A baby????

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by stephlw25, Oct 20, 2005.

  1. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    Kay i was told because of C-section you shouldnt have another baby for 12 months as you need time to heal inside!! (Although some say 6 months, )so i really would wait!! i know people probly have had babies sooner that 12 months but it really is wise to give your body a rest as you have been through a lot and need to give your body time to recover!! Glad things are going well for you x x
     
  2. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Hiya,

    glad everything is sounding good between the two of you, that's great news! I would think though that as steph says there are strong physical reasons to give your body a bit of a break. It's just gone through an awful lot! I haven't even had my baby yet but I do want another but I'm thinking that regardless of how the birth goes I'm going to give my body time to get back on a level first- I'd say a year minimum. I also don't know how me and my husband are going to cope with parenthood yet- it's all so huge and new and will take time to get used to and to who we will become as parents not just a couple. It's very scary and exciting but it's a big thing for everyone and it's early days. I'd let the (baby) dust settle a bit first if I were you and then see how you feel about it. In the meantime I hope he gives you lots of support and love right now because you both deserve it :)

    +++
     
  3. honey7733

    honey7733 Well-Known Member

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    it is not impossible to have a baby b4 12 months (after c-section) it has been know....but yes the longer it scar has the better.

    but my advice to you is too wait until u are 100% sure....as u know a baby is for life. if u don`t feel sure u might regret it.

    i too like u want another already, so does my partner. i think missing being pregnant is a part of most previous pregnancies lol

    let us know what u decide
    good luck
     
  4. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    im going to say diffrent to everyone else.

    when i read your post i didnt think about the stress it would have on your body, i thought about the stress it would have on your mind.

    sorry to put a downer on this but you have already said you are not sure yourself if he is going to stick around this time and you are right to think that, hun he needs to prove himself to you now and re gain your trust back. when he walked out on you before he lost all trust and respect you had for him, you were left to deal with your pregnancy yourself!

    now its great he has come to his senses and is back in yours and sumemr life, sure! but he still needs to prove himself to you, so i would defo wait before you have another child. you mentioned that your worried he will leave you if you tell him you dont want another baby just yet, well if he does, then you have the answer your looking for dont you?

    if he understands and stays, then he is half way there to re gainnning back your trust, then you can work on things from there.
    you have plenty of time to fall pregnant again babes, enjoy summer, enjoy your man, get things stable, move in together and take each day as it comes untill you are 100% sure he means all this.

    again, im sorry if this sounds really negitive, i have been through stuff like this in the past with my ex hubby so i can relate to your situation, i just dont want anyone makeing hte same mistakes as i did, but on the other hand, i do understand its your life not mine. just trying to help.

    hope your ok with me saying all this, i do mean well

    xxxxx
     
  5. honey7733

    honey7733 Well-Known Member

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    the more you post the more i think having another baby is the wrong thing to do :(

    sorry its probably not what u wanted to hear :oops:

    u seem so unstable in your relationship....hope things get sorted soon hun xxx
     
  6. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    kay - i think you have just given yourself the answer, wether they are rumors or truth, the fact is, you were pregnant with his child, where was he???

    i can understand if he didnt want a relationship, but to not be a part of his babys pregnany is just wrong.
    now alot of dads do this and change as soon as there babies are born, this is a good thing, better late than never huh? and i do think its great you are both trying again, but please hun, be careful, i hate to put a downer on this but before you make such a big comitment as another baby, make sure he is what you want him to be, well no, that sounds bad, i meant make sure he has proved himself to you and that you are 100% that hes not going to mess you about again.

    if you do deicde to have another child together now and he leaves you again, you will have two children under 2, i was left with 2 children under 3, its hard hun.

    my advice to you is to stay together, tell him your not ready to have another child, coz going by your doubts i really dont think you are just yet, if he understands then thats a good sign, both enjoy summer together and see how your relationship goes, if in a few months you are more stable together, then maybe think about it.

    but remember, this is only advice, you have to make the final descsion, and no matter what you deicde, im sure you will get suport.

    also, remembr your hormones are still all over the place and have not yet returned t normal after summers birth

    xxxx
     
  7. Skidoo

    Skidoo Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kay -

    Just wanted to chip in and agree with layla. Wait until you and Ash are settled before having another baby. If he's serious about wanting you to be together and raise a family, he'll understand that you need to wait a while before having another child. Don't let him string you along with promises and wishes and leave you stranded again.

    It's great that he's looking at houses on the internet, but don't you think it would be best if you were actually living in one together before you start trying for another baby?

    You say it took you a couple of weeks to get used to being a mum; that's only the beginning. She will be growing and changing and presenting you with new challenges all the time. You know how hard it is looking after one child, imagine looking after Summer if you also had to keep an eye on a toddler at the same time; that's what you're letting yourself in for.

    He may be a great bloke and he may truly want for you to live together and bring up your daughter together; let him show you whether he can really live up to his promises.

    Best of luck with it all
     
  8. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    I think people are right Kay, if he is serious about you and plans to spend his life with you then he wouldnt mind waiting. Its great that you are looking at houses together so wait until that happens and you are settled down before having another baby. (up to you hun thou just my opinion!!!!!!) Plus if you wait a few years you can focus all your attention on summer for the time being!

    Plus... also sorry to sound so negative..... but what if you did get pregnant again and he did leave you?? (im sure it wont happen just exploring all options!!!!) then not only are you bringing up summer on your own but you face going through pregnancy alone again. Thats why i think its best to wait until you have moved in together/been together for a longer etc then you know that he truely is committed to you!

    Anyway Good luck hun and take care x x
     
  9. abbie

    abbie Member

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    h i'm new but want to give my opinion

    personally i would have this baby

    this might be the one thing which will make him commited to u and summer.

    the same thing happened to my friend and she didnt want another babu with him so soon cause they just got back 2gether.

    anyway cause he wanted to experience it from the start he got her best friend preg. and from the sounds of your story looks like this asher is the same.

    i think he has prob cheated on u loads i dont know y i saw your pic and your a pretty girl and only 19.

    i think a baby will make him comitted.

    b honest you dont wanna be alone. i think u will cope great with another baby.

    u need to get with the real world and make some sacrifices. u said you are financially stable so your family will be well provided for

    dont listen to anyone else on here. y wait because there will never be a perfect moment to have a baby.

    personally would rather b stuck with 2 kids and a bfriend who cheats then on my own with 1 child.

    an only child is awful.

    most boyfriends cheat get with the real world.

    as long as me and my family are provided for i let my husband do what he wants and u should do the same.

    your body will cope fine with pregnacy

    i think u do want this baby but worried what peole think

    pm if u like xxx
     
  10. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kay,
    I think it would be silly to end up pregnant again so soon.
    You need to make sure he IS committed and not just having a guilt trip, which may change again in afew months, once he realises that having a baby isn't all fun and giggles. its damn hard work as you already know, but he doesn't.
    Try living together and see what happens. but how can you completely look after summer and give her all your attention if you become pregnant, you'll have all the hormones to deal with, morning sickness, even more tiredness.
    Sorry to sound harsh, but i'd wait at least a year till thinking of another kid. Give your body and mentality time to heal and adjust.
    If he understands then he would be happy to wait, a baby is hard enough with a stable relationship.
    Probably speak to you on Msn at some point.
     
  11. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    abbie>>>>> i dont think having another baby is the best way to keep your partner....it should be a descision between them both that they want another child and i certainly dont think that it will make him any more commited as i know many people on this forum have had there boyfriends leave them when pregnant because they are scared of commitment.

    Also to say that Kays boyfriend has probley "cheated on her loads" is quite unfair seeing as you do not know him personally.

    It sounds like you are used to men cheating on you as you quote
    "most boyfriends cheat get with the real world" er.... if they are in a loving commited relationship then they would have no reason to go elsewhere.

    personally would rather b stuck with 2 kids and a bfriend who cheats then on my own with 1 child. (QUOTE)
    Why on earth would you want to be in that sort of relationship??? it can only end in tears, surely you derserve to be happy with a man who loves you?? Not "stuck with" him cheating on you every 5 minutes.
     
  12. abbie

    abbie Member

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    dont think its a silly thing

    y not apply for houses now and move in.

    in the meantime have sex unprotected and if it happens it happens

    u and ur partner then have 10 months to get used living each other

    i cant see no probs
     
  13. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    I really dont think that is the best advice to give someone who is very unsure of there situation and having doubts about having a baby.
    Also applying for houses and just moving in is not that easy and doesnt happen straight away.
     
  14. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Kayleigh, look back at some of your posts from when Summer was newborn, and then decide if you want to have another baby. Bearing in mind that both babies will be under the age of 1 (if you are lucky enough to get pg immediately), and at completely different stages of development, can you imagine spending all night up with a screaming newborn, then when they finally drop off, you have a crawling toddler with loads of energy to deal with.

    My advise would be to take things really slowly. Let Asher 'date' you for a while. There's a lovely old-fashioned word - woo. Let him Woo you. Chocs, flowers, walks in the park with Summer, that sort of thing. Then a few months down the line, maybe think about moving in together. What's the rush? If he loves you both, he will wait.

    Abbie - I know this forum is not meant to critisise other peoples views, so I'm sorry about this, but your post made my blood boil. You started by saying you were new, so you have no idea what Kayleigh has been through in the recent months. Then you go on to offer advise that, to be honest, I wouldn't give to my worst enemy.

    personally would rather b stuck with 2 kids and a bfriend who cheats then on my own with 1 child.
    as long as me and my family are provided for i let my husband do what he wants and u should do the same.
    [/quote:3lagwk8o]
     
  15. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Apologies about the above post. I hadn't finished and thought I clicked on the button to Preview, but clicked on Submit instead. The quotes are the wrong way round.

    I also meant to ask a question of you Abbie - are you an only child? The reason I ask is you have put that an only child is awful. Is this from experience? Because up until a year ago, my daughter was destined to be an only child, and if ttc doesn't go well, she may well be. She is one of the most rounded, intelligent, talented 12 year olds that you will want to meet.

    Please please Abbie, don't judge other peoples situations by your own life.

    If I have got this all wrong, I apologise sincerely.

    Kayleigh, please think about this long and hard because this is a lifelong commitment. And the posts are correct, you should really wait for 12 months after a C-section before ttc again to give your body time to heal.

    xxx
     
  16. hope

    hope Well-Known Member

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    Everybody has the right to live with some dignity & selfrespect. You should not think of bringing a child into this world just to hook a boyfriend, would any child like to know that they came into this world, not b'coz their mum & dad loved and wanted them but b'coz they were the only chance the mum & dad might have had of being together????????????? Sorry Abbie, but I think YOU need some counselling girl, U dont seem in any fit state to advice a vulnerable 19 year old!!!!!!!!!!
     
  17. hope

    hope Well-Known Member

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    Everybody has the right to live with some dignity & selfrespect. You should not think of bringing a child into this world just to hook a boyfriend, would any child like to know that they came into this world, not b'coz their mum & dad loved and wanted them but b'coz they were the only chance the mum & dad might have had of being together????????????? Sorry Abbie, but I think YOU need some counselling girl, U dont seem in any fit state to advice a vulnerable 19 year old!!!!!!!!!!
     
  18. marylou

    marylou Well-Known Member

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    hiya kayleigh
    i no this wont be very good advice but there we go..

    when i was 14 i had kylie an then when i was 15 i found out i was pregnant again and i already had a 8 month old little girl.
    i no i havent had the new baby yet so i still have the worst to come but i am so xcited for the baby to come i didnt think about the sleepless nights with kylie standing in her cot crying aswel(which she will of course) until i read this post. it has really made me think whether i will be able to cope

    wel i would give it a lot of thought but in the end it is totally up to you
    he cant make you do anyhting you dont want to!
    and like tankett ses 'if he really loves you then he will wait until you are ready'

    hope i have helped lol

    xoxoxox
     
  19. abbie

    abbie Member

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    look i dont want to cause any offense or upset anyone just sayimg the facts. no offense but whats the bets on her getting pregnant quickly. everyone is too quickly to judge. things might workout really well. kayl1986 i'll pm u my msn xxx
     
  20. melanieyeah

    melanieyeah Well-Known Member

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    hi babe, duno if anyone has said this yet. i skipped a few posts haha, but if he HAS slept around and you have 2 have unprotected sex to have another baby, have you not thought he could have some sort of sexually transmitted disease? After all you said he had slept with slags, and they are the ones most prone to sti's. I personally would have him checked at a clinic, you have any family planning clinics near you? My boyfriend was checked, they put a cotton wool bud in his peepee hole and tested it-came out fine lol! but you have to make sure- stis can lead to infertility and other problems, sores etc, so make him go... if he loves you and summer he will get checked!
    hope ur ok honey xxxxxxx

    Abbie- I do not agree with a word you have said, not one word.
    You shouldnt give such encouraging opinions, if you wish to do that then go and do it but dont influence others, because it may not be the best thing for kay!!
     

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