Advice needed.

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by violet13, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    I know this should be in relationships but it's bothering me that much I really need the advice.
    A friend I've had for two years on the military base I live which we where good friends so I though, has been telling people I am an unfit mother, taking my son for a "cuddle" when she was actually checking him for bruises and claiming I can't cope with him because I was honest to people about my depression which I'm no longer on medication for and I've been doing quiet well. I wondered why a fair few people on the base had been off with me especially when I hadn't seen them in ages and well now I know why. I spoke to the person whose been saying that and among other nasties I'm obese etc. Anyway I'm now feeling so low and so fed up about it all that I honestly want to seek police help as this person isn't qualified to of taken my sons clothes off without my permission to check him I have nothing to hide but the fact is this is serious to me because it's my son and was done when I was literally a few feet away and someone who has often had a cuddle with my child in the coffee shop of the base. I'm angry as well because well how dare I be accused of something I would never ever do? The person has also said and I quote "some people want a baby for years and then have one and can't cope" said while looking at me like a piece of muck. I really don't need the stress or the constant crap but I can't trust anyone anymore I really can't. I want to move for my sanity and for less hassle. I've ended up coming back to the base for reasons I'm honestly not wanting to go into but yeah. I don't know what to do and when police involvement was even mentioned this person said I would be laughed at.
     
  2. tootie

    tootie Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry to hear this, makes me very sad to hear someone has betrayed your trust in such a vile way.

    I have nothing to suggest on this as I wouldn't know where to start. Maybe just cut her out and keep your dignity and head held high. If she was so concerned then why hasn't she asked how you're doing and feeling re: your previous issues? Shameful behaviour on her part. I hope you're OK xx
     
  3. Juice

    Juice Well-Known Member

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    If someone removed your child's clothes without consent, I would absolutely report them to the police. If this person has concerns about a child's welfare, there is a proper procedure that should be followed. If she thinks your son is in danger SHE should have contacted the police and/social services. It is not her place to take the law into her own hands. Now she has committed a legal offence by undressing your son, and a moral offence by spreading lies about you. If you report her to the police, part of the investigation will involve looking into her allegations, which is the perfect opportunity for you to show her and everyone else that there is nothing wrong.
     
    #3 Juice, Jul 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2016
  4. northerngirl

    northerngirl Well-Known Member

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    I think Juice is right, this person needs to be taught that she can't simply undress someone's child and go around throwing accusations like that without any concequences. I can guarantee you the police will not 'laugh at you', it might be that they can't 'do' anything as such but I know for certain that they would make contact with her, ask her about what happened and tell her not to bloody do it again!
    She's probably relying on the idea that you won't do anything about it because you're in a vulnerable place emotionally, which is really evil actually.
    I'm really sorry that she's put you through this, what a nasty cow. If she really cared about you or your son and felt like either of you were in danger she should have come to you and asked if you needed help, not gone behind your back and been so vindictive.
    Do you think she might be jealous of you? Does she have children of her own? xo
     
  5. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all I'm not okay to be completely
    Honest I felt sick hearing it it truly shocked and appalled me. Not only could it severely disrupt our life as a family it could also seriously damage my DHs career! I'm going through the base higher ups first then if they won't do anything I will be seeking the polices help on this because it is not okay what she has done. It was very mad about it but I'm more shocked and upset, it's just disgusting behaviour on her part. I have nothing to hide which I'm happy if anyone wants to officially check him out but I shouldn't have to have that done over a rumour. It's such a mess I never thought someone could be so cruel or callous xxx
     
  6. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    And yes she does a older child but is very clingy not wanting to hand a child back she's cuddling
     
  7. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    So the person who told me of what was said will not step forward and it's a she said I said kind of issue. I'm still speaking to someone on the base about this but honestly she knows everyone and I don't want to be stuck here having people looking at me like I'm some kind of monster! I'm still really angry over it but I want to use the proper channels. Xxx
     
  8. northerngirl

    northerngirl Well-Known Member

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    Has she admitted to your face that she did it? Do you have anything mentioning it in any messages, texts etc? These are the key things I suppose that you'll need if you do end up going to the police. If not hopefully things will calm down for you once emotions aren't running as high.
    What she did was wrong and disrespectful, no doubt about that, so I hope that you manage to cut her out of your life and hold you head high, anyone who were to believe her vile rubbish wouldn't be worth talking to anyway, and anyone who really knows you will think twice about listening to stupid rumours!
     
  9. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    I have proof in messages from the person it was said to she confirmed he was taken off me to check him over and considering he was wearing jeans a long sleeve top and a vest you would have to undress a child to check them which is seriously wrong. If the base does nothing I will put it in all the papers and contact the police it'll look really bad with a head line " baby undressed on military base, base does nothing" I want justice for my child I don't know what was done to him and it sickens me as he looked like he had been crying when I got him back as was clingy but as she was a friend I never ever thought she would do that! So it's clearly distressed my child as well. The base we are on is notorious for gossip and basically malicious intentions towards other it's a base everyone I have spoke to prior to living here has said they are glad they don't live there etc it had a horrific reputation and I will not leave the base head quarters until I have paper work for her to be removed and for us to be rehoused. I can't even go to the coffee shop I can't do anything on this base now because of these horrific allegations. It's completely out of order and horribly shocking. Xxx
     
  10. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

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    If I were you I would be straight onto the police. Especially now you are feeling like you can't go out and it's really affecting your day to day life I think you must go to the police and sort it out, this person cannot do these things by law, and for all you know she could be a child molester taking your child's clothes off! How bloody weird is that!!! Get on the case today! x
     
  11. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Hun I'm even thinking of contacting social services myself because I'd rather just do it my way instead of police having them step in if that makes sense? Xxx
     
  12. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

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    Yes that is an option too, do it! Crazy that you feel like you have to justify yourself to all these people because of some crazy person though, I guess start with the Police, they might not bring in the social anyway! x
     
  13. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Well they haven't as it was two months ago no proof apart from messages and no way of finding out the truth and I've only just found out. The girl who told me has lied and has caused a shitstorm of problems so we are being moved asap and I'm happy with that. This is an appalling place to live.
     

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