advice needed unplanned pg

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by nicole86, Dec 10, 2007.

  1. nicole86

    nicole86 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi , ive recently found out i am pregnant about 8 weeks i think. Im 21 and have jus quit university and i am looking for a job so i am currently un employed.
    I have told my boyfreind of 5 years , and the first thing he said is that he doesnt want a baby. I agree with his reasons, that we are not good financially , i still live with my parents and he is in the army working his sixth months notice to leave.
    He keeps saying tht i shud have a termination, but i strongley feel that i want my baby. I no my parents will support me, and i no i will get a job and even though it willl be hard i can make it work.
    He cant see past the money problem, even though he has said if it was a couple of years lata it wud b different.
    Sorry for the essay!!!! jus wondeed if any1 else has been in this situation???????or any advice??
    x
     
  2. Tegala-7thMarch08

    Tegala-7thMarch08 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,827
    Likes Received:
    0
    my ex wanted me 2 abort but there was noway i would i was 17 when i got pregnant so there were many reasons 2 have a termination but if there something in you that wants to keep the baby then you should because my friend was the same as me and went the other way now she regrets it so much shes constantly depressed trying to get pregnant again and has broken up with her boyfriend because she couldnt stand to look at him after what she did...

    i hope that helps a bit :) best wishes and i hope u make the right choice for you :hug:
     
  3. jenna

    jenna Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2006
    Messages:
    6,573
    Likes Received:
    0
    do what ever you feel is right :hug:
     
  4. nicole86

    nicole86 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    thankyou, i do think i shud do what i feel right but just scared that this may cause our relationship to end after 5 years. He keeps saying that it will put lots of pressure on him to stay in the army when he wants to leave. I no i cud have the baby without him if it dus come to that but i supose its jus hard to face up to the fact that he may not love me as much as he says? xxx
     
  5. Tegala-7thMarch08

    Tegala-7thMarch08 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,827
    Likes Received:
    0
    pregnancy and babies scare most men... it may not be that he doesnt love you as much hun. if you dont mind how old are you& your boyfriend? you dont have to say was just wondering?
     
  6. nicole86

    nicole86 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    i dont mind lol, im just 21, and so is my boyfriend. i jus wish that he felt the same as me. there are afew reasons to end the pregnancy but in my mind these you can change in time. we are trying not to let it cum between us, but i no i wud regret it if i went with his decision. xxxxx
     
  7. debecca

    debecca Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2007
    Messages:
    4,374
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think fundamentally you have got to do what you think is right.

    There are valid arguments on either side here so weigh up seriously what your life will be like with a baby (either with or without a man - you never know how he'll react if you keep it, they're unpredictable) and what you would feel like after a termination. Even when a termination is the "right" thing to do it takes a long time to get over. Not as long as you're looking after a baby though of course!

    Anyway take care and take as much time as you need to make your decision. Don't be pressured by anyone else.

    Thinking of you xx
     
  8. michellebeckett

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    I understand what your going through. . my bf also took the news badly and wants me to abort.. i have decided that i am going to keep the baby with or without his support.

    I wish you all the best and hope everything turns out the way you want.
     
  9. Emma58

    Emma58 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2007
    Messages:
    5,409
    Likes Received:
    0
    I got pregnant at 18 and it was unplanned, I didn't know what I wanted to do the baby's father said he would stand by me. Other people told me I was too young to have a child and it wouldn't be fair.

    After a lot of worrying and wondering what to do I decided to keep my baby. That was 12 years ago and even though it was the hardest decision i ever made and it was difficult being a young mum I love my son more than anything and I am so glad he came along - even though he was unplanned.

    You will know deep down what decision you want to make follow your instinct and you won't go wrong.

    :hug: :hug:
     
  10. sarafet

    sarafet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2007
    Messages:
    3,220
    Likes Received:
    0
    hi sweetie :hug:

    i am 19 and my bf is 23. when we found out we were unsure what to do as i am still at uni. i knew in my heart straight away that i wanted the baby though, and we talked and talked about it, but unerneath it all i knew all along that i couldn't terminate. things have a funny way of working themselves out :hug:

    so now i have taken a year out of uni, am looking for a job to save some money up and we're really happy. i know it's going to be tight financially but i know we'll manage :)

    good luck and go with your heart hun xxxx
     
  11. Tegala-7thMarch08

    Tegala-7thMarch08 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,827
    Likes Received:
    0
    most men come around in time. and theres loads of help finacailly for pregnant woman aswell. :) people do manage :) good luck + best wishes :)
     
  12. ASD123456

    ASD123456 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2007
    Messages:
    2,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hello,

    I'm the same age as you and had the same problem. He really swayed towards the termination route and the more he went that way, the more determined I was to have the baby. Thats when I knew where my heart lay.

    I'm happy with my decision but there are still times when I get completely petrified of what is ahead, but it's never as strong as the exitement you feel.

    Follow your heart, you don't want to end up doing something you'll blame your boyf/ yourself for in a few years to come.

    Good luck and just do whatever you feel is the best descision.

    A x :hug:
     
  13. bowmanzoo

    bowmanzoo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2007
    Messages:
    630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well in my humble oppinion if you want this baby then have the baby because if you go for the abortion because your bf wants you to have one then you'll really regret the decision. You have got to be 100% sure that you want an abortion before you have one. I had a termination back in 2002 time for reasons I don't want to discuss but at the time a termination was the best all round, do I regret it now??? No because it was the right deicision at that time. Do I miss and think about the baby??? Hell yes regularly and I love that child as much as my earth children. I'm just putting that to help you realise that a termination is not an easy way out at all so be 100% whatever you decide
     
  14. MissSara

    MissSara Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was 16 when i got pregnant after being with my ex all the way through school, he wanted me to abort saying i was to young had no money and would ruin my life. I left him and bought my son up to be a fine young boy, with the help from my family and friends. I am now due to start uni next september and am also pregant now ( planned) i don't see any reason why i can't managed both.

    You have to be 100% before you make a choice but this will be a choice that you have to live with for the rest of your life and i don't want to preach but just take a peak in the TTC forum at how long people have waited for their little angels and think how lucky ( not unlucky ) that you really are.
     
  15. bowmanzoo

    bowmanzoo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2007
    Messages:
    630
    Likes Received:
    0
  16. Babylicious

    Babylicious Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Messages:
    12,973
    Likes Received:
    0
  17. muppetmummy

    muppetmummy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    8,996
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was 21 when I fell pregnant with james and my OH was very much like yours, he wanted me to have an abortion because he said we couldn't afford to have a baby and if I didn't have an abortion the relationship would be over. I was 11 weeks pregnant when I found out.

    I can understand why he thought that as at the time we were living in a house share, we both had debts etc, but I knew that I wanted to keep my baby and if I didn't I would regret it.
    I spoke to a couple of friends who'd had abortions and regretted it and in both cases their relationships with the OH's had broken down as a result of the whole experience.

    I spoke to my parents about it and they were very supportive so I left my OH and moved back in with my parents.
    Athough we weren't together and living at other ends of the country during the remainder of my pregnancy we did keep in touch, my OH was very depressed and drinking loads, I don't think he ever thought I would leave him and he didn't know what to do.

    Once James was born my OH decided he had made a big mistake and wanted to be with me and the baby so he left his job and moved to my home town to be with me, he managed to get a transfer with his work, we got our own place and once my maternity leave finished I got a part time job and my parents looked after James (though when he was 18 months he started to go to nursery instead as he was getting bored staying with my parents and wanted the company of other kids).

    Money was tight for the first few years but we managed and both love having james, my OH loves being a father and wouldn't change anything now, except he wishes he hadn't missed out on my pregnancy and james' birth. We're expecting our second child, this time planned!

    I know I'm very lucky that things worked out but even if I were a single parent I still think I'd have made the right decision by keeping James.
    I say listen to your heart, if you want to keep the baby do it. If you have an abortion to keep your OH happy you will only grow to resent him and the relationship will fail anyway. I think sometimes in life you have to be a bit selfish, and this is one of them.
    Everyone worries about how they will afford a baby, but they manage.
    Do what feels right deep inside, not what you think you should do.

    Good luck hun, I hope everything works out for you :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  18. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2007
    Messages:
    2,656
    Likes Received:
    0
    the fact that you've said you dont want an abortion says it all to me! my preganncy was very unplanned and the father wanted me to get an abortion but i refused, i knew that even though this is not what i ever wanted for myself it'll work out, and im getting excited about the baby, even he says hes now excited!
    you need to do whats right for you, you say you have the support you need from family and friends, hes probably just scared at the moment, i got ignored totally for a month after whilst he came to terms with beign a father (immature i no)
    If you want your baby have it, regardless of what he thinks, 5 years is a long time and if he loves you dearly he should udnerstand why you would wanna keep it, hope everything works out
    Clare x
     
  19. DaisyRose

    DaisyRose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi,

    I was going to post this the other day but internet connection is rubbish...


    I really think you should do what your heart tells you on this one!

    I'm not sure what I would have done if this had happened to me at 21 - was at Uni and having a whale of a time although I'm not sure I could ever have gone through with a termination.

    My first daughter was unplanned. I was 27; my boyfriend and I had been back together for about 2 years (relationship had failed first time around). I was living in my own rather nice bachelor pad, and he in Winchester in a shared flat, and I must add, was very much in debt. We saw each other mainly at weekends and loved our nights out!!! I'd been after a decent job for years since graduating; finally, after years of crap jobs I got one that could just have gone somewhere but on that very same day I found out that I was pregnant!!!

    I knew pretty much straight away that I wanted my baby, even though I didn't know the first thing about them and had never held one in my life!!! It wasn't quite what my DP was expecting though - he agreed to support me but did freak out a few weeks later!!! I had to let my house go and we bought a place together in a not so good area; to begin with it was hellish and we very nearly broke up!!!

    When Daisy was born any doubt I ever had slipped away. I didn't go back to work and have never regretted a thing. My DP suffers from depression and very occaisonally he's made comments about how restricted his life has become but he wouldn't be without the girls and misses them so much even if he goes away for a couple of days with work. Money is still tight but we're managing - you find a way through it! We're now expecting our third.

    There's a good chance your man will come around given time but given that he's not keen at the moment I think that all you can do is make the right decision for you. Whatever you decide, it won't be easy, but use all the support you can get; it's great that your parents will support you.

    All the very best :hug:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice