About our DH and OH's

[Annie050408]

This is going to sound a bit gushy but my DH has been so wonderful throughout my pregnancy in so many different ways. We moved into a new house on the day I had my 3 month scan and in the time since then he has completely redecorated the whole house and it looks completely fantastic- a gorgeous home for our firstborn to come home to. He has kept the house clean, tidy and helped with all shopping and cooking and despite not being remotely interested in driving he is having 2 lessons a week so that he can hopefully pass before she is here.

I just feel so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who comes home to me every night rather than being out with his friends other than to play football once a week, understanding that I can't go out in the same way we used to and so he doesn't either.

He said something that made me feel really sad for him last night though - he said that everyone keeps talking to him about the baby in relation to me and how I'm doing and what a big change it will be for me and that nobody is asking him how he feels about it or talking to him as if it will be a big change for him too.

I have felt that we have been in this 100% together and he said that he feels I have involved him every step of the way but he feels a bit powerless because it's all happening to me and in my body. He is so excited about the baby arriving because then he'll feel as though she is ours and not just mine. I wish there was something I could do to make him feel even more included but I don't know what.

Anyway, feel free to gush about your OH/DH's as well

 

[C00KIE]

Hello!

This is my first post - I was looking for threads about other halfs. My boyfriend has been really great, very patient - I've been a complete moody mare throughout. I am 36 weeks now but I must admit I'm starting to get freaked out that he has done no research or taken much interest in the labour and how to help me through it. Perhaps I am being unreasonable - he says it's all going to be alright on the day (not looking up from his computer game at any point) and then that's the end of the conversation. I'm a paramedic, so perhaps I know too much but his arrogance ENRAGES me!!!!

I WAS planning a home birth, but perhaps I should go to hospital if I can't trust him. I have no family, friends etc to act as birth partner. If he falls short of the whole ticket I'm on my own.

Am I expecting too much of him? Will it matter on the day?

ANY opinions would be much appreciated!!!!

 

[titch]

It really depends how you feel. Wherever you are when youre in labour you need to feel that you can relax and trust whoevers with you to support you. If youre going into it with doubts in your mind, no matter what he does at the time, you wont be able to relax and lean on him.

If I were you I would explain to him how nervous its making you feel and how much its making you doubt your homebirth plans, and that you really need to discuss it properly with him to feel better.

On another note.. my OH said exactly the same thing about me being the pregnant one and everyone thinking of it as my baby not OUR baby. We had a joint baby shower for that reason and it was lovely opening presents together. Everyone got the hint pretty well and all the gift labels had both our names on etc... I think it is harder for the bloke, especially in our families, neither of our fathers attended any of the scans, although they were supportive, they werent socially expected to attend antenatal classes and such in those days. I think a lot of that generation dont appreciate how different things are for fathers these days.

OH is sometimes more excited than me about LO arriving. I think there will be issues again though cos Ill be breast feeding so he wont be able to feed the LO for a good 6 weeks at least. We've decided hes gonna be in charge of bathing and bedtime routine though. He doesnt get home from work til about 6 so its ideal,he can come home quickly change and take baby from my hands, have some quality time with baby while I collapse and pop up to feed and say goodnight when hes done all the work! also our baby is gonna be bilingual so its important to have clear routines anyway when switching languages

 

[C00KIE]

Oh dear, well I'm not really sure what to do. The trouble is, I'm not gelling with the mid-wife either.

OH and I are going out tonight so I might think it over and talk a few things through.

I must say, both you and Annie sound like you have smashing guys. My one hasn't really shown any regret at not being able to share the pregnancy. I think he would freely admit that he is glad he doesn't have to. When I've mentioned him coaching me for pain control (I want to go drug free) he tells me how painful it was when he had a burn. Ha! That would be funny but he's serious.

I think I might end up killing him - that might distract me for a few hours.

If anyone else has any advice or experience with useless partners please share it. I'm feeling awfully left out!

 

[Piglet10]

ur oh sounds fab!!

i dont really think theres much more you can do as ur already including him as much as you can... i think most men feel like that but u have only 10 weeks to go and then hell know all about being involved lol roll on ur due date eh?? xx

 

[C00KIE]

Hmmm, nevermind.

Tiny struck a chord when saying about different generations of dads having different expectations of exactly how involved they should get - my OH's father wasn't present at either of his son's births and doesn't question it. I think has rubbed off on OH. I think he's decided that the simple fact that he will be there will be enough. It's the lact of enthusiasn, concern and fear that bothers me. Perhaps he's hiding it extremely well.

Perhaps I'm not!!!!! I've only got 4 weeks to go. I hate hospitals. The hypnotherapy CD is barely scratching the surface of a certain rising hysteria!!! Only joking. But I could be somewhat calmer.

Funny though - that point about generations. It's not just age though. My dad was the same generation as OH's dad and he was present at my birth and would have been present at my sisters birth (who was before me) except that he was actually dragged out of the room by a nurse when things got a bit tricky and he was furious about it! Perhaps he was 'new age' for the time.

Thanks for your comments anyway ladies!

 

[Josie TB]

I have to say that my OH has been wonderful - despite the fact that I'v been awful to him at times over the past months (hormones!)

He's definitely going to be there at the birth (and he was there for the birth of our first child) and I've only got to click my fingers at the moment and he comes running! He did his fair share of nappies with our first child and I'm sure he'll do the same with no 2 when he/she arrives.

Of course, his current compliance may be due to the fact that post birth he'll be in a no nookie zone for a few months so at the moment he'll do anything to get into my pants (albeit large and distictly unsexy pants) Come to think of it, he'll always do anything to get into my pants - and that's one of the many reasons why I love him so much!!

Josie
XXX

 

[inky]

My OH is slowly becoming a nervous wreck, he's so scared about everything I really don't know if he will be any good to me whatsoever lol!! He's very excited but also really, really worried. He even said last night that he couldn't cope with the baby on his own if anything happened to me. I told him not to worry so much and that he was being irrational but he's clearly a lot more worried about it then I am!! Luckily my Mum is coming with us to the hospital although I think she will be supporting him more than me lol!!

 

[isobel84]

My OH said to me last night that he have not read any books about babies and he feels guilty about it. I said to him that he does like he wants, as long as he comes with me to the classes (we are first reserve ) and that he gets involved in my birthplan im happy.
and also as they pregnancy is so much about me, and Noa will be mainly with me after hes born, i have decided that OH will cut the cord and then the midwife will give Noa to OH first, who after will give Noa to me. So he feels he is just as important as i am for Noa.
Oh loves that idea (i have clairly said he cant have Noa too long as i will get so jelous )