go to one of the scans with you and your OH, I know its not exactly the same but might make him, your OH and yourself feel a little better in some ways? Understand if you dont like that idea hun. x
     
  6. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, he wouldn't even be interested in that. He's so uninterested in the whole pregnancy, even the few scans we've had so far, he doesn't really care.

    I'd also be afraid to bring that up to DH, as it would be kind of saying that I don't think his dad will last that long.

    Its a bit of a tricky situation. X

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  7. babyem

    babyem Well-Known Member

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    My OH Grandad is terminal, so it worries us that he won't mee our LO, and his dad passed away suddenly last year, so kind of understand your situation.

    I hope all being well he gets to meet your LO :) x
     
  8. kanga86

    kanga86 Well-Known Member

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    Awww hun what a horrible suituation. :hugs:

    My mum passed away 7 1/2 yrs ago from sudden adult death syndrome so understand how hard it is to not have a grandparent around to meet our lo. She was only 36 and never got to see any of her children really grow up (my sister and I were 17, my brother was 12), get married or have grand kids. I find it so hard knowing she isn't around, infact it would have been her birthday today.

    I don't know what I would do if both my parents were ill at the same time, must be so hard on ur oh and u :hugs: I really hope he is around long enough to meet ur lo xxx
     
  9. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks so much girls.

    So sorry to hear about ur mum Kanga, that's awful!
    Happy birthday to ur mum :) xx

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  10. Spammy

    Spammy Well-Known Member

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    Big hugs honey. It's a horrible thing. My mum will have been gone 3 years on the 28th June and my baby is due 5th July. So upsetting not having her around. Sounds like your hubby has great support from you. You don't need to apologise either. You need to get stuff like this off your chest.

    Loads of love x
     
  11. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks spammy.
    Sorry to hear about ur mum x

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  12. BabysMomma

    BabysMomma Well-Known Member

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    It must be such a hard situation for you :hug: And I'm so very sorry that you're all having to go through it. x

    Both my parents have passed and it makes me sad that they never met Avery. I know my Mum would've completely adored her. She's only got one grandfather on my OHs side but he doesn't really bother unless we take her up to visit.

    Maybe your FIL's way of dealing with his situation and fear of not being around to meet and play with LO is to cut of any emotion about the pregnancy....maybe it's too much to think about and hits home how ill he actually is...I dunno hun, I'm just throwing out a different thinking on the situation.

    My Mum died of cancer...she was ill for ages and hid it from us...but she didn't actually know that it was cancer she had. Had to really convince her to see her GP who sent her to hospital. She was kept in for just over 2 weeks...told on a Tuesday that she had bowel and lung cancer and that there was nothing they could do...she gave up and died on the Friday morning. It's a horrible, horrible disease.

    I can't say that I know what your hubby is going through cos everyone has their own feelings but I can certainly empathise :hug: You being there for him, even if you think that your not doing much, you totally are in doing so.

    I'll keep fx that your FIL gets to meet your precious LO and I hope you and hubby are ok. Remember hun that you need support too. Massive :hug: x
     
    #12 BabysMomma, Jan 14, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2012
  13. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    I was thinking the same thing to be honest, that maybe its easier for him to deal with the prospect of not meeting his first grandchild by not really paying attention to the pregnancy, and I totally understand that.

    I feel so bad for DH, he's an only child and I just wana make sure he knows he's not alone, but I'm so lucky to have 2 healthy parents that I can't begin to comprehend how hard this must be for him.

    I'm so sorry to hear about ur mum, that is so sad!
    My nan was kinda the same, she knew her cancer had returned but was too petrified to get it seen to. After the family begged her to go (months after she knew, she hadn't told any1) but it was too late and she didn't live long after that.

    Thanks for ur kind words, means a lot xx

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