A male perspective

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by Artfuldad, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. Artfuldad

    Artfuldad New Member

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    Hi, I've been reading through a lot of your posts on this heart felt topic, and I thought I might just offer my own interjection from a male perspective.

    My wife and I have been trying for over 3 years now. Our cause is down as "unexplained" at this time. My wife was diagnosed with endometriosis which is something I'm sure you are all aware of and doesn't need explaining by me. Although she has had surgery to remove it, and had the all clear, we are as yet unsuccessful. My own sperm is very good and healthy.

    Which leads us to a very frustrating place. I almost wish there were something wrong that doctors could put their finger on and say "yes, that's it, that's was causing your infertility" that way we'd at least know and might be able to do something about it. Having "unexplained" as your diagnosis kind of leaves you in limbo. We will be going on to IVF in time and just hope that works. The main concern is that her egg quality might be poor. But we will cross that bridge when/if we come to it.

    But the reason for this post was to tell you about how a man might be going through with, and coping with this situation. Just to offer a little understanding. I can tell you that from my own perspective, the need to father children is quite strong in me. It's not so much the thought of raising my children (which I admit is very important to me) but more a primitive urge to pass on my DNA, my genes, and this is something that makes no sense really, because I would be happy to adopt if that was our only option (my wife is not keen on the possibility of egg donors as she wants the baby to be half her, half me understandably) if it were to transpire that we couldn't conceive naturally, adoption may be our only solution, and that's fine. But for some reason it does not take away that feeling of wanting just to know, that I have procreated. That there is a part of me living on somewhere. It's a very primal instinct I know, but it's something that exists and should really be acknowledged. I think both the male and female mental state in these situations will differ greatly, and it can only be a good thing to try to understand each other's feelings more.

    I hope that this post helps in some way, or at least offers an interesting read. Feel free to post comments, or you wish to talk to me privately I'm happy to discuss and talk to you about any issues you might have.
    I wish you all the very best of luck, and I hope that each and every one of you become mums and dads xxx
     
  2. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for sharing x
     
  3. BabyFrog

    BabyFrog Well-Known Member

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    Hi Artfuldad. Lovely to hear from a guy on this board :)

    My husband and I have just started trying, and it was his idea so I know he's as keen as I am, even if he is fairly clueless about reproduction!

    I hope it all goes well for you and you have that longed for child in your arms soon x
     
  4. M1chelle

    M1chelle Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for posting! It certainly is nice to see the male perspective. I hope you can conceive soon and end the unknowingness. My husband is fairly easy going about it yet - if it didn't happen at this stage he'd probably just be glad that he could spend his time doing what he wanted for a bit longer!! :)
     
  5. Jennymarie

    Jennymarie Well-Known Member

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    Good to hear your side Artfuldad. I think unexplained can be much harder to deal with. We went through a couple of rounds of ICSI and were told it would never happen for us as my egg quality was so bad and my hubby had low sperm count too. This helped us move on to adoption and we adopted our baby boy 18 months ago. Wish you both all the best in your journey x
     

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