30's and looking for a trying buddy

Discussion in 'Forum Friends' started by hayley, Sep 11, 2005.

  1. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    I'm 31 yrs old and trying for a baby! I personnally don't think 31 is old to be trying for the first time but society makes you believe you are!

    My husband is 18 yrs older than me and has 3 sons from his first marrage. Although he has just turned 49 he is much fitter than me! he works out a few times a week and eats a high protein diet! Apart from looking younger than his age he also has a young outlook.

    Just yesterday we went shoping and came across a baby boutique. We went in for a nosey and saw some gorgeous cute babies clothes... it was very obvious we where together (holding hands, cooing over tiny outfits) the shop assistant came over to see if we needed any help! we explained we where just looking for now but one day we'll be buying! she replied "when you have your gran children?".....

    So i'm here looking for other woman who are in there 30 but feel 21 and trying for a baby.....
    x
     
  2. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Grand-children!! Did you smack her Hayley?!? I would be up on an assault charge if she had said that to me.

    As you know, I'm 35 and desperately ttc. For those that don't know, I was lucky enough to get pg when I was 22 (even though I was on the pill and we used a condom!) to a guy I had only known for 6 weeks. We ended up getting married which was stupid as we hardly knew each other. Well, the inevitable divorce came, I then had another long relationship with someone who I was totally incompatable with, and then decided that my daughter and I would go it alone.

    Then, last July, I met my soulmate. I had known him for a couple of years as the person who worked behind the bar in my local. He was the one that I could never talk to because as soon as I looked into his georgeous brown eyes, I went all tongue-tied like a teenager. Well, my dream came true when we got married this June.

    He is only 24, but neither of us notice the age difference, age is all in your head and I'm like you Hayley, I feel 21! We are absolutley desperate for a child, but last month it completely took over our lives, and we both felt gutted when we got the BFN. So now, we have booked a holiday for next May, we are taking it as it comes, I have not even got the ovulation sticks out at all, and we are BD as and when we feel like it. Fingers crossed that I need to cancel my holiday!!!

    I know it's harder to conceive when you get over 35, I'm just hoping it goes on mental age and not real age. :)
     
  3. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    HI tankett

    Have you read anywhere about the older father and problems that it may cause? I've got 3 books on pregnancy and conception, they all detail problems that may occur if your an older mother. They explain about sperm and what age it starts to deteriate. Quite suprised actually that it starts to deteriate when a man reaches his 50 but the deteriation is so small it's hardly noticable. It's not until a man reaches his 60's that his sperm starts to deteriate at a noticable rate. But still they can become fathers even later on in life. The books don't mention anything about downs due to being an older father. I think mc is a higher rate due to sperm quality. If anyone has heard or read anything regarding older fathers and complications in births please can you let me know.

    I think the healthier the man is the better sperm quality he has. My DH is quite healthy, has never smoked, drinks red wine and take all his vits... my only worry is stress! he runs his own business which is quite stressful...

    I'm probably worrying over nothing as many woman take upto a year to become pregnant.

    x
     
  4. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Hi Hayley

    I've not actually heard of anything about mens age. How often do you read in the paper about some famous guy in his 60's or 70's fathering a child - look at how well Michael Douglas has done!!

    It sounds like your OH really takes care of himself, so I don't think you need to worry. Jusy keep practising!! ;-)
     
  5. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Tankett

    When are you due for testing. I think your a little earlier than me. I'm not due to test till 4th Oct. I always ovulate early in my cycle but then have to wait about 17 days after ovulation for AF. This month I detected ovulation thursday which was only 10 days past AF.. I got egg whites fri (11th days) but by sat (12th day) it was back to creamy whites... so i'm thinking i ovulated fri because ovualtion sticks can detect the LH hormone upto 24 hours before your most fertile time.

    We only BD the once during my fertile window so i'm not fancying my chances.... DH worked all weekend (nites) so he was pretty tired! bless him. I have to be patient and not demanding....

    How are you getting on? Are you still taking a relaxed attitude towards trying? Wish I could. I am a little less bothered this month thou.. Last month was a killer.. i don't want to put myself or DH through all that again. I was counting every hour AF was due.....

    I jusr get worried that it's not going to happen without help from the hospital. I don't think I could face having to let the doctors get involved.. i'm a very impatient person the waiting would kill me!

    x
     
  6. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Hi Hayley

    AF should be due on 28th September, but I'm thinking I've gone a bit screwy this month. Normally, I ovulate on day 18, then AF arrives 14 days later, so a 32 day cycle.

    I haven't used ovulation sticks this month, but today is day 23 and yesterday, I had loads of egg-whites (TMI), so god only knows when AF will arrive!!

    I'm so relaxed about it though, that I've surprised myself! I even had to get my diary out to check the dates! How laid-back is that??

    Hope last Friday went well for you, no red wine involved!!! :wink:
     
  7. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Tankett

    wow you are laid back.. i'm still counting every day, hour, minute to the next AF!

    Friday went well.. it was quite funny because i was bombing along the motorway having all these naughty thoughts in my head! It was quite excitig to bunk off wok for a bit of how's your father...then I decided to come off the motorway 2 junctions early and take the back roads... thinking it'll be quiet. But it was bloody 3.15 and the letting out of schools was starting..... I was tooting my horn and dodging in and out of parked cars.... i wanted to scream "get out my way i'm ovulating!" don't know what stopped me..... anyway i finally got home and just about parked the car before i jumped out with my shoes off ready... DH was relaxing on the couch like "what's the big deal"..... But we managed to have a bit of fun....

    We should get top marks for trying anyway!

    I've decided i like the name Gracey Rose.... I know DH likes Grace so there'll be no arguing!

    It's good news about Rach. Good but scarry!!! I think she's coming around to the idea now! I'd be even more happier if i got BFP this month as the expected date is my birthday.. i think i'vesaid before.... i was born on my mums birthday too, so we might make it into the Guiness book!
     
  8. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    LOL Hayley, I can picture the scene now! (The journey home, not what happened when you got there!!)

    My favorite girls names are Grace and Mae, and if I had another girl, I would have loved to call her Grace Mae (or Gracie Mae), but my hubbie's cousin has 2 small girls, and they are called Grace and Mae!! Not fair! so we were discussing other names last week, and we decided on Rose. How spooky!!!

    Having a girl already though, we would both love a boy (although at this moment, I don't really care!). We have decided on the name Harry. I love old-fashioned simple names. Also, Armageddon is our favorite film, and we both still get tears in our eyes when we watch it! (sloppy buggers), we had 'I don't want to miss a thing' (the theme tune) for our first dance at our wedding, and Bruce Willis's character is called Harry. I know, sloppy mush!!

    His cousin is 8 weeks pregnant with their third, and I have warned them both that the name Harry is already reseerved for a boy!!!
     
  9. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Yes Mae is lovely... unlucky thou about your husbands cousins girls.... thats the thing.. you have to start putting your claim on names now because all the good ones are getting snapped up by cousins and friends...

    I love old fashioned names as well. I think there so much better than modern names which only sound chav!

    For a boy I like Alfie (husbands dad is called alfred) I like ben (benjamin)

    The thing is one of my friends has made me swear not to pick the name Alfie as she wants it.. although she isn't actually dating yet!

    If i find out how to post a picture i will do. I've got a few on my compter at work from my wedding. I'll have a go at putting one on. DH chose our wedding song which i wasn't too happy with but it was the only thing i let him pick.

    When is your 1st yrs anniversary? Mine is this coming monday...

    right i'm off to down load a picky..

    x
     
  10. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    i've tried to make the pic's a little smaller but don't know how. The 2nd picture is me and Dh (obviously) the 1st pic is me with 2 of our bridesmaids.

    so that's me....
     
  11. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hello Hayley and Tankett,

    Just read your thread and thought I'd crash your party and join in if thats ok with you two.. ?!
    Lovely photos ... Hayley you look stunning and what gorgeous bridesmaids too .. and your Hubby does not look his age!!

    I am 36 and ttc.. I had 2 m/c 12 years ago - even though both were unplanned and very much the wrong time, wrong blokes, wrong everything it was still devastating.. I then just had a fun 10 years waiting for Mr Right.. he came along 3 years ago and now we are wanting a family.. as soon as we decided to try I was lucky enough to fall pregnant first month trying but m/c at 8 weeks in August. Life / nature can be so cruel sometimes.. now I am angry and upset that I waited so long but the plus side is that now it has been 3 m/c they are investigating me.

    It doesnt help that everyone around me seems to be falling pregnant and having stress-free pregnancies.. I cannot help being envious and anxious that maybe it is too late for me.... friends and family etc but hey I have to stay focused and positive.

    I am now trying again.. I really hope that I am able to be a mum as I cannot think of much else these days..

    Hope to chat with you both soon
    x
     
  12. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations on your first anniversary Hayley, and you all look lovely in the pictures. How that woman could have thought you were grandparents is beyond me. I have put some on the Introduce Yourself forum, but I've noticed that you have posted in there as well, so you've no doubt already seen them!

    We celebrated our 3 month anniversary last Sunday. Can't believe how fast it's flown by.

    I love the name Alfie! I also like Jack, George (but they are my best mates boys), Sam, Jake. Short and simple.

    Girls I'm a bit stuck with. Because I can't have Grace or Mae, I think Rose. But thats about it. Still, I have plenty of time to think about it, and if it is anything like when my daughter was born, all the names went straight out the window, as not one of them suited her! Whilst still in the delivery suite, Kylie Minogue came on the radio, and my chav of an ex suggested that for a name. I nearly choked on the first cup of tea I'd had for 24 hours! Then the midwife suggested Kayleigh, and it suited her, so the midwife actually named my daughter, not me!!
     
  13. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Girls

    Welcome Anna Marie.... the more the merrier! i'm sorry you've been thru 3 miscarrages.... must have been hell! but as you say positive is the only way forward... but yes i agree the green eyed monster has come out in me too! everyone everywhere is having babies like hot dinners.... I'm fed up of hearing "we got caught with the 2nd try" i think i'll us that line when it eventually happens for us!

    Tankett i saw your wedding picture... all 3 of you look georgeous! what a dish for a husband.... looks like a real sweety! your daughter is really pretty.... I was showing DH the pic's and he also commented on how pretty she looks - heart breaker when she grows up. I'm guessing she takes after mum and not chav ex....

    I would be good if all 3 of us got a BFP this month.... or a month together.. we could pos pic's of the bump every month.. have competion who grows the biggest or who pops first.... the weidest craving or the first stretch mark (i'm hoping i don't win that one)

    Anyway i've done just a casserol and i can smell it burning.... i've put the red wine in the casserol this time instead of drinkin it.... less problems.... he he he

    take care

    x
     
  14. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Hi Anna Marie, like Hayley said, the more the merrier!

    I'm really sorry to hear about your m/c's :( , but like you have said yourself, at least you are now being investigated as to why. My pregnancy was also unplanned 12 years ago, although I was very lucky and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It does make me mad that we spend most of our adult life trying not to get pregnant, and then when we want to, we either can't conceive, or have complications. :-(

    It hit me the other day that age is also against me now. When they were discussing on the news that women over the age of 35 struggle to conceive, I sat and thought 'aww, poor loves', then realised that i fall into that category! It shocked me to realise that I may only have a few more years to conceive! I still feel 21.

    Then again, as you can clearly see from some of the stories on here, there are many younger people who also struggle. I have friends in their early 20's who married 3 and a half years ago, and have been trying ever since. After a year, they started at the hospital for tests, and have been attending an assisted conception centre since then. There was nothing wrong with either of them, no reason why they could not get pg. They were about to go on the list for ivf, when you've guessed it, she found out she was pg. She's now 8 weeks, and I don't think I've ever seen a happier couple. It can and will happen for us, I am convinced of it.

    xxx
     
  15. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hey Tankett, Hayley,

    Yeah that news report about being over 35 really annoyed me.. I think its a gov't ploy to get more people to go out and have kids, the kids will then grow up and look after their parents adn their bl**dy pension crisis can be resolved.. at this rate us "older" parents are being "selfish" and "inconsiderate".. bl**dy cheek.. at least we are taking care of ourselves and not going into parenthood blindly or lightly.. of course we cannot argue with the medical risks etc but that is our choice and for them to scare us into thinking its not possible and to make us feel more guilty than we already do about waiting is very WRONG!

    I was quite upset by all the coverage and comments by Dr's and child phsycologists etc.... we are mature, responsible women trying to have a family at a time in our life when we are READY and able to cope... we should be encouraged and supported not scared off.

    Anyway.. that's my rant over..

    Yes I am in a bad mood.. I sense AF around the corner... :cry: :x

    On a happier note.. its very encouraging to see so many people on here and friends / colleagues etc who have been trying for a while finally get that BFP... even though I am envious I am still overjoyed and would wish motherhood for everyone seeking it...

    I have to prepare myself for this w/e - a friend of my OH is getting wed and there will be a couple there who are expecting in March [that's when my little bean would have been due].. they have not contacted us since my m/c and I am a bit upset by that but they are obviously deliriously happy while I am still coping day by day.. of course I am pleased for them but I am afraid it will really upset them when I see them... I would love to just get totally wrecked but I am trying to stay off the alcohol to enhance chances of conceiving....ooohh dilemnas dilemnas...

    :? :? :wink:
     
  16. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Anne Marie

    We where discussing the age thing the other day! just because we're in our 30's and trying for a child doesn't mean we decided not to have a child when we where in our 20's... people assume we put motherhood off because we wanted a career! Like where all power woman! The reason I didn't have a child in my 20's was because I hadn't met anyone I wanted to have a child with! simple.... i also lived with my parents till i was 25 (apart from travelling the world when i was 20 for a few years) I didn't hear the goverment knocking on my door offereing me a 3 bedroom house, a wage and a dishy bloke with a high sperm count!

    I can't begin to know how you feel about your little bean. A MC must be just awful.... have a good drink at the wedding and if you have a cry - so what! you've lost your little bean and if you want to express your feeling every woman on the planet will understand!

    I get a bit of the green eyed monster every time I hear about another BFP. It's natural... i'm happy for all those that BFP but i do think i wish it was me. I told my girl friends in dec we where gonna strat trying the end of jan.... then my best friend foud out she was pregnant the last week in Jan. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and i'm so happy for her (can't stop buying him clothes) but she wasn't even trying! i found myself getting very jelous of her but happy as well.

    Anyway i'm feeling a bit dry (CM).... this could be down to the fact i drank cough medicine this cycle to produce more! maybe i got my month CM allowance in 2 days and now i've run out!!!! i don't know... but i feel like i've got sand paper in my knickers - sorry!

    I agree Tankett - It WILL happen for us one day! every woman should be allowed to have babies.... Wonder why god decided to make it difficult! You can tell he's a bloke.......

    x
     
  17. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Sandpaper in your knickers!!! I can't think of anything at all to reply to that!!!!! :oops: :shock:
     
  18. Dippy

    Dippy Well-Known Member

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    Hayley, you go girl!! Hope you don't mind me sneaking into your post, technically I won't be 30 till December, but what's a few months between friends??

    I really HATE my body today, feel like it has been playing a sick joke on me for the last week making me think I might get a bfp and then giving me horrendous pmt just to punish me further. It's so hard sometimes to pick yourself up when each month brings disappointment, however armed with my thermometer and my bottle of cough medicine, I give my ovaries a chance to redeem themselves next month, but they have been warned, I won't put up with this for much longer!! Good luck to those still in with a chance this month - blowing a baby dust storm your way.

    P.S Hope you enjoy the wedding at the weekend Anna Marie, be thinking of you, have a glass of champers!!
     
  19. rach

    rach Well-Known Member

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    hayley not that i want to build up your hopes or anything but personal question do you ever go that dry any other time?
    have you seen my post in symptoms called "cm" im never ever dry at all but this month a few days after ovulation i felt exactly the same i can understand where your coming from with the sand paper lol
    hoping its the same for you this month good luck hun xxxxx

    p.s. sorry girls to butt in and good luck to you all xxxxxx
     
  20. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hey Everyone,

    I wont get into another rant but as with you Hayley I wanted to wait for that special someone and I didnt meet mr right until 3 years ago... when I got pregnant when I was 24 it was with a complete f***wit and he was abusive and so NOT the right person but I just could not think of termination but unfortunately I lost the little one anyway.. for a while I was so angry and felt so responsible because part of me was unsure whether I wanted it or not [cos of the guy] but much later I realise it was a blessing in disguise as the guy was a nutjob with a violent temper and I had to flee the US to get away from him.

    Now I feel so right with my bloke but I feel so inadequate that I cannot provide him with a family... he is very supportive and understanding etc but deep down I feel very insecure.

    But I will keep trying!!!!!!

    As for the dryness [sandpaper? OUCH!!!] I know what you mean and as Rach says it could be a symptom. I am always dry after ovulation towards end of cycle. To be honest I have been very dry all of this week so I think AF is around the corner although it is day 28 today and no AF yet..... maybe this is your month !!!!! When is AF due?

    by the way Hi Dippy.. I know what you mean about symptoms, I really do convince myself I could be - and then am in complete denial when I get a cramp etc.. telling myself that even the neg test is wrong.. ho hum!!!!
     

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