accidently pregnant by man abroad

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by tam1993, Apr 1, 2020.

  1. tam1993

    tam1993 New Member

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    ok so Im a little nervous about posting this, but I need some help. I dont wanna involve anyone I know bc I dont want their judgement on me or the dad. This is my problem: I found out 3 weeks ago im now 26 weeks pregnant... Im not in a relationship, in my last year of university and have a studio apartment and a very supportive family. The father of the child is my ex, we broke up a couple years ago but have been friends since, we made eachothers life horrible as a couple but were great as friends, we just had a little too much fun 1 night.... The main problem with this is, he lives in a different country... He wants to be involved in the childs life, as much as possible, he wants to me to live with him. He can't move to my country because of his mental health and the benefits and housing he gets in his country, he wouldnt be able to get that same help here and is unable to work because of his mental state. So the only option is me moving there... Now here's my problem, I dont wanna be with him, I have no money saved up to get my own place there(rent is mega expensive there). I would probably be able to work there but earn less than I would here and get no government support but I would have no childcare costs because he would be with the baby while I work. I would be able to live with him temporarily untill I get myself on my feet but I feel like I would not be happy. Am I being selfish? I know its best for a child to be with both their parents but it just feels so wrong to pack up my stuff, leave my safety net here and make the move. most 'single' moms are upset the babys father doesnt want to be involved, im upset he does... I feel like I have to give up my life.... Is that what being a good mom is like? I feel so insecure about not wanting to make the move because I want to be a good mom... I know we would be fine eventually, moving, it would be ok. But I want more than ok, I want to be happy as well, am I putting my own happiness before my childs? The father doesnt want me to stay here and him be a long distance father, he doesnt want me to work and someone else watch the child while hes home all day and can do it. He wants to help me and support me when I move to his country. He does not want to help and support me if I dont. its mentally and emotionally draining, I love this man as my best friend, and I dont want him to not be the dad he wants to be. I would lose my best friend in the process of doing what I want to do.
     
  2. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    You have to do what’s right for you. If you don’t want to move there then you don’t.
    You would be losing your family and friends if you did this. If he doesn’t want to be a long distance father then in my eyes he will have to move where the mother of his child is. There is no other option.
     
  3. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    I think u could end up feeling really miserable and isolated if you moved there and that wouldn’t be good for the baby, they definitely pick up on vibes, happy mum happy baby, could your ex maybe start working on his mental health issues with the view to moving here eventually
     
  4. miamia

    miamia Well-Known Member

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    make your decision you think is the best for you x
     

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