AF (again!!)

[Helen]

Sigh.....Just got AF again. Around 4 days late this month, so long enough for me to start getting excited and imagining every weird ache, twinge and bulge is actually PG related rather than PMT!

Is there anyway of TTC without turning into a complete loonie!? Just had my 32nd birthday last week which I found a real downer. I didn't imagine that I would get to this age and be childless.

None of this particularly helped by my boss saying that he thought someone else had better management skills than me "because at your age she'd had 4 children". Apparently, having children opens you up to all sorts of interesting challenges. REALLY?! I'd like to bloomin well find out!!! (Hey! I have my period, I am entitled to get a bit stroppy)

Just out of interest, does anyone else out there hide the fact that they want children at work? My colleagues think of me as a bit of a child hater, career bitch. I tend to avoid all those situations where people with children trade stories on how little Johnnie said his first words or worse... when they bring them in and pass them round to be cuddled I just find the whole thing terribly painful because it feels like a big reminder of what I don't have. If I ever do get PG, everyone there will be completely gobsmacked and will probably think I had an accident. At that point, I think I will point out that, actually I first started trying when I was 26 (small matter of a divorce in between, so it's not quite as bad as it seems).

Thank God for this forum. At least I can have a completely self-indulgent, self-pitying, period-induced rant and although you'll probably all be really glad you don't have to ever meet me, at least you might identify with some of it!

Plus it means my wonderful B/F doesn't get subjected to it and is therefore more inclined towards the BD needed for next months go!!

I feel a lot better now. Thank you for reading the ravings of a (slightly) mad woman.

 

[Viper]

Yeah, like you Helen, I've hidden the fact that I'm ttc from most of my work colleagues. I've told one of the girls that I'm really friendly with as she's in the same boat as me but otherwise no one knows. We all went out from work the other week and they were telling each other how long they were 'trying' and one of the girls was saying it took her ages (about 4 months). I had to try very hard to keep my mouth shut as I've been trying for over two years. . .

It's quite hard sometimes when they all say that 'I wouldn't understand because I haven't got kids'. Perhaps they're right, but I'd love to have the chance.

It's amazing when you're due your AF. You really do begin to imagine that you've got all the PG symptoms. I think we begin to convince ourselves.

Anyway, must get off to work. Speak to you soon and good luck. Hope the symptoms are real. Let me know.

 

[Helen]

Hi Viper

Thanks for your reply. You're right about imagining all the PG symptoms. I always wonder about these women that say "I just knew I was pregnant". Do you think they actually knew or just imagined stuff like the rest of us do?

I read one of your other posts about going for IVF. Good luck with that, though I couldn't believe how long the waiting list was! It just seems to me that the medical profession don't understand the biological clock or the effect it has on your sanity!

At least when folks like us finally do get PG, we know that we will truly appreciate our children.

Helen

 

[kellysomer]

I havent told anyone at work either. i dont want the boss to start panicking and trying to find a replacement for the duration of maternity leave. Also they all say 'kids are so hard/ stressful/ awful/ i'm tired etc etc on a monday morning and are always saying dont ever have kids... he he if only they knew!

Although thinking about it the constant questions etc might be a dead giveaway!

Quite enjoy reading others 'mad AF rants' makes me chuckle to know i'm not the only hormone laden psyco mare once a months (description courtesy of OH) he he

BABY DUST TO ALL- we'll get there!

 

[s]

Helen,
I'm gutted for you. I got my period early on Saturday after being sure I was pregnant because of symptoms etc but to have been late and then finally get your AF, I would be in bits. No one at work knows that I'm anxious to have a baby now. I don't want to tell anyone as I don't want the management to think I'm only there still for the maternity leave and pay etc. I got married recently so lots of comments were made about me starting a family but I just laughed them off.
You've ever right to be angry about getting this period. I'd be too. I hope you feel better in a few day.
S

 

[Lindsay]

I haven't told work either, and like you guys I recently got married and have had all the snide comments and I too laughed them off ...... if only they knew!!!

I have been TTC since last July - this is the first month for a long time that I haven't been bding every other day and using OPK - am hoping that because I have relaxed a bit that it might be my month. I haven't even thought about days of cycle until today when I counted and realsied that I am on day 29 and they are usually around 32 days so it could be anytime now. I have started to feel af pains, but that could be cos I have started to think about it again - Oh I don't know, such a stress!!

Xxx

 

[Helen]

Thanks so much for your postings. Glad to hear that there are other hormone laden psyco mare's out there too!

I suspect my body is having a good old laugh at my expense this month. Got up this am, no sign of AF. No sign of AF all day. Great, what the hell does that mean!? So obviously, I get myself excited (again) and this time go and invest in a HPT.

So, there I am: twelve quid lighter, I've held a pee for 4 hours without drinking anything in case I water stuff down, I've just done the test and BFN. Yeah, thanks very much body, I get it now. I'm not pregnant, I know! So, where's my AF gone to now? Strangely reminicent of just over a year ago when I was 47 days late for no apparent reason. Here we go again.

And this headache that I've had for the last 3 days without taking anything for, just on the off chance I might be PG because if you type "headache" and "pregnant" into Google loadsa stuff comes up. Turns out if you type "headache" and "menstrual" into Google loads more stuff comes up. Gaaaahhhh!!!

wibble

 

[Viper]

Helen, I really feel that you need to relax a bit. You are coming over as being a little bit stressed!!! Don't get me wrong - been there - done that. Your posts are a howl to read cause I can almost hear myself in what you say. It's just as well we girls can let off steam like this or else we might explode. God help our men folk if we kept all this bottled in. They wouldn't stand a chance. Poor things . . .

Don't let me put you off posting your feelings. It's great to hear someone almost as insane as me on here. Keep up the posts.

My AF is now due, and like everyone else here I am imagining all sorts of symptoms. I've learnt over the last couple of years to just wait and see. Everytime so far I've been disappointed. My period is all over the place anyway and can range between 28 to 40 days. You can imagine how much I've spent on PG tests over the years. Anyway I've stopped buying them and now just wait and hope . . . Keep everything crossed for me (not your legs). It's got to happen eventually (I hope).

 

[Lucy]

Hi Helen

I'm another one who hasn't told work about ttc, and in fact they probably think I'm a bit cold when it comes to kids - it's my natural "guilty" response - just lately two people (from different departments - not like they'd be talking together) have asked "what about and kids, are you going to have some soon?" and immediately I shake my head and say "no, not me, maybe one day" !!!

Rant away Helen, like the others its nice knowing that other people are going round with these thoughts in their heads and thinking "what if" to every twinge or cramp towards the end of our cycles in the hope it's a PGy symptom.

You're so right about this forum being great for allowing us to vent our thoughts and frustrations, means our partners are saved from it! (well most of it )

Hang in there, ignore the daft boss and look forward to more BDing next month.

Lucy
Babydust xxxx

 

[Helen]

Yeah, you're probably right about the stress thing.

Reasons why I might be feeling stressed:
1. Having 32nd birthday last week. When does "middle-age" kick in?
2. Getting divorced the week before my 32nd birthday. Took me a while to get round to it, but proud that I did it myself i.e. no money grabbing solicitors.
3. Having exams the week after my 32nd birthday i.e. this week. I am a revision zombie. I have, however, had to redefine "revision" to mean "reading something for the first time in a blind panic".
4. Having major building work done at home for last two months and probably next three.

So, I have booked myself in for some stone therapy (a massage with warm stones) at the weekend to celebrate the end of exams and to try to relax. Anyone had it done? Is it any good?

I figured that I may as well get some recreational BD in whilst I am AF free so I've been and bought a load of sexy undies today. Got back from the shops and guess what?! AF is here, full force this time. Great!! (Best not put real word used as may get banned!)

 

[moonpiesb]

Rant on sister!!!!!!!!! I am with you....I am 33 and have no children yet. I don't mean to be too personal, but if you got a divorce how are you TTC? The reason I ask is because I am using a sperm donor and was wanting to see if there is anyone else out there in my shoes. If you don't want to say just tell me it is none of my business.

I made the FATAL mistake of telling people at work that I was TTC. I just didn't want them to think that I had been out sleeping around and ACCIDENTALLY got pregnant. I wanted them to know that I was doing it and that I wanted a baby! So now, every time I turn around someone is asking me if I am pregnant...as if I wouldn't be shouting it from the rooftops!!!!!!!!!!! It is driving me CRAZY.

BABY DUST TO US ALL!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Helen]

LOL!

I suspect I may be getting something of a reputation here. Honestly, most of the time, I am almost normal.

Moonpiesb in answer to your question (which I don't mind you asking at all) the divorce came about nearly 4 years after my husband and I split up. I've met someone else and we're trying together. That said, if I was single, I would definitely be considering your route. I'm just really impressed you're doing it. How did you get started?

 

[moonpiesb]

Well, to be perfectly honest, I have wanted to do it for about five years now. I was dating a guy at that time that said he NEVER wanted children; so I thought I would get a sperm donor then, but he talked me out of it. Now he is long gone and my want/need for a baby is even stronger. I tried to talk a few guy friends into helping me; they all eagerly volunteered to sleep with me, but if and only if they could use a condom....seems they didn't want a child either! Just my luck. I thought that maybe I could just get one of them (my best friend) hot and bothered and he would forget about the condom, but when his senses came to him and he realized what I was doing he got a major case of the "limp dick syndrome". (can I say that on here?) Sorry if I can't. So I just decided that I would go the safest route and use a sperm donor. I have had two IUI inseminations and neither one of them took....I could do it again this week (O should be in two days), but I think I need a little de-stress time before I do it again. The disappointment of AF arriving is killing me. I am planning on doing it again though! I will not give up! Maybe in the mean time I can talk my friend into giving it a second shot.



BABY DUST TO US ALL!!!!!!!

 

[Lindsay]

Hi guys

Helen don't change and stop venting your frustrations - it's the only way round it sometimes!!

Moonpiesb - I think you are a very brave woman going to a sperm donor.

Well here's the deal with me after not thinking about it during the month ...... I am now an obsessed psycho aaagh!! Everywhere I look there are babies and people pregnant. I watched Hollyoaks (a teen soap incase you haven't heard of it) and Mandy and Tony are sitting reading books and watching videos about giving birth, they have just found out they are having a baby and didn't even want one - (that makes me real mad) then I turned on Emmerdale (another soap) and all the characters are pregnant in real life and trying to hide it.

I am so sure that af is coming ..... I got the chocolate craving !!

 

[Viper]

Lindsay, I know what you mean about the TV thing. I watched that whole Eastenders thing with dirty Den and young Den and they only seem to sleep with someone once and 'Bobs your uncle', 'Wham Bamb, there you go'. It's makes me so mad. How come it's not that easy in real life?

Its does seem funny, that the more you ttc, the more people around you become pregnant. How does that work????? Life can be a real bummer sometimes.

Helen, what a major stressful life you have at present. Rather you than me. No wonder you need to let off steam. I take it all back. Go for it girl!!!!

 

[Helen]

moonpiesb - wow! Talk about an ego boost having all those guys wanting to sleep with you!

Can I ask a personal question this time? How come you and your best friend aren't together as a couple? There must be some chemistry there for you both to get hot and bothered in the first place. Also, how do you find a sperm donor? Through your docs or in the yellow pages?

Lindsay/Viper - I agree about the pregnant people being everywhere thing. The only thing that's worse than people on telly getting PG without trying, is people who do it in real life! I'm going to be a Great Auntie in a few months time to my 17 year old neice. An accident obviously. Also, I know someone who had both her children by accident whilst on the pill. The soup diet first time and then a tummy bug the second time. Not wishing to be a complete whinger....but how unfair is that?!

 

[moonpiesb]

Lindsay-Thanks for the "brave" coment.....most of my family are completely behind me and I know they will be there for me when I need them....I think my step-dad is more ready for this than I am!

Helen-as for the ego boost, I don't know if that is flattering or if all my male friends are just "horny little devils" and would sleep with any one. As for my best friend.....to be perfectly honest, we have been friends for almost nine years and NOTHING has ever happened between us (until recently). We have slept in the same bed on NUMEROUS occasions and not a kiss or anything....that is until I decided to go the sneaky route and get him drunk!!!! After I got him good and "snockered", I popped the question, "will you help me have a baby?". I thought he was going to pass out. Well, to make a long story short, he was spending the night as usual, and I took advantage of the situation.....but like I said in my earlier post he came to his senses (guess I didn't get him quite drunk enough....lol). I know that is pretty low of me, but I am willing to try just about anything these days. And as for his answer on helping me have a baby...he asked me why him; I told him because I loved him, and because I knew he didn't want anymore children (he has a four year old from a previous relationship), therefore I knew he would leave me alone and let me raise my child without having to fight someone for custody....he told me he just didn't know if he could live knowing that he had a child out there that he didn't have anything to do with (I guess he has more of a conscience than I was hoping he had). He told me he would think about it, but I am not getting my hopes up!!! And BTW...I am already a Great Aunt!!!!!!! I have a niece who has a four year old and is expecting again at the end of this month (she got pregnant BOTH times by accident, 20 the first time and she is 24 now). I have two step-nephews that already have children also.....My brother is 11.5 years older than me and my sister is 10 years older than me (I was an accident) and so most of their chidren are of child bearing age.....talk about stressing you out when your nieces and nephews tell you they are expecting and I can't seem to get pregnant!!!


BABY DUST TO US ALL!!!!!!!

 

[moonpiesb]

I forgot to tell you how I found a sperm donor. I went to my dr and told him what I wanted to do....he uses a sperm bank called California Cryobank. He got me a copy of their catalog and I went through it and picked out the one I wanted...you would think this would be an easy chore.....but, like I told everyone else, when you fall in love you get what you get, but if you get to have a choice it is a WHOLE lot harder to decide who you want to "father" your children.

 

[Helen]

Well, I am a whole lot less stressed now. I had my last exam this morning, so (assuming I pass) that could be my last exam ever!!! Woohooo!!

moonpiesb - Shame about the best mate, but he might come round yet and at least you know he's firing on all cylinders (ahem) Back to the sperm donor thing....do you have the same sperm donor each go then?

Glad to hear there are other Great Aunties out there. Looking on the bright side, at least there's no danger of us being grandparents in our forties! Now, that would make you feel old.

 

[Lindsay]

Hello again .....

Well I ate a whole block of galaxy to myself in seconds last night but still no AF, I wish it would hurry up and get here so that I can start the whole process again - I know my body so well it's scary!

Helen, congrats on finishing your exams - you have nothing else to think about now you can focus your thought purely on babies hahahaha poor you!
As for people round you getting pregnant - 2 of my friends have babies and a girl I used to work with has just had her second little girl, DH cousin has just had a baby and his other cousin is due in September I have to be so positive and happy for them when all I want to do is punch them in the face

Oh well positive thoughts ladies, our time will surely come soon ???

Xxxx