Advice Desperately Needed ?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by determined79, Sep 6, 2016.

  1. determined79

    determined79 Well-Known Member

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    Hi All

    I'm looking for some help and support and advice on my current situation. I am 37 years old and have got my first ever BFP on 19/08/2016. I'm really happy about this as we found out, unexpectedly, that I was pregnant in January after getting married in December but unfortunately I lost it. We went through a range of emotions and heartache and rowed constantly about who's fault it was and whether it was the right time and my husband didn't really want to be a dad again at that point (He has two 20+ yo daughters from a previous relationship- He is 46) so we limped through and made a decision together to start trying in Jul on our honeymoon. We both talked about it and we both agreed we wanted to do it. When I got confirmation that I was pregnant he was very remote and numb, he said he was happy and it was good news but his body language and face said different. I keep asking what the concerns are and why, when he said he wanted this is he only seeing negatives. he keeps saying he's losing his freedom again, he has money worries and he believes that this will split us rather than bring us together, he wont acknowledge any positives on this and is obsessing on the negative aspects. He said he doesn't want to acknowledge it right now and carry on as usual for a while so he doesn't lose his way of life sooner than he has to?! I feel so alone, I hoped that I would get someone who was equally excited and happy that I was carrying his child and share in it with me and make me feel loved - all I feel is isolated and alone and almost embarrassed by the situation. We haven't told anyone as I'm only 6 weeks so I can talk it through with anyone. My next worry is when we get round to telling people the first sign of someone criticising his age or whether he is sure he should be doing that he will get further away from me emotionally - Anyone any advise? Please?
     
  2. Aimee84

    Aimee84 Well-Known Member

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    Hi I'd give it some time, it seems to take some men sometime to come round the to the idea. By the time your starting to show and scans they come round. Have you a close family member or friend u can chat to confidentially?
     
  3. determined79

    determined79 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Aimee, thanks for replying.
    My mum disowned me when I got together with my husband and I have no brothers or sisters. The closest friend I have around me is a work colleague and that's not really ideal. I keep explaining how I feel and he says it's not the case, he doesn't understand but doesn't do a thing to show me he means that- it's like it's just a script for him. I just want him to be happy and positive too!
     
  4. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Hey sorry to read your going through a hard time. It sounds like he needs to make his mind. I don't think it's fair for you to sit around and wait and hope he gets excited. He agreed he wanted this, he can't now act like it's not happening. Also it's not just him losing his freedom. Your the one going through all the changes. My baby is now 12 weeks and being pregnant and just after your emotions are everywhere. You need support especially has you mc lasted time you must be worried. U also mc before my baby and I was terrified something would go wrong. He sounds like his being very selfish. Hooe you get some support from somewhere. Forums like this are really good. X
     
  5. determined79

    determined79 Well-Known Member

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    He has said he's with me 100% and he loves me more than life itself. he says he wants us to do this together but he's not excited. he has worries about finances, that he's too old, that we will split.
    I'm worried that he's already set this up to fail before its even began by being in this mind frame.
     
  6. prayforme

    prayforme Member

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    Hi, I'm sorry you are going through that kind of situation. Don't think too much, just go with the flow. Be happy because you are having your own child. I think he only want to have a good life not just for himself, but also for you and your child. He just don't know what to do. I know it's not easy to enjoy every single day because of your situation or what you feel, but you must. You need, stay healthy and don't stress yourself too much.
     
  7. Surveyor

    Surveyor Well-Known Member

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    Maybe what he is communicating with his body language is an initial reaction to a sudden change and not necessarily negativity around you being pregnant? I am a worrier, doubter and a pessimist myself, so despite the fact that I would love to conceive I don't think it would be a bed of roses. My first reaction is usually to think of everything that could go wrong, making choices is scary. I think of life as a giant house of mirrors, with each door we walk though we leave behind the opportunity to explore the other rooms.

    Give it some time, maybe his doubts will be quelled in the days/weeks/months to come?
     
  8. HS1985

    HS1985 Well-Known Member

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    That sounds awful and I'm so sorry. As a first time expecting mum with a badly reacting husband too, I completely get where you are coming from and although I have no advice, it might help you to know that you aren't alone in what you are going through xx
     

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