Advice or just a chat...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by Aimee doodle, Aug 13, 2016.

  1. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    I've just found out I'm pregnant with my new partner of a year, he's very young and has no children currently, I have two with my previous partner already .

    He doesn't feel ready for a baby but every fibre in me is screaming no to a termination,
    That being said I know bringing a child into this has to be a joint decision so I can't rightfully go ahead with this pregnancy if he isn't ready..and being so young...if we ever have a baby this is not the way I'd imagined it :( just a chat would be nice right now as there isn't really anyone else I can talk to.
     
  2. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    I think with something like this then it's absolutely your decision and yours alone. It's your body and you'll be the one to go through with either option. He should have thought of the consequences before having unprotected sex (assuming you didn't have a condom splitting accident).
    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you have to do what's right for you and your other children and not what's right for him xx
    Good luck xx
     
  3. Rubyredslipper

    Rubyredslipper Well-Known Member

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    Agree with Scn, it's your choice. Don't let him talk you into anything, he's old enough to know the consequences. He's clearly an adult even though you say he is young, so he should be able to make adult decisions xx
     
  4. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    I suppose technically yes it is my choice..he hasn't tried to influence me in any way which almost makes me feel worse :( he has told me how he feels truthfully which I respect, if it were you do you think you could keep it on your conscience knowing that it was you and only you that wanted it? Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much? I'm so confused...why did I let
    This happen! It hurts ����
     
  5. Laura1992

    Laura1992 Well-Known Member

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    Hi! I met my partner in December (yes, MET) and we're expecting twins in December. This was not a planned pregnancy. So It all happened very quickly for us! A year would be grand, but I have come to accept that it was meant to be and I'm excited now that the massive shock has sort of passed.

    He is 31 and I am 24 and neither of us have other children. I don't think age or how long you have known someone has a direct bearing on successful child-raising, but obviously it is important that you're both in agreement to what happens next. If he truly doesn't feel ready (which by the way, I personally don't think many people do at any time in their life as babies are always hard work and inconvenient in a lovely way), then I would consider how you would feel as a single parent to another child. If this is something that you are able to come to terms with, then I think your decision is made to continue the pregnancy. If you don't think you could cope with this, then you need to re-think.

    You have only just found out though and of course it's a big BIG shock, especially to first-time parents I think. I'd give time for the news to sink in for you both, and then have a proper sit down about it and decide what is best for both of you. I wish you lots of luck xxx
     
    #5 Laura1992, Aug 13, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2016
  6. KateK

    KateK Well-Known Member

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    It's a horrible situation to be in, i've faced it to an extent. My partner and I were both only 20 when we found out I was pregnant and whilst we both freaked out, I very quickly put my sensible hat on and decided what I wanted to do. It took him almost until the baby arrived before he was on board (we never really spoke about it, it was too painful). I know deep down that at that point he didn't want the baby. That unwanted pregnancy is now our beautiful 4 year old daughter and he can't even bear the thought that he didn't want to go through with it.. I didn't force him into anything, he could have left me, but ultimately I knew I couldn't and wouldnt get rid of my baby. Make your own mind up first, then give him time to come around either way. Never make a decision that huge when shock and emotion are riding so high. Good luck with whatever you decide xx
     
  7. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    It wasn't just you that let it happen sweetie.
    There's lots of things you need to weigh up and it's a very tough decision to make but could you have it on your conscience that you terminated a pregnancy for him? (I'm in no way anti-termination and not judging you by any means).
    Will you split if you go ahead with the pregnancy? Will you split if you terminate because it may affect your relationship anyway?
    Do you want the baby?
    Take your time to decide how you and only you feel about every possible scenario and then take it from there xx
     
  8. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    He wouldn't leave me I know that much...but then every time I think of carrying on with the pregnancy I get hideous pangs of guilt... Either way I do! I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place :( for my first baby I tried for five years and had maaaaany miscarriages inbetween and before :/ it's just against every fibre in me to waste something which actually is really a blessing if it manages to amount to anything for me, I dunno perhaps I'll give it a couple days and then come back to it, I'm so emotional.... I've no idea how far along either so not sure what to do next, the dating would be wrong because I haven't had AF for two months and it's only 1-2 on a digi X

    Thanks ladies I do appreciate the responses to my ramblings!
     
  9. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    You're early days and have plenty of time to think things through and come to a decision xx
     
  10. MrsB2105

    MrsB2105 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with scn, it's you that has to carry the baby and provide for it etc.

    Have you discussed the options with him? Maybe he will want to have the baby with you?
    How many weeks are you? Do you have enough time to weigh up all the options? x
     
  11. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    He doesn't talk much be just keeps saying he isn't ready...which to be fair I couldn't force upon him.
    But then again I don't want to get rid of my baby so there's not much room for compromise in this situation ��
    I've no idea how many weeks I am or whether the baby is okay, I've had so many miscarriages I wouldn't be surprised if it was bad news when I would be due a scan..maybe I should get a scan first or I might be speculating over something that doesn't matter :S
     
  12. MrsB2105

    MrsB2105 Well-Known Member

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    I don't think private reassurance scans are expensive, but at the same time if everything was ok with baby and you had seen it, how would you feel about the situation then? X
     
  13. Laura1992

    Laura1992 Well-Known Member

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    100 quid where I am :shakehead: but I think a lot of places are cheaper, I've heard of some for 40. Aimee, google private scan clinics in your area and give them a call on Monday for prices? Some places can get you in on the day.
     
  14. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    I know I want this baby, if he was on board I'd be so excited right now...I just can't ruin his life, I'm so heartbroken.
     
  15. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    I will have a look at scans today x my mum is a midwife so she might be able
    To pull some strings...though that would mean telling her :/
     
  16. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    I will have a look at scans today x my mum is a midwife so she might be able
    To pull some strings...though that would mean telling her :/
     
  17. Laura1992

    Laura1992 Well-Known Member

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    You might feel better to have someone else to talk it through with, depending on your relationship with her.
     
  18. MrsB2105

    MrsB2105 Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure she will be understanding and supportive x


     
  19. BlondeP

    BlondeP Well-Known Member

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    If it helps, ours was planned. We weren't expecting how fast we would catch so when we did my OH was very overwhelmed and kept saying he wasn't ready etc so didn't want it. Fast forward a couple of months and he feels awful for ever thinking that and admits it was just the shock that this is going to change his life forever. Don't do anything rash or decided too quickly. Men sometimes need a bit longer for things to process and sink in - or at least all the men in my life do haha.

    We did find having early scans helped settle his mind. Xxxxx
     
  20. Aimee doodle

    Aimee doodle Active Member

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    He really doesn't want the baby and were arguing now. I think this is going to break us up :( I love him so much but to get rid of my baby for him is asking too much... I just don't know if I can do it :,(
     

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