A *headdesk* moment - Getting a bit much now

[Sherlock]

I'm tired, a bit exasperated and now on the verge of tears. OH is at work so apologies but I'm going to blub here.

Along with my other problems atm I also now have a *insert fancy medical term here* abcess type thing at the base of my spine. It tends to flare up when tired/stressed/run down and has in the past gotten nasty and *very* painful. So of course, it flared up last week (what me tired and stressed? ), caused me agony as sitting, leaning on it or any kind of pressure has me yelping. Its very tender and icky. GP put me on antibitotics and referred me for a surgical consult. Meds mean LO gets an upset tummy as it crosses into breast milk and is even more unhappy than with just having to deal with colic. So I've given up on those for now. Lesser of two evils and I'd rather I was the one to suffer not him.

Anyways, I've to see the surgeon next week and have been told this sort of thing gets removed under a general not a local Like I need that right now. Or anytime soon. It can be done in the next few weeks apparently. OK it will mean I'm pain free from it, but I can imagine it won't be fun for a few days having something dug out more or less on my spine. I'm sure I can be in and out of hospital same day (I hope so) but I know when my mother had something similar removed it was crappy for a few days.

I'm just about holding it together emotionally atm. Not to do with Galen as he is just about the best thing right now, even though I am tired and he feeds like I don't know what But just with everything else that seems to be raining crapness on my health. I want to start having my life back, being able to get out and about, do things and its just not happening. And now with this, I just feel even more deflated.

I'm frustrated being in the house so much, feeling so tied to it. I don't get to see many people as I'd usually meet them half way or out and about and I feel I'm missing out on getting to meet other new Mums and so on at the local groups. Add on that OH plays cricket most weekends and takes the car I seem to be even more stuck here. OK I could drop him off, but its a 30 minute drive if its a home game. And then I have to juggle that with Galen, match ending and having to pick him up at gone 8pm of an evening and so on. And I just don't feel confident in myself to be able to do that or go places with Galen when faced with the bladder woes and feeding demands. Its just a nightmare trying to even think about it, let alone go do it. Even a trip to the local town holds no appeal as all I do is feel uncomfortable walking round and am constantly looking for a loo With a small baby and pushchair its a nightmare trying to get anywhere or do anything.

I don't know. What am I trying to say. I think I just needed to ramble and get it out there.

 

[Jade&Evie]

Don't have much advice for you but didn't want to read and run.

Its onlt been a few weeks- things will get better soon

 

[beanie]

hugs hun. The first fewweeks are grim, and you have more on yourplate with your abcess. It does get easier, you will become more confident and feel more able to get out. The feeding will calm down.

I do think you need to talk to your bloke, share how you are feeling.

In regards to medication,I would give La Leche League a ring to ask for their advice. As far as I know about a general anaesthetic, you are able to continue to do so after having one, just let your surgeon know, and express after and dump the milk then feed as normal - though that is probably the last thing you feel like after. Then after you can have the perfect excuse to relax in bed with Galen.

Having a baby was the most isolating experience of my life but it does pass. You are doing a great job hun

 

[LucyBee]

I agree with Beanie (seem to be doing a lot of that lately!) in that the first few weeks are so super tough and isolating. Things WILL get better. Take a day at a time and try not to stress too much about your operation. When the time comes you'll deal with it perfectly I'm sure. Keep your chin up and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Lucyx

 

[EllieG]

Sounds like you are feeling really fed up , it is really tough having a new baby without having other health problems to go with it!
Can your OH car share on the weekend when he plays cricket, or maybe even just get a lift home, surel one of the other players would understand and be happy to do it, especially if he offers to cover fuel osts, or repays the favour the following week? Can your abcess not be drained at all? to relieve some of the pressure? I'm sure they have already thought of that, but just an idea. As for getting the bus with buggy etc, I know what you mean, it's really tricky and a lot of hard work and preparation, could you use a sling at all? maybe a ring sling wouldnt put pressure at the base of your spine. Maybe if you could chose one group you really want to go to, it might seem more manageable than wanting to go to various groups and not being able to attend any.
Really hope you feel more yourself soon, it really is early days, you sound very much in love with your baby boy, but you must do things to make you happy too