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Discussion in 'Relationships' started by angelj, Jan 21, 2016.
Editing this so he doesn't get upset
What an awful situation, I'm so sorry.
I have no personal experience but do work with people who have been abused. It is true that a high proportion of abusers have been abused but that in no way goes to say that someone who has been abused will go on to abuse! There are lots of other factors involved including future experiences and relationships, which it very much sounds like your partner has had positive experience of with you.
It is totaly understandable that he would be finding things very difficult right now and all I can suggest is that you encourage him to think about how he is going to feel if he was to abandon you and your child and support him to get professional help. A psychotherapist would be able to help him come to terms with his past experiences and recognise that he can be the dad it sounds like you believe he can xx
Often the beginning of any therapeutic process is the hardest, as people open up without having developed the coping strategies they need. It sounds like he is doing the right thing in getting professional help and perhaps just needs a bit of time to work things through. I'd really try not to worry that his behaviour is anything to do with his feelings towards you, this is a really difficult situation he is trying to come to terms with but it sounds like he is on the right track and once the baby is born I'm sure he will be able to connect and relate to it as his child rather than the potential risk he is obviously scard of it being at the moment xx
I've no advice but sending you lots of love x
Just give him time, he is helpless in this situation because he didn't choose it and he now needs your support to come to terms with it xx
Does he now know that you forgot your pill and still engaged in intercourse?
It could be that as well as the emotional turmoil he's in from the abuse and the shock and worry about becoming a father, that he's also disappointed with you and lost some trust?
I'm sorry that what should be such an exciting time for you both is instead a time of worry and upset.
Could you perhaps do some joint counselling sessions? That way you might both have a better understanding of what support etc the other needs in this situation.
Good luck and I hope things get better for you both.
You'd hope he wouldn't be feeling suicidal if he's been taking the antidepressants for a few months now, did he tell you if he has been honest with his psychologist about how he is feeling, as it sounds like his medication could do with being reviewed. I also think that joint counselling would be a really good idea xx
Was it after you found out you were pregnant or before you had conceived that he confided in you? It sounds like there may have been a trigger to all of this xx
Blimey what a lot of pressure you have on you at the moment!
Hopefully if he seeks some help then that unloads your pressure a little, and maybe he will be encouraged to talk to you about things if he sees someone about this.
You also have to carry on looking out for your unborn baby, and try not to stress too much about when the baby arrives, luckily a woman just goes into caring mode for a baby, so if he isn't so keen on helping in the early days then at least you can do everything you need to for when the baby arrives.
I really feel for you, my first baby I brought up alone even though I had a partner and it was hard and challenging, but also I look back and am pretty proud of myself for doing so.
I really hope he chooses to open up to you. Maybe write him a letter explaining how horribly cut off you feel? And you really want to be a family and want to help understand what he is feeling and help him get through it? xxx
Yes, I understand. I think it would be a really good idea for you to have counselling together or if he isn't in agreement I think it would be good for you to seek counselling for yourself so you also have someone to talk to xx