2nd children worries!

[xkikix]

Hi Mums,

This is quite upsetting for me to write down but here goes...

I'm so worried that I wont love baby bump as much as I do Chester. I just dont have the same feelings towards bump as I did towards chester when he was a bump. I dont know whether its cus he was my first, everything new and exciting, this time it all just feels routine Things just arent the same and i'm worried about when he's born that bump will be 2nd best to chester.

When I feel him moving in my belly I try to stop and chat to bump like i did with chester but i'm so busy I just dont always have time.

Anyone else feel like this?

 

[maybebaby]

This is COMPLETELY normal!!! I felt so guilty the whole time I was pregnant, partly because I didn't want ds1 to think I was replacing him but partly because I knew I could never feel the same way about the new baby as I did about ds1. Fortunately I was wrong

I have to say when ds2 was born I didn't get that big 'rush' when I first looked at him that I did with ds1, it took a few days to get used to the idea of having two. Now though I can 100% say I love them both more than I could imagine. I love seeing them together .

It's easy to say don't worry about it but you will because you're a good mum and you care but I can assure you once baby bump is here you will have loads more love just for him/her.

 

[Red_Fairy]

aww hun

I compleltly relate to what you write, and you shouldnt feel bad about it at all, i think its natural to feel what you feel. I was exactly the same with my bump.

If im honest, i still get the feelings now lol, hannah is very demanding, so i spend more time playing with her ect, where as emily is very laid back, happy to just sit and watch... which makes me feel bad lol. I think this is just part of motherhood, you find guilt EVERYWHERE. (and we are way way wayyyy too hard on ourselves)

I love them equally - i have no doubt on that - and so will you.

Waht makes it all worth while tho, is the relationship they have with eachother. Its AMAZING. They are lost without eachother. And with every day that passes they are becoming closer and closer.
Im so so so proud that ive gave them that relationship. They might have to share me somtimes, but they'll always have eachother.

 

[Becky]

I totally know what you're feeling, I was worried too but when DS was born I realised that he is a unique individual and my love for him is unique. I love him just as much as DD but it is different because our relationship has been and will be different. The closest thing I can compare it to is loving my mum and dad, I love them both as much but it is different too.

Also, I think pregnancy 2nd time round is totally different because you just don't have the time to indulge in thinking about it all the time the way you do with your first. Try not to worry too much.

 

[lea m]

I know exactly what you mean too! Its normal hun! You will love your babs just as much!

Red fairy it was the same with Joseph and Dillon! I was constantly running about after Joseph! Dillon was sooo good all the time!

 

[xkikix]

Thank you so much for your replies girls i dont know whether to book a 4d scan for a bit of bonding time for us all or whether it will be a waste of what little money we have!

 

[nutcase109]

Hi there xkikix

I really hope you dont mind me writing, and please dont feel you have to reply if busy / dont want to etc!

I was reading your post just now, about 2nd children worries. I have the same worries myself. Unfortunately, I dont have the experience yet to reassure you that everything is going to work out just fine, but Im certain it will.

Remember that rush of love you had in the early days, looking at your little one? That will all come again, and its only natural that you dont have as much time this time round, but what an excellent job you must be doing - looking after the little one AND growing this new baby, I really admire you.

I wondered, if you dont mind me asking, whats it like being pregnant, whilst looking after LO? Im petrified about how I will cope, with number 2, as I was such a nightmare during my pregnancy and having a newborn, the first time round. Im not pregnant yet (I dont think!) But hope to be so by the end of this year. Can you tell me the ups and downs?

Once again, I think you are doing a brilliant job, and Im really envious. It will feel like forever right now, but time will pass so quickly, and before you know it, you will have two beautiful children who you will love so dearly, and you will remember this worry as a distant memory.

Take care, Emily

 

[valentine]

Hi kiki,

As far as I can gather, this kind of feeling is totally normal and I completly relate to what you are saying.

I often forget I am pregnant for long periods of time and seem to spend no time getting excited or planning for this baby unless its really practical things. Other people seem to be much more excited than me. I've actually been quite worried as this baby wasn't really planned (we're a bit lazy with contraception) and I've had really ambivilant feelings towards him/her, sometimes seeing the new baby as a bit of an inconvenience making me tired, crabby, having not so much time and energy and money to spend with my DD etc. I know that makes me sound like a cow but I'm just trying to be honest and I honestly can't help it.

I wondered, if you dont mind me asking, whats it like being pregnant, whilst looking after LO? Im petrified about how I will cope, with number 2, as I was such a nightmare during my pregnancy and having a newborn, the first time round. Im not pregnant yet (I dont think!) But hope to be so by the end of this year. Can you tell me the ups and downs?

I can't lie nutcase (sorry I know your question wasn't too me, but hoped you wouldn't mind if I answered!), its one of the hardest things I've ever done. I think if I'd waited until now to get pregnant I would be using super strong condoms and putting it off for years - pregnancy with a toddler is really hard work. DD was a very placid easy baby, but like all toddlers is demanding and tantrumy and likes to get her own way! As explained above, I don't feel that I give DD as much time as she deserves now as I'm so tired with this pregnancy and her needs have sometimes had to be sidelined so I can have a nap or whatever. On the positive side though, I love the idea of a close age gap and know it'll all be worth it in the long run when my two children are close and play together.

Valentine Xxx

 

[aramintalovegrove]

I have found having Es has made me love DS even more and I couldnt have dreamed that was possible, when he plays with her or she coo's/gazes after him when they are together it makes my heart melt.

I think with my second it just seemed to be second nature when she was here that I love her as much as DS, but I did have the same worries as you (especially as my mental heath in tri 1/2 was bad due to the shock of being pregnant) and I also hated every minute of my pregnancy 2nd time around. As soon as she was here though she instantly fitted in and I actually look back and feel sad I wasnt going to have another child intentionally as I could have missed all that Es has brought into our lives.

I would say I love my two for different reasons but equally as much if that makes sense, again like loving your mum and dad as someone else said.

 

[minxie]

As explained above, I don't feel that I give DD as much time as she deserves now as I'm so tired with this pregnancy and her needs have sometimes had to be sidelined so I can have a nap or whatever. On the positive side though, I love the idea of a close age gap and know it'll all be worth it in the long run when my two children are close and play together.

Valentine Xxx

Funny..I was just thinking this today. Totally agree with Valentine. I am getting so tired in the day with this pregnancy that its a struggle at times with my 1 year old! My parents are proving to be very handy babysitters so I can get a well needed kip in the day. It does not help if you have bad morning sickess and/or spd (and yep I have both!) on top of the tiredness.

With my first pregnancy I rememeber the excitement of reading baby articles, magazines, books, catalogues..planning the nursery.. talking and singing to my bump... but Im so busy or tired now to do that or just feel less of the need to read stuff as its not new to me anymore. Im not beating myself up about it though or letting myself feel guilty as I know what counts is the love in my heart for both of my babies....not my energy levels or my 'less-excited-when-something-isnt-new' personality.

For me, I guess having a 2nd baby puts things into perspective....its not about the clothes, the nursery, the sex of the baby, the latest baby accessories. Its just about knowing the baby's health is ok and knowing how to tend to its needs. Im much more 'practical-minded' this time round.

So on the positive ...

1) mentally, Im prepared for no 2. Its all fresh in my mind how to look after a newborn baby. It took me a while to learn about raising babies, as it does with every new mum. Ok I still dont know everything and each baby is different...but Im feeling more confident and 'practical' about looking after the needs of baby 2...which is better than how I felt with my first (a crying, tired, unsure amateur at times)

2) I look at my darling first son and feel so excited that God has blessed me with the chance to have two children. Feels that my life will be complete when I have them both in my arms.

3) My son Jacob, last week (when I was 21 weeks pregnant), kissed my tummy. He did this 3 times..without prompt or instruction from me or anyone. I was lying on the bed, airing my bump, when he crawled over and planted a soppy kiss on my tummy. It totally blew me away...the fact that he knows/could know about a baby inside me and he reacted like that. If i tell this to some people, they will think me mad...or think im seeing into things...or that it was a coincidence. But it happened, three different occasions, one time witnessed by someone else. When magic like that happens, its amazing.

 

[bobtheunfortunateone]

I think it is all to do with time! With your first you get to enjoy every wriggle and the scan I bonded with my first from the first scan!, but the second tends to just get left to there own divices, I just got to enjoy the wriggles at night and took my first lad to the scan, where he just messed around, by the second scan I didn't take him because I want to enjoy it, and I did.

I had a big fear of not loving my second has much, because my MIL does not love my husband has much has her first born (and tells hims so) she would say that I would understand! But I am glad to say I don't, It just took alittle more time to bond with him, but god I love him soo much.

The second tends to get left alone more, or your time is split. But I make sure I get alone time with both every week. and I do love then the same. I may just take more time.

 

[trixipaws]

SO glad u posted this!!!! iv been kinda ashamed to admit that i'v secretly been thinking i dont think i can love this baby as much as millie my princess, my world! i keep thinking its gonna be like when we have more than one cat, i ALWAYS have a favourite cat! i cannot comprehend yet how millie can be anything but the most amazing child in the world i feel guilty on this baby already! but folk have told me before, including wise women with age and experience over me (my auntie!) "u probably think u cant possibly love another like millie but u will believe me u will!" so i'll just have to wait and hope!