21 weeks now and my boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by PPCSB, Jun 26, 2013.

  1. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    So we were up and down since March when I found myself pregnant, I was shocked and scared but then he said to me he loves me so much and our love is so strong enough to be parents and no matter what my decision he will stand by me and deal everything with me. Then after I went to my first scan and saw the little heart beat I immediately attached to our baby, he seems happy and excited at that time. But then he will suddenly looked super upset or get mad at me for no reason or some little things and told me to kill our baby and very soon he will regret and said sorry and said thanks to me about didnt go for abortion.

    Tough 3 months...

    5 June Tuesday night he was still touching my tummy talking to baby, Wednesday afternoon he was still telling me he loves me and misses me cant wait to spend the weekend with me. few hours after he just totally changed and disappeared and not picking up my calls or reply any message and day after he sent me a text told me he hates to admit that he has depression and he want me to leave him alone for the time being and he said he needs to fix it by himself and focus on himself.

    Its ok I understand (because this is not the first time, he has been on emotions rollarcoaster for 3 months already since I found out I was pregnant on first March), I replied him I understand and thanks for letting me know he is ok but then immediately what I have got is the crazy blaming form him said that its me made him depressed because of me insist to keep baby against his wishes and because we have only met for 8 months etc, and said to me I totally ruined his life and said that I am a cxxt and slux and all those crazy horrible insulted AGAIN.

    We were still ok for the last few days why suddenly like this again? Its been 4 months already... I thought we can fix it why would he suddenly hate me so much again?
    He said to me he doesnt think he love me at all and all I want is his money,(whatttt???) he said to me he doesnt think I love him at all because I want to keep our baby, he said to me he must be blind for the past 8 months to be with such a piece of shit like me. Am I really just a piece of shit to him? I cant forget all the great time we have had and everything we have been through, I dont wanna give up on him and I wont give up on us.

    I went to his place waited for him on 7 June night, he looked at me with that resentful face and all the spiteful words hurts me alot. He said he only treated me as a sex toy for the last few days and dont even love me at all because I am just a piece of shit and a sex toy ready for anyone whenever people's wants. He said he doesnt want a girlfriend like this and he would never respect me but I never cheated on him and I will never...
    I am having our baby and I love him and just wanna be end up with him. I really wont cheat on him at all I am not his ex gf not every girl are the same.. She did that doesn't mean I would!! Can he please understand that?? :'(
    That was too crazy. Please tell me this is just because he is suffering something I dont understand inside him??

    Seems like the only thing he want right now is kick me out of his life and find another girl and only think that I dont worth his love and I am just a cxxt and @#++ that who doesnt deserved him.

    Those emotion abused and insulted are really rude and I can't take it at all. But I have been taking them for 3 months. At first he will still feels sorry and really regret. ANd came back told me he would never being that rude again and he was just having mixed emotions and he took it all on me.
    And I will forgive him immediately because I really just want us to be good.

    Since May, he wont feels sorry anymore. Because he hacked into my email and found all my conversation with others before I met him, I was single for a long time before I met him, so I was kinda seeing 3-4 guys one by one since 2007, I dont really believe in relationship at that time because I was too hurt in my pervious relationship. Until I met him, I want to trust him and love him and I truly believe in him. I know he have done something ONS as well before but I dont care and I know everyone has their past. The main point is what we are today with the one we love now.
    But he cant understand. He said he think I was a playgirl before and I am just a SlxT and not worth his love at all etc. No matter how many times I explained to him that was my past and I was single and I was seeing people one by one I didnt do anything too crazy. He said I am a SLXT, and he said he cant let me be the mum of his child. And he was blind o be with me etc...
    It was me keep going back to him everytime after he insulted me but he will held me tight and told me how much he doesnt wanna lose me and how much he loves me and we will be great parents for our baby.

    But then soon like 2-3 days he will be out of control again. I thought he was just too stressed of our unborn baby.
    He even kept telling me to get an abortion. Everything was really hurt but I still hoping that we will be great. Am I too stupid?

    He said its me forced him to be a father and wanna trapped him because I was looking for boss, he said I am keeping baby is because I wanna steal money from him and trap him and I dont love him at all....

    why cant he understand it is because I love him and even tho baby is an accident I am still grateful because he is the guy I want to be with, and before baby, we were the sweetest couple ever. why would he suddenly changed completely?

    I am at my mum's now. He went completely crazy, actually he looked calm just became a person I don't even know and the way he looked at me like he see me as nothing or even shxt, well he said I am just a piece of shxt on the floor etc on 7 June Friday night and said all those unbelievable spiteful things so I just left his house and went back to my mums.
    But all my ID card and phone and everything was at his house.
    So sad is - since I left and he know that I have no money at all and no ID no credit card but he didn't even call any of my friends ask for me or didn't even send an email at all.
    Totally don't care....

    Then week after I called him and left him voice message. He replied me on skype day after and said he still got all my phone and handbags. Then I said you actually got my life at your house (because I was supposed to move in with him in July and he always asked me to), then he said he had plenty of time to think about us that week and he is 100% sure he doesnt love me anymore and never ever would. He said he will never forgive me ever ever by brining this to him and he hates me so much because he doesnt wanna be a father and I forced him to and insist to keep our baby against his wishes and his life is ending because of me. ( I still have all our conversation of him talking how much he loves me and will be great daddy for his big baby - me, and little baby of us and how grateful he is)

    He said he found out what kind of girl I am and I am just a girl with no values no morals and would be ok to sleep with any guy in the world.

    I am not mad about what he said because those are not truth but I am so heartbroken because how can he being this horrible to me?

    He said he didnt and wont respect me for one bit and he will go find someone so much better than me. I keep trying to explain to him I am not like how he think. Why he would suddenly think me to this bad??????

    When we were in love he always told me how lucky he is to have me in his life and told me how great I am and want to be with me forever and never let go...

    I still cant believe that. He was super loving and caring and was the guy who love me the most before!!!

    ANyways.. I got back all of my stuffs last Wednesday night and we talked a little bit. He said the same - he will never forgive me etc etc etc and he said he wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful but just telling me the truth that this is ME made us like this now because I insist to keep baby. He kept asking me what my plan is and he will be responsible for some baby cost even tho he hates this and he never want this child (for me I was thinking if he ever wanna do this why did he needs to keep adding hurtful words to it? like he hates and would never like this child), he said he is not happy about this but as a man he will give me enough money for baby, I refused and said I dont need this if he is not doing this from his heart but just acting he is being a man while what he was doing is not a man at all.

    He packed all of my stuffs for me and even our stuffs and the gift my mum gave him, EVERYTHING. Then he carried them to a taxi and gave me a hug said - see you later. Thats it.

    After I got home he sent me a text asked me did I managed to get someone to help me to move those 3 huge bags because I was pregnant and shouldnt have lift any weight. I repiled him and said to him if leaving me is what would make him happy I will do for him because I want him to be happy even tho I really dont wanna give up on us and I still love him..

    Then I found that he had CHECKED my phone AGAIN during that week I left my phone and wallet at his.

    Sigh....

    Since then he never call or text or anything. I still love him and miss him and couldnt believe it because he was super polite to everyone and super loving and caring and love my family, how can someone changed that quick????

    Is my past really an issue made him not love me anymore? Or this is just an excuse for him to feel better to dump me?

    Anyone experiences same saturation? Any advice or comment are appreciated.
     
    #1 PPCSB, Jun 26, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2013
  2. Kayley91

    Kayley91 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun... to me it sounds like you and baby will be better off without him!

    He is being a complete coward... it takes 2! Boys like this make me so mad... I've had similar with my baby's dad... me and him are no longer together. The only difference is the nastiness was from his family.

    Just stay strong. YOU deserve better the him.

    If you need to talk message me.

    Xxx
     
  3. H16

    H16 Well-Known Member

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    ^^WSS

    He sounds like an idiot! Leave him to it, if he decides to man up and be a proper dad then great but if not it is his loss x
     
  4. katyloumc

    katyloumc Well-Known Member

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    I would get yourself out of that situation, it isn't healthy. You need to be happy and he won't ever make you happy because he is treating you so badly. You and your baby deserve so much better you would be better off on your own where you and your baby are safe from any more nasty situations.

    All of the names he called you are just horrendous, someone who loves you wouldn't want to hurt you so badly. It's mental abuse.

    I know you say you want to be with him, but look further down the line and try to picture having a young baby around someone like that? That can't fill you with happy thoughts?

    If you ever need to talk there are lots of people on here to listen xxx
     
  5. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    You are definitely better off, tbh he sounds like a scumbag who doesn't deserve a child!
     
  6. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    His behaviour sounds very erratic and scary. I know you can't choose who you fall in love with, but like katyloumc says think about it down the line, would he be like this with your child? Scary thought....

    My DH has suffered on and off with depression since 2004, and although it does give us some tough times together, he has never said anything awful like that to me, and he has been really ill with it at times. I don't think he should use depression as an excuse for saying such horrible things to you.

    He also needs to realise that behaviour has consequences, how will you ever be able to trust him after saying such things to you? In 11 years now with my hubby, we've learnt in arguments that there are lines you must not cross if you want to stay together.
     
  7. Dotty_woman

    Dotty_woman Well-Known Member

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    What horrible things to say! You must feel very hurt hun. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. I think you need time away from this guy at the moment. You need people around you that will support and look out for you. I hope you have some close friends/family that are there for you at this difficult time. Good luck and remember you need to look out for yourself and your baby now. xxx
     
  8. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    Dear all,

    Thank you so so so so much for reading my long long story and replying me.

    I actually know what should I do and I am so lucky to have friends around me. I am just worry if all of my friend get tired of me being sad because I really still feeling so confused and hurt.

    Clearly what he has been doing to me was emotional and verbal abuse I do understand it.

    The hardest part of me to believe this is real and to accept the fact is he was such a great great guy I have ever met. He treats every of his friends good, he treats my family like his family, he learn my lanugage (sorry forgot to mention I am a HK girl and we lives in HK and he is from London) just to communicate with my family. He went to my hometown to meet my grandparents and he treats all of my friends great.

    At the first 3 months even tho he wasnt sure but he will keep trying and being so sweet to me and my tummy. Yup he did went crazy for certains time for the past 3 months but never as horrible as these last few (2 or 3?) times since end May.
    SInce he got back from his business trip in end May. He started being abusive. Calling me all those horrible names..

    I know I should STOP thinking and STOP asking why but I am sure you girls understand that as a girl we always want to know "WHY???"

    It happened too fast and too sudden.

    Before he kicked me out of his house he was still telling me he misses and loves me and we were planning our weekend because he has some friends coming visit from London. And was talking to baby says - "hey baby I will see you in 5 months be a good baby inside mammy and I will have some daddy times only me and you when you are here"

    Then suddenly changed to that horrible and never love me and dont want baby at day one and said to me he was being nice was just because he was forcing himself to be nice.

    I just couldnt understand.

    This is some message from him at the first 3 months since I got pregnant - "I like our baby and truth is I am also nervous, anxious, excited, worried, happy, but I know that both you and I have a lot of love to give, this is most important! that is one thing, I don't feel too young to have a child, I can mentally and physically support one, actually two (he means me is still a baby) crazy but amazing, is it a miracle? Provide for AB (he call me AB) and CSB (baby's name) is the priority now, No worries I am relentless and hungry and strive for anything less than excellent, you and me and baby will have a happy + good life. No more arguing please, We have other MUCH more important things to deal with :), I am just stressed and taking it out on you, I don’t mean it, I am stressed out and you are adding to it, I am not a Chinese guy, I am who I am, We can work this don't worry, Do you want to move forward? Sorry for attacking you and being rude! I miss you, Love isnt perfect, even diamonds start out as coal. We will be ok don't worry, lets find the perfect apartment tomorrow to raise CSB, almost like a new life and lots to be excited about. New apt, a baby, new you and new me. Wish I could take some of the morning sickness symptoms for you, not saying it to be sweet, normally I take, or try to take care of you and protect you and I have no control over this, dont have to be scared, you are never alone I am here! I wanna talk to baby, apparenty from 6 months it can hear and needs to get familiar with your voice, I am going to read the pregnancy book of daddy chapter every night before I go to sleep"

    So this is what he been saying to me from since I got pregnant to early May. Sometime he will went crazy but never being that rude like lately. And I have done nothing. Since his emotion is not stable everytime I will cry of course or keep explaining, but I will smile to him and be sweet to him immediately. I really dont get why.

    This is what he said after when he went crazy at first 3 months - "I am a guy. I can't talk about my feelings. Maybe I need to change. Perhaps I can tell you everything that is bothering me on Friday. I wasn't like this before but things have changed now. I am feeling the strain of becoming a father. I am worried about financially supporting a baby and a girlfriend. Worried about us. Worried if we will be ok raising a child together. I'm hurt that I didn't get to plan when to have a child. All of these things are constantly on my mind. Like someone is sitting on my chest and making it hard for me to breathe. I know that we will be ok and happy together, but I am just worried that's all. I know that is no excuse to take my anger out on you. I will really try to think and pause for a moment before getting angry. Ps I am coming to the hospital tomorrow. I am here to support you through this no matter what happens with us. I understand you have stress too, of course I know you are worried. You really just need me to be stable to support you. I will try. I'm going to try. Really try. I really love you and dont want my life without you, I dont want to lose you!"


    Now not anymore. Now I became a slut, cuxt, piece of shit on the floor, play girl with no moral no value and have a huge problem of my general behavior (I asked him like what? he said "something you think is ok is different than me") and he will never love me and our love was fake and he was just lonely and we have nothing to talk anymore and he even said - I know when thngs get tough. You will show up in front of me and ask for money. This is the only reason you keep this baby because you dont wanna work and you just wanna get a boss to take care of you, you are just a gril like this and why are you look so upset? I am just telling you the truth I hope you wont think that I am being aggressive because I have been calm and I am not being hurtful"

    Really????? Can he really lie to himself that it is ALL MY problem and he is ok to think me in this way just to gives himself a better reason to run away without feeling guilty??? How can anyone said something like this?

    Even he doesnt want baby there is NO NEED to insult me abuse me and invent something SUPER BAD and put it all onto me right?

    Is my past really that horrible made him think that I have no morals? I was single and was seeing some guys one by one in 3 years!! Whats wrong with that even tho I wasnt in relationship with them because I dont love them? (Ok if I ask whats wrong with that he will says - see? do you ever respect yourself because you dont think it is a problem!!) after he broke up with his ex he was messing around with many girls so why is it ok for him to do that but I cant? He said because he never treats those girl as a gf and will never be with them but just for sex and he see those girls as slxt so he cant accept that I was a slxt for some other guys even tho before I met him.

    He said he will never respect me for one bit anymore and for him I am jut shit.

    He said he never being this rude to anyone even his ex (they were together for 10+years and she cheated on him few times)

    So what have i done that he needs to treats me THIS HORRIBLE??

    Because I am carrying a baby of us?? This baby is an accident but made at the happiest time we love eachother the most.

    WHy things becoming like this suddenly???


    :(


    Again.. Everyone, Thanks so much for reading and replying! Really really thanks alot.

    I will try to be strong... but my heart pounding real hard sometime suddenly and couldnt breathe and feel so scared for no reason when I think of our happiness. I wish I am heartless like him and can just move on and forget him. I cant.

    Even tho he never loves me (I dont believe it those love from him was so real and strong) he never need to be that horrible to anyone. Right?
     
    #8 PPCSB, Jun 27, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2013
  9. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    HK time 11:54 am now.

    Sad. And being super stupid. I shouldnt have called the maid and asked her how is he doing.

    She told me he looks like crap and didnt come home last night and got home this morning after 8am with yesterday suit and then just come back and changed it and go to work.

    She said his socks was full of animals hair (we dont have animals at that apt)

    Reminded me of the beginning when we started dating he was staying at my friends house with me (I was staying at my friend house at that time) because he wanted to be with me and chatted whole night (didnt do anything at all but chat), and then at the morning he sent me to work then back to his home and changed because he said he cant wear the same shirt as yesterday..

    Was he with another girl for the same reason last night? I know its none of my business now.

    I was so believe that he has not meet any other girl and didnt leave me because of another girl.
    Maybe I was wrong...

    How can he be with someone else that quick? He has no heart? No feeling?
    Why am I still asking? If he truly love me like he said, he would not dump me, if he truly love me, he would never hurt me, if he truly love me, he will care.

    Maybe this is the reason why he was being this apathy suddenly in few days and not love me anymore in few days. He met another girl?

    I am just being so stupid to still care about him...

    Pathetic.
     
    #9 PPCSB, Jun 27, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2013
  10. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    Maybe we are just not meant to be. I thought and still believe we are. But I also CANNOT and WILL NOT accept what he has done to me.

    Crazy and hurt is I still love him and couldnt believe this. He was really really loving me so much before. I am driving myself crazy now. :wall2:
     
  11. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    You can do this without him, hes been auwful to you and you need time without him to realise you dont need this daycsfter day, xx
     
  12. Jess.

    Jess. Well-Known Member

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    You deserve more respect than what he is showing you, maybe in a few months he might realise that he wants you and baby in his life put that would be your decision. You don't need unnecessary stress right now its not good for you and baby. Try to take some time and relax with yourself and you family. Xxx
     
  13. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    Thank you very much. I hope I can. Great thing is baby is always kicking me harder and harder everyday. And doctor said he/she is growing well :)
     
  14. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    Thank you Jess, I agree with you, no one deserve to be treated in this way no matter how bad that person is. We are all the same in this world. No matter how much he hates me by bringing a child to him (still doesnt make sense for me because we were so in love and talked about married and baby in 2 years.)

    I am trying so hard to be happy and not asking "why".
    Meeting therapist for counselling on 3 July.

    Hopfully it helps.
     
  15. Jess.

    Jess. Well-Known Member

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    None of this is just your fault these things happen, you need to look out for number one which is yourself and baby, hope you feel better soon xx
     
  16. PPCSB

    PPCSB Member

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    Thanks alot :) I hope so!! Sometime my heart will pounding soooo the feeling is like I am on a corsair ship!! And heart is poping out. I dont want this!!!!

    Thanks for your support xxx
     
    #16 PPCSB, Jun 27, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2013

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